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My son with ADHD is now 17. I started very young letting him know that I am 100% available for help with homework tasks, but he needs to ask and never expect me to do it for him. I always checked when he was done, and like mentioned above, made sure there was a quiet, distraction-free as possible place to get the work done. If he couldn't understand my "help," then I'd call in a backup to keep him from having a meltdown (usually my mom, a retired elementary teacher).
As he gets older, I will still help. He always asks me to help him break down larger projects such as research papers/science fair, etc. I am glad to do this.
In my son's case, structure is everything. He does best when he has a set time to do school work, usually right after a small snack, right after school. He also now manages his part-time employment schedule with very little cuing from me
My son with ADHD is now 17. I started very young letting him know that I am 100% available for help with homework tasks, but he needs to ask and never expect me to do it for him. I always checked when he was done, and like mentioned above, made sure there was a quiet, distraction-free as possible place to get the work done. If he couldn't understand my "help," then I'd call in a backup to keep him from having a meltdown (usually my mom, a retired elementary teacher).
As he gets older, I will still help. He always asks me to help him break down larger projects such as research papers/science fair, etc. I am glad to do this.
In my son's case, structure is everything. He does best when he has a set time to do school work, usually right after a small snack, right after school. He also now manages his part-time employment schedule with very little cuing from me
Good job mom
Kids with learning disabilities need different accomadations than kids without them. You've certainly done your part to help you son become successful!
Kids with learning disabilities need different accomadations than kids without them. You've certainly done your part to help you son become successful!
Something I've noticed is that I function more efficiently as an adult, when I follow rituals. I don't mean OCD type rituals, so much as scheduling rituals to prevent myself from getting off task or losing focus.
Things like - taking my glasses out of the drawer at work before I actually need to wear them (they're just reading glasses for small print), and putting them on the notebook at the side of the counter. Moving the recycled cell phone box to the edge of the counter, and pushing the phone further away as well. Checking to make sure I have enough bags for the shift (cashier work). Checking to make sure the recycled ink cartridge bins have plastic bags in them, so I only need to lift the whole bag out at the end of the shift, instead of having to transfer them into bags and deal with runny ink getting all over my clothes.
I have to do all these things -before- my shift starts. It's a prep-time ritual. It organizes my work space, so that I can handle the rest of my day. If I forget to take my glasses out, it can irritate me for the next hour, just knowing that I waited to do that one little thing.
Taking breaks at appropriate times is extremely important as well; if I'm working 4 hours, I -need- a break some time between the 1.5 hour mark and the 2.5 hour mark. It doesn't need to be a long break, but I -must- get away from that counter or my frustration level shoots up to immeasureable heights.
I think if I had known all these things about myself when I was young, if my parents knew these things about me then, I would have been a more attentive student, much more organized, much more able to "get things" without first experiencing tons of frustration.
This is the kind of help I feel kids with ADD (and ADHD) need more than anything else. Setting up prep rituals and break rituals that will work for them. It's a kickstart to their study time, and it makes the rest of that 1, 2, 4-hour study period go by much more smoothly.
I think you're going to get answers that run the gamut.
I have a fourth grader. We do not log reading. In my opinion, nothing takes the joy out of reading like having to stop and look at a clock, go find pencil and planner, and write it all down. I do NOT see the point at all, and I think it falls under the umbrella of busy work.
My son is responsible for completing his math homework on his own. When it is done, I check it and hand it back for corrections. If he has trouble with a concept, I explain it or I point him toward resources he can review independently. Some parents advocate writing a note to the teacher that the child did not understand and requesting the concept be reviewed. I understand this position, but I am not completely comfortable with it. In my experience, there is so much pressure to keep moving in today's classroom that it just doesn't happen. As for writing assignments, this is an area where my child needs a LOT of guidance, so I am heavily-involved every step of the way.
That said, your child may require more or less supervision than other children in his class, so what somebody else does may be completely irrelevant. Seek counsel from his teacher, but trust your instincts. I think most well-connected parents know instinctively when to hold the reins tight and when to loosen them.
