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It only takes a couple of minutes to tidy, clean, dust, vaccuum etc. Far less time than is wasted looking for stuff when things are messy.
Good on the OP for having some standards.
My suspicion is that her teen is looking for an edge. I think teens go through this rebellious phase and they just look for something to use as a lever. My advice, Just ignore that bit. Insist that she keep the house clean. Do not stop her from visiting her friends or having her friends over.
I am not a naturally neat person. I can live in a messy house for a couple of days if we have a lot going on. I will leave things out because I forgot to put them away right away. It is just in my nature. I also hate cleaning.
Because I hate cleaning, my general rule is that the house has to be in the same condition when her friends leave as it was when they arrived. If her friends don't clean up after themselves, it is up to DD to clean it up. I mostly put that rule into place because she has a couple of friends who are the messiset people I have ever met. It turns out their mom does EVERYTHING for them and have never had to think about the messes they leave because they magically disappear later. When DD is around them, she turns into a complete slob too. So, by putting that rule into place DD is a little more conscientious about the messes she is making. I have also heard her ask her friends to not drop something on the floor, etc.
When I say these kids are messy, I mean, they will get a popsicle and when they are done just drop the wrapper wherever they happen to be at that moment. It could be on the couch, in the middle of the floor, in the middle of a bed, wherever. They have left numerous times and forgotten their shoes. I found gum in the middle of my rug because one of them was done with it so they just spit it out where they were standing.
After making DD clean up after her friends a couple of times, the house stopped getting so messy when they come over (several times per week). To me it is more about respect for the homeowners than it is about having a clean house.
I would just ask that dishes be placed in the sink and trash in the trash can. Anything beyond that would be cleaned after they left w/ your daughter's help.
I have a place where teens..now young adults..always hang out. I don't go thru my kids I just tell the freinds what I want when they are sitting around doing whatever they do. It's not perfect and sometimes they 'forget' but for the most part they do what I ask (dishes in the sink, bottles&cans on the counter for recycling, fast food wrappers in the trash, etc). It's awesome that people like to come to your place, it really does keep you in the loop during the teen years!
How about it's the daughter's responsibility to ensure that her guests follow the house rules. Really, it all boils down to the daughter.
This is what I was thinking. If the daughter takes her dishes to the kitchen, the friends should follow. If they don't, the daughter should take her friends dishes to the kitchen.
Any advice? The issue is NOT the typical teen I don't want to pick up. It's the fact that she somehow sees this as me denegrating her friends.
My child is held to household standards. And my child is responsible for the behavior of his or her guests. So if Manchild's friends trash the house, and don't help return it to its previously pristine state, then Manchild has a crapton of cleaning to do after they leave. After once or twice of that, I generally don't have a problem, because Manchild and Little Miss Aconite will take care of it far more effectively than can I.
Yes, the condition of the homes where her friends live really has no bearing on this issue. Just explain that you expect the house to be as neat as it was when the friends arrived.
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