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Trying to catch up a bit - LSE and I have had a sleepy rainy under the weather kind of day. It's almost nice!
Sorry you're having an annoying day, Kibbie.
Mrs X - How are you feeling today? Totally hear you and Zim about some of these cranky pants threads/posters. If I wanted that kind of interaction, I'd go back to POS!!
Hope everyone else is doing well!
Ahh today I am much better. How are you?
It is like a full moon up in here with all the cranky ones. What bothers me is that people almost expect for you to change your opinion on something by one post or by downgrading people. It is horrible.
I'm glad today is better Mrs. X! The kids are watching TV now. Might as well, right? I mean, if I'm not going to pay for a private tutor on their day off from school...
I'm glad today is better Mrs. X! The kids are watching TV now. Might as well, right? I mean, if I'm not going to pay for a private tutor on their day off from school...
Thank you! She/he is just being a PITA. I think this little one is going to give me a run for my money. I am getting the feeling its a girl cause I was such a diva when I was in the womb.
Might as well let them watch for a bit so you can play on CD.
I love this approach. I think there's something to be said for candid conversations about things. I'm glad it worked for you! I'm not looking forward to when we hit that stage, but we have a similar plan.
It's a tough road knowing what they're doing and guiding them to make the right decisions instead of laying down the law on EVERYTHING. Denial is certainly the easier way to go.
I didn't formulate this plan ahead of time. It all started when my daughter was in the 5th grade. She asked me, "Why is alcohol legal and marijuana is illegal when alcohol is addictive and marijuana isn't?"
How do you explain that to a young child? I even stopped a police officer at the convenience store and posed the question, asking for advice on how to answer. His response, "Ma'am, if the only thing your children end up doing is marijuana, get down on your knees and thank God." And that was where I got my inspiration since this officer sees daily what the other drugs do. It certainly put things into perspective.
So I answered my children's questions honestly, even at that young age. I told them flat out that I didn't agree with the laws and that I felt alcohol was a greater risk. I impressed upon them that alcoholism ran heavily on both sides of their family and that they shouldn't mess with it.
It totally paid off that I kept communication open. I was able to guide them into making sound decisions. Some people might have children that will listen a blanket NO without explanation. Not my children, they needed sound logic behind my views. And I didn't want them sneaking around behind my back. I needed to know they were keeping themselves safe. I couldn't live in a cloud of denial like many of their friends' parents preferred. I was too terrified of harder drugs, a family across the street lost their house trying to save a daughter who was addicted to heroine.
For my children, saying "marijuania is safe to experiment but don't you EVER even try X, Y and Z, not even once, or you'll end up in the gutter" really helped them understand and believe me. If I had said don't you ever do anything, they might not have understood the severity of trying the harder drugs. All it takes is just trying that harder stuff once. I couldn't risk that. My babies were too precious and way too smart for me to try to bull**** them. I didn't condone anything, but I made it clear where the REAL dangers were.
Thankfully it all worked out. Neither of my children are into drugs. They don't drink either, a couple of times a year at the most.
I'm like this with my eldest too. We talk about drugs and sex and stuff. I've told her that I will always be honest with her, and we've had many candid conversations. So far, she has been smarter than I was when I was that age. My parents never were open with me in that way.
It's a tough road knowing what they're doing and guiding them to make the right decisions instead of laying down the law on EVERYTHING. Denial is certainly the easier way to go.
I didn't formulate this plan ahead of time. It all started when my daughter was in the 5th grade. She asked me, "Why is alcohol legal and marijuana is illegal when alcohol is addictive and marijuana isn't?"
How do you explain that to a young child? I even stopped a police officer at the convenience store and posed the question, asking for advice on how to answer. His response, "Ma'am, if the only thing your children end up doing is marijuana, get down on your knees and thank God." And that was where I got my inspiration since this officer sees daily what the other drugs do. It certainly put things into perspective.
So I answered my children's questions honestly, even at that young age. I told them flat out that I didn't agree with the laws and that I felt alcohol was a greater risk. I impressed upon them that alcoholism ran heavily on both sides of their family and that they shouldn't mess with it.
Astute question from a fifth grader! And I absolutely love the police officer's answer.
I definitely agree that denial is probably the easier path in the short-term, though I know that won't be mine. I don' think I'm any good at being permissive! I am going to have to work at holding myself back so that we can have open lines of communication and my kids don't feel the need to lie to me. My parents are of the "lay down the law on everything, no exceptions" variety and I find that approach taken to its extreme just leads to lying, sneaking and half-truth telling. But a little fact-based fear of consequences can go a long way. I'm trying to find the middle ground. So it gives me hope to hear that the approach I'm thinking of has had good results from the veteran moms!
It's funny, because I worked with a ton of adolescents (self-injury and suicidal behaviors are big in that population) and I would come home from work and play "what would we do?" with DH (in a non-identifying fashion of course - don't want you to think I'm unethical!!). So we have hashed out our views on tons of stuff we wouldn't have otherwise encountered and also have a ton of empathy for how truly hard it is to be a parent of a teen. I guess what I'm trying to say is that we know exactly enough to know we're going to be hit with things that we'll have no idea what to do!
It is like a full moon up in here with all the cranky ones. What bothers me is that people almost expect for you to change your opinion on something by one post or by downgrading people. It is horrible.
So glad to hear Little One X is giving you a break! I am doing A-1-A, thanks!
Yeah, I know what you mean about those kinds of posts. Seriously, belittling me or condescending to me is not the most effective way to demonstrate the merits of your position, y'know? Oy vey.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rkb0305
I'm glad today is better Mrs. X! The kids are watching TV now. Might as well, right? I mean, if I'm not going to pay for a private tutor on their day off from school...
Hey everyone...starting early tonight with a little vino.
DS starts coaching middle school lacrosse tonight. He's been pretty busy lately - which is good. I tend to be of the school of "the busier you are the more you actually get done". He hasn't been that busy lately and it shows. Glad to see him stepping up.
Macie has been itchy again. This &*%$#$ ridiculously expensive allergy stuff is not doing the job. Made a vet appt for Monday. She always has had a really lovely, heavy coat. It's now dull and thinning. She looks older than she is. Frustrating.
Kibs...hope that's Spongebob you've got on the boobtube.....
Hey everyone...starting early tonight with a little vino.
DS starts coaching middle school lacrosse tonight. He's been pretty busy lately - which is good. I tend to be of the school of "the busier you are the more you actually get done". He hasn't been that busy lately and it shows. Glad to see him stepping up.
Macie has been itchy again. This &*%$#$ ridiculously expensive allergy stuff is not doing the job. Made a vet appt for Monday. She always has had a really lovely, heavy coat. It's now dull and thinning. She looks older than she is. Frustrating.
Kibs...hope that's Spongebob you've got on the boobtube.....
When I started typing it was Sponge Bob, but they changed it to Phineas and Ferb!
When I started typing it was Sponge Bob, but they changed it to Phineas and Ferb!
Past my time...no idea what that is...I'm assuming it's on the same important academic level as Sponge Bob though?
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I love this approach. I think there's something to be said for candid conversations about things. I'm glad it worked for you! I'm not looking forward to when we hit that stage, but we have a similar plan.
I am going to have to work at holding myself back so that we can have open lines of communication and my kids don't feel the need to lie to me. My parents are of the "lay down the law on everything, no exceptions" variety and I find that approach taken to its extreme just leads to lying, sneaking and half-truth telling. But a little fact-based fear of consequences can go a long way. I'm trying to find the middle ground. So it gives me hope to hear that the approach I'm thinking of has had good results from the veteran moms! 
