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Here's the deal. He's kind of a loner but always had 2-3 good friends.
Since we moved to our new state and a much bigger city/school; he has spent more time at home than I can ever remember. Ever. All week-end; Friday nights. No football games; homecoming, movies; nothing. Unless swim season is in (he swims year round); he rarely leaves the house.
I'm worried sick about it.
He's 16 and just got his license. He never asks to drive anywhere - other than school and practice.
He had a girlfriend for a while this summer ~ and was always off doing things. She was a year older and had her license.
Now . . back to being alone.
Since he's 16 - I can't take him along with me to shop or see a movie or go for a walk . . . because he doesn't want to be seen with his Mother. I can't grill him with questions because I'll just make it worse.
He's smart; he's funny; and he's handsome. And I'm not just saying that. He does well in school; well in his chosen sport . . . . what's wrong? I know he keeps in close touch with his friends back home and one particular girl . . . but when I ask ~ he never says he wants to move back home.
I feel like crying every time I think about it. Why is he so alone?
That's hard. I'm sorry that he seems unhappy most of the time. It can be really difficult to break into a new group of friends at that age in a new school. I wish I had some advice for you.
Can you talk to his swim coach? (Not at a pratice or meet). Ask him to see he could 'suggest' to some of his buddies on the swim team to include/remember you son when they do fun stuff?
When you say he seems unhappy - what does that mean? How does that show up?
My son is an introvert. He also just isn't into all the high school stuff. Not one bit. When he's not at school or at work, he's at home. That's where he wants to be. He also has his own car and can pretty much do as he pleases. But he chooses not to. At one point I also was concerned he was missing out - but I was putting MY expectations on what I thought was important, worrying he'd be sorry some day.
We have openly talked about it - and he does what he wants to do. He is himself and pretty much doesn't care what anyone else thinks. Which I guess is a good thing - he's comfortable in his own skin. That being said, he is happy. Has interests, has friends over occasionally.
Moving at your son's age is HARD! (My mom moved me my senior year). To me, from what your described, he's not doing that bad! He's in sports and has friends. Just because he doesn't want to go do all the high school stuff, or go out, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him. But if he seems truly unhappy, well, that's a little different.
This is hard. He may have been more of a 'follower' with his friends back home. It's not a bad thing, it's just how we relate in a group.
I tend to be the leader/planner in most situations. 'Hey, let's go to the concert at the lake' kind of thing.
Perhaps you can approach this in a way that doesn't hurt or embarrass your son. Is there an event he would enjoy? Buy him 2 tickets and ask him who he would like to invite.
And how are you doing with making new friends? And why doesn't he want to be seen with you? Work on this, you won't regret it.
A mother knows her children. If you are concerned that he might be depressed, you need to have faith in yourself as a mother. If the school has a counselor/psychologist, I'd ask for an evaluation. If not, it wouldn't hurt to look into a private therapist for an evaluation. Most group insurance coverage has at least initial evaluation coverage; local hospitals have outpatient clinics, and many city/county health clinics also have some kind of sliding-scale evaluation service.
This is hard. He may have been more of a 'follower' with his friends back home. It's not a bad thing, it's just how we relate in a group.
I tend to be the leader/planner in most situations. 'Hey, let's go to the concert at the lake' kind of thing.
Perhaps you can approach this in a way that doesn't hurt or embarrass your son. Is there an event he would enjoy? Buy him 2 tickets and ask him who he would like to invite.
And how are you doing with making new friends? And why doesn't he want to be seen with you? Work on this, you won't regret it.
Dragonfly, he was definitely a follower! It's a good thing his friends called and invited him because he definitely wouldn't be doing the calling.
We had a pool and I had to beg him to have his friends over.
I've thought about the two tickets thing. Maybe I'll do that.
I think he doesn't want to be seen with me because of his age. It used to be fine; but suddenly is no longer cool. It's ok at a restaurant or . . . well, at a restaurant.
I'm going to push him to church on Sunday; both of his good friends back home were in his youth group.
I'm struggling too. I have two good friends here - but I knew both of them from before we moved.
And he was all about moving! If he had said that he did not want to move ~ then I would have stayed put. He was excited to move to a bigger city. I think that excitement has worn off.
Thanks for everyone's advice. I'm thinking . . . find a church and get back into youth group. Swimming will start hard-core next week so he will be busy.
He doesn't seem terribly unhappy - but very moody. I can't tell if it's a teen-age thing or really unhappy. We've had a lot of changes this year AND my 90 year old father moved in with us . . so that's been hard too.
When you say he seems unhappy - what does that mean? How does that show up?
My son is an introvert. He also just isn't into all the high school stuff. Not one bit. When he's not at school or at work, he's at home. That's where he wants to be. He also has his own car and can pretty much do as he pleases. But he chooses not to. At one point I also was concerned he was missing out - but I was putting MY expectations on what I thought was important, worrying he'd be sorry some day.
We have openly talked about it - and he does what he wants to do. He is himself and pretty much doesn't care what anyone else thinks. Which I guess is a good thing - he's comfortable in his own skin. That being said, he is happy. Has interests, has friends over occasionally.
Moving at your son's age is HARD! (My mom moved me my senior year). To me, from what your described, he's not doing that bad! He's in sports and has friends. Just because he doesn't want to go do all the high school stuff, or go out, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him. But if he seems truly unhappy, well, that's a little different.
Jkoop,
You might be right. I went out to take the dogs for a walk; got home and he was running on the treadmill - preparing for practice to begin Monday. Seemed perfectly content. But if I started asking him about if he wanted to do anything - then he would be all defensive. So I won't.
I guess I should just be happy that he's not out getting into trouble!
I certainly wasn't the most popular girl in school but I had those 3 good friends to do things with.
Thanks for your insight. I'm sure he has had a hard year.
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I'm sorry that he seems unhappy most of the time. It can be really difficult to break into a new group of friends at that age in a new school. I wish I had some advice for you.
