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I don't think "confront" would be the term I would use, as it's certainly not a confrontation. I'm friendly with my neighbors, and I would just mention to them that this is going on. As I said, I don't think a 9 year old talking to a 9 year old about periods, boys, or the tooth fairy is a big deal, it's going to happen. But if my 9 year old was discussing these things with a 5 year old, I would really appreciate a heads up so I can take the opportunity to discuss consideration and tolerance, as I (erroneously) assumed others might as well. There are lot of beliefs I consider and teach my kids as "truths", yet I also teach them that these are not necessarily other's beliefs, and they need to be respectfull.
So what does that mean in terms of how you expect the conversation to go?
Parents can say "this is what others believe, but we don't" and the kids will take from that what they want. So it sounds like you want more meat in that convo. You want parents to tell their kids that if the subject comes up, keep their thoughts to themselves if it's not popular opinion because that's not "tolerant and respectful". Or just lie to be nice.
Meanwhile, please take note that "tolerance and respect" only flows one way.
Obviously, kids hear things from other kids all of the time, ...
....
Would it be right for me to say something to her mom about this?
Nah.
Be thankful the kid is talking to you.
Tell the other mom and your kid will know and then I suspect she will learn to filter what she tells you.
As you say
"kids hear things from other kids all of the time".
right now she is hearing one thing from one kid.
She will hear more things from other kids and it will be so much nicer if she can just come and use you as a sounding board or a shoulder to cry on.
Think about yourself. When you tell a close friend / hubby about some issue, you don't necessarilly want them to fix it or correct you or do anything other than just listen.
A hundred bucks for a tooth? Dang. If I was a kid, I'd be knocking my baby teeth out intentionally. I'd be rich! We only got a quarter, and it was no secret that tooth fairy = mom. It was just a make-believe game, and we played it, because it was a fun game to play.
I bet I could get you to re-believe in the tooth fairy for a 100 bucks a tooth.
(of course everybody knows I was exaggerating in order to make a point, right?)
So what does that mean in terms of how you expect the conversation to go?
Parents can say "this is what others believe, but we don't" and the kids will take from that what they want. So it sounds like you want more meat in that convo. You want parents to tell their kids that if the subject comes up, keep their thoughts to themselves if it's not popular opinion because that's not "tolerant and respectful". Or just lie to be nice.
Meanwhile, please take note that "tolerance and respect" only flows one way.
I guess if the mom stood behind their 9 year old and thought it was ok for them to say their opposing beliefs to a 5 year old, I would back off....
I have been in the situation with my neighbor, however, and just gave the mom a heads up. She had a talk to her daughter, and handled it. She has also given me heads up on things my kids say, and I'm on it. I don't see why it has to be a confrontation, we both appreciate the teaching opportunity. We laugh about it, they're of a different religion and sometimes we have to guide our children to keep certain things off topic, because they have different "truths".
I often tell my children to keep their beliefs and opinions to themselves to be nice.... I wasn't aware that others didn't do the same.
I guess if the mom stood behind their 9 year old and thought it was ok for them to say their opposing beliefs to a 5 year old, I would back off....
I have been in the situation with my neighbor, however, and just gave the mom a heads up. She had a talk to her daughter, and handled it. She has also given me heads up on things my kids say, and I'm on it. I don't see why it has to be a confrontation, we both appreciate the teaching opportunity. We laugh about it, they're of a different religion and sometimes we have to guide our children to keep certain things off topic, because they have different "truths".
I often tell my children to keep their beliefs and opinions to themselves to be nice.... I wasn't aware that others didn't do the same.
I do not teach my child to keep her opinion to herself. Granted she is 17 years old now but I have always taught her to say what she believes and her opinion. I actually find the people who think the existence of opinions and beliefs different from their own to be "not nice" the ones out of line. But to each their own.
I am glad you were able to talk to your neighbor in a friendly fashion but these things just continue as children get older and you will not be in a position to intervene most of the time. I am sure you are a good parent and your child will be fine with hearing things that differ from what you have taught her since your family values are ingrained.
First, kids are kids and they're always going to share info. You can't control if they give right or wrong info or just mixed up info.
Second, your daughter in 9. Honestly? You should have had this "period" talk with her already and also age-appropriate sex talks. There is a book called (I think) "my body book" or something similar put out by American Girl. I've always had "talks" with my daughter but also purchased this for her when she was about 9 or 10. I would see her reading it a lot and if she ever had any questions, she would come to me. (it's not only about periods --- it's about the growth and changes going on in a young girl's body)
As for your little one and the tooth fairy? That's a really tough one. I, personally, HATE when older kids spill the beans on this to the little ones. It's very hurtful.
I do not teach my child to keep her opinion to herself. Granted she is 17 years old now but I have always taught her to say what she believes and her opinion. I actually find the people who think the existence of opinions and beliefs different from their own to be "not nice" the ones out of line. But to each their own.
I am glad you were able to talk to your neighbor in a friendly fashion but these things just continue as children get older and you will not be in a position to intervene most of the time. I am sure you are a good parent and your child will be fine with hearing things that differ from what you have taught her since your family values are ingrained.
I certainly agree that at 17, or even middle school, I would not be in a position to intervene. Even at 9, I said I didn't see an issue with the discussion amongst peers. The key word here is peers.
I can hardly say my values have been ingrained at 5.
I do not teach my child to keep her opinion to herself. Granted she is 17 years old now but I have always taught her to say what she believes and her opinion. I actually find the people who think the existence of opinions and beliefs different from their own to be "not nice" the ones out of line. But to each their own.
Hmmm...Nothing wrong with having an opinion and voicing it. However, there is also a time and place for expressing ones opinion. A 9 yo telling a 5 yo there isn't a toothfairy (or Santa or fill in the blank for whatever little joyful celebration is appropriate to anyone) simply isn't nice or respectful. There are times when keeping ones opinion or knowledge to onesself is the respectful thing to do. The other child doesn't have to embrace the belief herself but the nice, respectful thing to do is simply not participate in that particular discussion.
First, kids are kids and they're always going to share info. You can't control if they give right or wrong info or just mixed up info.
Second, your daughter in 9. Honestly? You should have had this "period" talk with her already and also age-appropriate sex talks. There is a book called (I think) "my body book" or something similar put out by American Girl. I've always had "talks" with my daughter but also purchased this for her when she was about 9 or 10. I would see her reading it a lot and if she ever had any questions, she would come to me. (it's not only about periods --- it's about the growth and changes going on in a young girl's body)
As for your little one and the tooth fairy? That's a really tough one. I, personally, HATE when older kids spill the beans on this to the little ones. It's very hurtful.
I have the book as I stated in another post on this thread, thanks though.
I also said in my op that I do realize that kids will hear things from others, and that I have had brief conversations with my daughter, we just haven't has the full talk as I truly don't feel she is mature enough to take it all in yet. She knows what a period is and I have let her take the lead on questions...
I was more concerned with the info she had been given by our neighbor in addition to my 5 yr old being told there is no such thing as the Tooth Fairy...
For anyone interested, the American Girl Book is called; "The Care And Keeping of You, The Body Book for Girls".
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