A Quantitative Analysis of How Much Time Spent with Kids Correlates To The Child's Outcome... (toys, schools)
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The kids have been on fall break for the last 2 weeks. I've spent most of my days making sure they don't seriously injure each other or cause major damage to the house. Chores? When I can fit them in.
And that's SAYING something! OMG....sometimes, that's all you can get done in a day...keeping them safe and keeping them from destroying everything! LOL
I love the I have nothing to say so I'll just attack the poster posts...
No, I'm just stating a fact. And it's a fact that has nothing to do with this debate as it's not about who has it easier. It's about whether or not the time differences that exist because of the decision to SAH or WOH matter and they don't. Our kids don't turn out differently based on our working status. From that, we can conclude that any time differences that do exist are inconsequential. The structure of a SAHM's day compared to a WM's day off is another debate and not really a debate as it's rather obvious that a SAHM's every day resembles a WM's day off.
Apparently it does (to you anyway) if you read your VERY NEXT post...Also, for something being not about you and for someone who consistently ignores the personal experience of others, it is interesting to notice how many times "I" or "me" you use to support your "facts".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Sorry, but it becomes more difficult to get things done if you take 9 hours out of your day. That's just logic.
And I've SAH, SAHPT and WOHFT. I can tell you that SAH with any of my kids was easier if I didn't have to go to work that day. I would assume one of the attractions to SAH is it's easier. That was my only attraction to working part time and it was easier. However, what does easier/harder have to do with whether or not time differences actually matter to our kids?
I see no benefit to my kids of my working part time over full time. I do see benefits for me but I think it was transparent to my kids because I think my kids had enough time with parents either way. As a PTWM, I nearly doubled my days at home but I have no reason to believe that that was in any way good or harmful to my kids. It just made MY life easier. (That was the whole point. It was a selfish decision on my part because I wanted my life to be easier.)
All that happened because I doubled my time at home was the house was cleaner, I got more sleep, I had time for hobbies and time to take care of myself and dh did less housework and child care (the one negative besides the financial blow IMO) because I was home to do it. You have to keep in mind that we don't spend every second we are home interacting with our kids and people tend to be more efficient with their time when they have less of it (which is most of the reason that time studies find so little difference in time spent with children between WOHM's and SAHM's.)
Most kids aren't a lot of work. They require supervision more than anything but you don't have to intereact with them every second of the day and moms don't. Many things are transparent to our kids. Does it matter if I take my kids to the neighborhood park to play for an hour or the dcp takes them to her neighborhood park for an hour? I don't think they care who is sitting on that park bench talking to the other adults in the park just so long as someone is while they play.
So glad personal anecdotes are not valid or important to one''s position and that it's not all about you.
Again, YOUR decision was your decision. it sounds like it was the right decision for your family. Good! Glad it's working out. Doesn't mean everyone else's experience is the same and that their decision is less valid than yours.
I wish I had time to figure out how much time I spend with my kid. All I know is that I don't have enough time. With DH & I both working full time, we are usually up by 6:00 and we run non-stop until 11 or 12 when we collapse in bed. This goes on all week and by the time Friday night rolls around, we are so tired from not getting enough sleep we are cranky, feeling ill, and just not pleasant to be around. Then we spend the entire weekend catching up on all of the things we couldn't get to during the week (deep cleaning, yard work, grocery shopping, sleeping). By the time we are done with all of that, it is Sunday night and time to get ready for the week. At this point, we have no quality time. All of our time is focused on work and school.
I would love to be able to have one of us be home at least part time because DD is also being run ragged. She gets no down time during the week because she doesn't even get to start her homework until DH & I are home.
For those of you who can work full time and still have plenty of relaxing family time, please tell me your secrets. I would love to know how I can spend more time with my family just playing.
Does it matter if I take my kids to the neighborhood park to play for an hour or the dcp takes them to her neighborhood park for an hour? I don't think they care who is sitting on that park bench talking to the other adults in the park just so long as someone is while they play.
My kids cared. They were all here a few weeks ago and we sat around the table talking and laughing about all the great trips we'd taken to the park and the beach. Don't think we'd have been sitting and talking about all the "fun times" they'd had with the dcp. Oh, my DH and I didn't sit on the bench talking to the other adults. We played on the swings. Sorry. Personal experience and I know you hate them unless they are your own but I just had to share.
(I also put all that "family bonding at the park" time down as one of the reasons why we are an incredibly close family. Park, beach, backyard. It all added up.)
Sorry, but it becomes more difficult to get things done if you take 9 hours out of your day. That's just logic.
And I've SAH, SAHPT and WOHFT. I can tell you that SAH with any of my kids was easier if I didn't have to go to work that day. I would assume one of the attractions to SAH is it's easier.
You don't get it. It's certainly not *easier* if you have a special needs child. The person you were answering has a child with PDD-NOS. In fact, it may be the only way to make things work in such a case. Each situation is different. If you really think that the time a mom with a special needs child stays at home is not making a difference, then you simply have no idea what it takes to raise a special needs child.
