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Whenever somebody else has "tried" to criticize my parenting I always ask..."Just when did the title on my child get transferred to you? That's my child and he/she is mine until he/she is 18." "I've earned the honor to be called his/her mother and until you can take my title away, bug off".
jojo61397.....don't sweat it!!...Usually the ones that roll their eyes, and judge you...don't have kids!!..the ones that do would smile a very understanding...and knowing...smile.
Just because I ran into a grocery store with DD's hair a mess and she is covered in mulch and dirt, that doesn't mean I am a neglectful parent, so please stop giving me "the slow head shake". I have an active child and I would like to stop and get milk on the way home from the park. I don't feel the need to drive past the store, give DD a bath, get her dressed in clean clothes and then go back out to get milk.
Silly num, you just leave her in the car while you pop in. Leave the engine running with the air on, though--don't be a barbarian about it. Tell her she can play with the steering wheel if she is really good. That's what I do.
You mean you never, ever gave in and bought the box of Fruit Loops? Ever? I was the strict "we will not set precedents" mom, but did I give in? Oh, yeah. A couple of times when it seemed to my tired-to-the-bones mommie-self that world peace was at stake.
I, too have given in on occasion. In my case, it's when it hit me, "Wow, am I just automatically saying no without even thinking about it? Why NO? Why must it always be no?" If there was a tantrum thrown though, no. The tantrum alone was enough to cancel out the request. If they pouted after I'd said no, or said, "Mommmm, PLEEEAAASE!" I might change my mind, but that's because I'd realized I said no, way too often and for no good reason.
One thing that is important for me is to ask people if they need any assistance. My specialty is crying babies. I think sometimes moms of very young babies are very anxious, and when the crying jag starts, and people stare daggers at them, the moms anxiety level goes through the roof. Sometimes just engaging in idle chit-chat, or making a joke or two calms the mom down a bit, which in turn calms down baby. I have the touch for colicky babies, and di once spend an international flight boogying up and down the aisle with someone else's unhappy camper.
For moms of older kids, there's no excuse for us not to empathize a bit and offer encouragement and support rather than judgement.
*climbs quietly of soapbox*
People were so incredibly kind to me when my son was a newborn it really meant the world to me. The first time I braved the supermarket with him I ran in to get a cooked chicken for dinner and couple of things we needed. I thought it would be faster to do the self checkout but it was malfunctioning and took forever. He woke up and I thought I would DIE if he started crying. The woman running the front end of the store rocked him while I paid. She couldn't possibly know how much it meant to me. If people had stared angrily at me, on my first attempt at doing something normal after giving birth, I would have cried the whole way home.
Another BIG thing that drove me nuts was going to the mall for 2 main reasons. What I would like to say is in quotes.
1. You are tyring to get into the main doors (which aren't automatic) and instead of helping you by holding the door for you, they stand behind you huffing and puffing about how long this is taking while you open the door stand in an awkward position and try to push a stroller through. "Hey buddy. Use some of that energy you are using to complain and reach out a hand to hold the door."
2. You are finally inside and are walking to the right (while pushing the stroller) and people walk directly at you from the other direction forcing you to try to maneuver a big stroller through the crowd. "If you take one step to the right, there wouldn't be a traffic jam in the middle of the mall. It is much easier for you to take one step than it is for me to get this thing turned in a Christmas crowd."
There are many more, but those were the big ones for me.
Re #9: unless you are my child's medical provider, and my insurance company is paying you obscene gobs of money for a fifteen minute visit, I do not want to hear your opinion on her meds, her diagnoses, or anything else. I especially don't want quizzed about her vaccine history or whether I ate tuna while pregnant. And if you ask me anyway, I shall respond by inquiring as to whether your last digital-rectal exam was satisfactory, and did they ever find your head.
People were so incredibly kind to me when my son was a newborn it really meant the world to me. The first time I braved the supermarket with him I ran in to get a cooked chicken for dinner and couple of things we needed. I thought it would be faster to do the self checkout but it was malfunctioning and took forever. He woke up and I thought I would DIE if he started crying. The woman running the front end of the store rocked him while I paid. She couldn't possibly know how much it meant to me. If people had stared angrily at me, on my first attempt at doing something normal after giving birth, I would have cried the whole way home.
Oh, yes, I remember that feeling!!
This story is a really nice counterpoint to all the things people do that drive us crazy - sometimes the kindness of strangers about our kids or our parenting is enough to bring tears to my eyes, too. It's amazing what a kind word or gesture can do. That's probably something I would want to say to other people/parents, as well.
I, too have given in on occasion. In my case, it's when it hit me, "Wow, am I just automatically saying no without even thinking about it? Why NO? Why must it always be no?" If there was a tantrum thrown though, no. The tantrum alone was enough to cancel out the request. If they pouted after I'd said no, or said, "Mommmm, PLEEEAAASE!" I might change my mind, but that's because I'd realized I said no, way too often and for no good reason.
No tantrum was thrown. A tantrum was brewing, but there were no tantrums to be had. I did the above. I was saying no, for no good reason.
I usually get comments from people about how brutally honest I am with my kids.
I tell them straight up if they are not cut out for the NBA. I tell them that if the plane crashes, most likely we will all die. I tell them they were NOT planned (neither one, isn't that awful?), but I love them AT LEAST as much as other parents love their kids.
The way I talk to them makes people uncomfortable, but I tell you what. When I compliment them, when they really DO beat me at chess, they know it's genuine.
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