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Old 10-05-2011, 11:29 AM
 
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Okay, now I'm a little confused. I'm no prude (anybody who really knows me can attest to my, uh, earthiness), but even I didn't know many people who lived that lifestyle in college. We were all pretty serious.
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Old 10-05-2011, 11:41 AM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
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Originally Posted by formercalifornian View Post
Okay, now I'm a little confused. I'm no prude (anybody who really knows me can attest to my, uh, earthiness), but even I didn't know many people who lived that lifestyle in college. We were all pretty serious.
Hey, I'm just giving out worst case scenarios. And there's a lot worse than what the OP described.
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Old 10-05-2011, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
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Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
Actually, Christians value abstinence in males as well as females.

And by "traditional values" I mean the idea--however not a part of reality in any social era--that sex should be reserved for marriage.

Well, see, that's the thing-- I think "values" and "tradition" are waaaay more inclusive and encompass more than what my girly bits have been up to lately. And it's not about being a "nice person"-- because honestly, I'm not particularly nice, appeasement at all costs for the sake of peace just doesn't come naturally to me-- it's about what one holds dear. I expect, other than the personal bits part, we overlap in a number of areas. Or maybe not; maybe I'm just making baseless assumptions.

Nor do I assume "traditional" equals "Christian". But I guess that's where we don't overlap, either. Traditionally, in this country, men have been afforded much wider latitude in sexual adventure than women. Though that's changing somewhat, there's still the essential disparity encapsulated in the emotional loading of slang terms for a man who gets around ("playa") and a woman who does so ('who**"). Of course, that was pretty much the standard in the church with which I am most familiar, as well. Boys got forgiven, girls got reputations.
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Old 10-05-2011, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Chicago
38,707 posts, read 102,855,938 times
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Originally Posted by formercalifornian View Post
Okay, now I'm a little confused. I'm no prude (anybody who really knows me can attest to my, uh, earthiness), but even I didn't know many people who lived that lifestyle in college. We were all pretty serious.
Where'd you go, Brigham Young?

Seriously, if parents knew what went down on your average college campus on Friday and Saturday nights, they'd never pay to send their kids there.

Come to think of it, plenty of parents probably do know but think their little cherubs won't do those things. And a whole lot of them are wrong. Under the circumstances, the OP should consider herself lucky her daughter has a committed relationship to keep her anchored.
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Old 10-05-2011, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
4,469 posts, read 7,176,324 times
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Originally Posted by formercalifornian View Post
Okay, now I'm a little confused. I'm no prude (anybody who really knows me can attest to my, uh, earthiness), but even I didn't know many people who lived that lifestyle in college. We were all pretty serious.
You clearly weren't a Gator... Or probably a 'Nole, either. Party schools get their reputations for a reason.
I went to neither-- in fact, my college was all women-- but it was hardly a bastion of vestal virgins. Maybe during exams week.
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Old 10-05-2011, 11:50 AM
 
Location: 53179
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Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
My one male friend who is 20 and still a virgin. He hates it and wants to lose it but he's just not good with girls and is on the heavier side.

His weight has nothing to do with it. It is his confidence. Unless he is hideous looking that might be a factor...but some extra weight should not make that big of an impact.
He should not worry about it. He is normal, least he is thinking about it, right?
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Old 10-05-2011, 12:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Drover View Post
Where'd you go, Brigham Young?

Seriously, if parents knew what went down on your average college campus on Friday and Saturday nights, they'd never pay to send their kids there.

Come to think of it, plenty of parents probably do know but think their little cherubs won't do those things. And a whole lot of them are wrong. Under the circumstances, the OP should consider herself lucky her daughter has a committed relationship to keep her anchored.
Me, a Mormon? Uh, no.

I'll admit that my experience may have resulted from already being in a committed relationship. I married a cadet, and our social circle was filled with other cadets. There was a lot of not-so-subtle pressure for those of us in relationships to wrap up our degrees and make things permanent before commissioning and assignment.
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Old 10-05-2011, 12:50 PM
 
32,516 posts, read 37,051,368 times
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Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
My initial response was just really astonishment that in 3 pages of responses, everyone was just like "Oh, cool, good for her, no big deal".
My initial response was utter astonishment that people talk about their children's sex lives on a public forum.

(I'm in the "offspring deserve their privacy" camp myself. )
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Old 10-05-2011, 01:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by calgirlinnc View Post
See, this is exactly what I mean.

I guess biological urges are completely overwhelming to everyone.

Why should I even bother teaching my children morality, since they won't be able to control their urges?
Yeah, see, nobody's saying anything of the sort. But like it or not, 19 is well past the age where one sexually matures, biologically speaking.

Nobody said don't teach your kids because they "won't be able to control their urges". Having sex does not equate to being wild and animalistic. It is a deeply personal thing whether somebody wants to act on said urges, and it's nobody else's business if they do, even their mother's.

Morality is a complex personal issue, and not everybody equates sex with immorality. Stealing another person's spouse, having sex with somebody under false pretenses, cheating on your SO - immoral, imo - having sex with somebody who's free and clear to do so, because you want to - not so much. Not in my world. Maybe not in your child's world either. But it's not really up to you. At 19, they're well old enough to make that decision for themselves.
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Old 10-05-2011, 02:04 PM
 
Location: California
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I wish my D had waited until she was away at college to start this up but, alas, as a teen she went through life like a bull in a china shop AND wasn't embarassed to share! Thankfully she has started to mellow with age
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