I agree with what you said about logging everything they do taking the joy out of it. Schools create many of the learning problems.
You can find kids who were constantly exploring their world, constantly asking questions, looking up answers, reading for information for hours and hours but having problems in school.
It's hard to know the right answer because it depends on the school and the kid, it wouldn't be good for the parent to just further add to what's being done to the kid as far as learning. Making it too rigid, unfun, too structured can remove all love of learning. At the same times many kids need some help in becoming organized, they need good study skills.
My kids would read in spurts if it wasn't for setting a timer and logging their reading. During the summer, they might read for 3 hours or more in a day if it's a book they are really into, and they will want to keep reading until they finish their book. But once they finish the book they might go a week before they want to pick up another book. I'm kind of the same way.
During the school year, when they were in elementary school, we used the timer and logging. It made sure that they read every day and that they didn't get so lost in the reading that they lost track of time and neglected other studies, which could totally happen with my kids anyway.
Now that they are in middle and high school they do so much reading (usually) for their classes that it's a non-issue. They read for pleasure mostly on the weekends, during the week they often don't have much time to read for pleasure - it's mostly school related reading.
Also - it's very important to talk to your kids about what they are reading to make sure that they are comprehending what they read. Just knowing how to read the words is not the whole point. You have to discuss what they've read with them so that you make sure that they are understanding what they are reading. The next day or a few days later you can ask them questions again about what they've read to also see if they are retaining the information.
My kids would read in spurts if it wasn't for setting a timer and logging their reading. During the summer, they might read for 3 hours or more in a day if it's a book they are really into, and they will want to keep reading until they finish their book. But once they finish the book they might go a week before they want to pick up another book. I'm kind of the same way.
I think it's okay to take a break before diving into another book. I need time to process after finishing a novel, and I think my kids do, too. The only time we typically jump immediately into a new book is if it's part of a series and we can't wait to find out what happens next. Sometimes it takes awhile to let go of a beloved story. My son and recently finished reading aloud a Sarah Prineas series, and neither of us is quite ready to move on yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by haggardhouseelf
During the school year, when they were in elementary school, we used the timer and logging. It made sure that they read every day and that they didn't get so lost in the reading that they lost track of time and neglected other studies, which could totally happen with my kids anyway.
My oldest does this. Yesterday, I foolishly took her to the library to get the next book in series she is devouring before checking to see that she is up to speed with her assignments.
Some children have underlying learning disabilities that hinder their ability to be organized. Homework suffers and all the punishing in the world can't make them better organizers. If your instincts tell you that your son needs more help learning how to be organized, you're not a hover parent for helping him learn the skills he lacks. But be careful because there is a difference between teaching organization skills and actually doing the organizing for them.
Checking to make sure that a 9 or 10 year old has done their homework is considered "hover parenting"?
Really? Wow.
I think the goal with the reading log is to get your son to read at home at least 20 minutes every day, it's not meant to be a precise recording, though. If he remembers to do the log, he'll remember to get his reading in. Call me a 'copter, but I'd check it .
Last edited by springfieldva; 09-14-2011 at 03:04 PM..
I wanted to add that sometimes your child doesn't need to have a label to require a different approach. If your child struggles with organization, staying focused, or details, then spend the extra time showing them how to develop those skills. Who cares if someone else thinks you are hovering, as long as you feel there is a good balance.
I personally think that schools push personal responsibility too early and with very little help, just expectations. A lot of students struggle with this, and to offer a course or class to reinforce those skills would be very helpful. Kids who have mastered those organizational skills, and have practical ways to work on focusing better will make better students all the way around.
I don't know how many times my son's teachers told me he needed to improve his work habits, and when I asked them how we could do that at home, not one of them gave me any concrete advice or steps to take.
I think parents should help their children learn to organize. However, there comes a time, quite early on, when the school work is the CHILD'S responsibility. There is no good reason a seven year old (typical) cannot be organized enough to know what his/her homework is for the night.
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