I wish I had time to figure out how much time I spend with my kid. All I know is that I don't have enough time. With DH & I both working full time, we are usually up by 6:00 and we run non-stop until 11 or 12 when we collapse in bed. This goes on all week and by the time Friday night rolls around, we are so tired from not getting enough sleep we are cranky, feeling ill, and just not pleasant to be around. Then we spend the entire weekend catching up on all of the things we couldn't get to during the week (deep cleaning, yard work, grocery shopping, sleeping). By the time we are done with all of that, it is Sunday night and time to get ready for the week. At this point, we have no quality time. All of our time is focused on work and school.
I would love to be able to have one of us be home at least part time because DD is also being run ragged. She gets no down time during the week because she doesn't even get to start her homework until DH & I are home.
For those of you who can work full time and still have plenty of relaxing family time, please tell me your secrets. I would love to know how I can spend more time with my family just playing.
I would LOVE to be able to tell you how to have adequate family and relaxing time, while holding down a full time job, unfortunately, I failed miserably at it. I neglected (IMHO) my family HORRIBLY, when I worked full time. They'd tell you themselves, if you asked them. I was also a major bi*ch! If I came home and their stuff was laying around, there were dishes laying around, kitchen was dirty, the laundry wasn't done, I was NOT a nice person.
I hate fighting and I hate nagging. Therefore, I'd snap at them and storm around here doing everything that needed to be done. Quality time with them? No! That time did not exist. Either I was cleaning and/or working in the house, working in the yard, or something else that needed to be done. If they had games, sometimes I'd go to them, but many times, I'd stay home and do what needed to be done. I felt like a POS mother when I was working full time. I'm not going to candy coat it. It was what it was! If the family wanted to go do something on my days off, they went. Rarely, did I ever go. I'm the one who stayed home and caught up on the stuff that needed to be done. Yeah, my life was great....so was my family's. They didn't see me.....because I had become my MOTHER!
That's because SAHM's do every day what WM's do on their days off. And, yes, we call them vacation days. Anything is easier if you don't have to do it after working all day.
Quit twisting what I've said. I've said that SAHM's don't accomplish anything that WM's don't accomplish. All moms do things that are important at home. It just doesn't matter whether mom does them while working or while not working. As I've said, people get their panties in a wad because it makes no difference whether you SAH or not. For some reason, saying WM's accomplish the same things SAHM's do is upsetting to some.
Saying anything is easier if you don't have to do it after working all day is yet another put down to the at home parent. What do you think they are doing all day while at home with the kids? I have been both a SAHM and a WM. I can tell both are tough just in different ways. I treat my kids differently too.
As a SAHM I have time to cook and clean more. I can have all the errands done during the week. I can spend 3 hours at the park and enjoy that time. The weekends are much easier for my husband because I don't need him to help with the chores. After dinner I have plenty of time to help with homework and spend with the family. I may wonder if I am doing the right thing by not bringing home some money each week.
As WM the house stays picked up but really clean. I still make dinner but it is a simpler menu. All of the errands have to be put off until the weekend. If I take the kids to the park I am thinking about all of the other things I need to be doing to get ready for another week. Hubby has to pitch in on the weekend with the chores. After dinner I am beat and have little energy to help with homework and listen to a detailed account of who sat with who at lunch and what this girl wore to school and all the other things kids like to talk about. I may wonder if I am doing the right thing by going to a job I enjoy but not having enough time to do the family things I want.
I would LOVE to be able to tell you how to have adequate family and relaxing time, while holding down a full time job, unfortunately, I failed miserably at it. I neglected (IMHO) my family HORRIBLY, when I worked full time. They'd tell you themselves, if you asked them. I was also a major bi*ch! If I came home and their stuff was laying around, there were dishes laying around, kitchen was dirty, the laundry wasn't done, I was NOT a nice person.
I hate fighting and I hate nagging. Therefore, I'd snap at them and storm around here doing everything that needed to be done. Quality time with them? No! That time did not exist. Either I was cleaning and/or working in the house, working in the yard, or something else that needed to be done. If they had games, sometimes I'd go to them, but many times, I'd stay home and do what needed to be done. I felt like a POS mother when I was working full time. I'm not going to candy coat it. It was what it was! If the family wanted to go do something on my days off, they went. Rarely, did I ever go. I'm the one who stayed home and caught up on the stuff that needed to be done. Yeah, my life was great....so was my family's. They didn't see me.....because I had become my MOTHER!
I am sorry to hear this, but at the same time it makes me feel a bit better about myself. At least I know that I am not the only one who finds it hard to get so much done in so little time especially when I am tired from working a very stressful job all day. Thank you for being so honest. It really does help to know that I am not alone in the struggle for balance.
I felt just like that too when I worked full time. I left at 7 am and got home at 6pm. It was too much for me. I also had guilt from being gone so much I tried to make up for it buy buying my daughter anything she asked for. Not a good idea.
In 2005-2006, the job I was working at had me up at 4 am, to work by 5:30. Rarely, did I work a single shift, but generally a double, which got me home around 11:30 pm. Yeah, didn't see my family. The last full time job was working 2pm-10:30pm (haha, 99.9% of the time 2pm-2-4a.m.) Yeah, rarely ever saw my family.....only long enough to say, "bye". I live 45 min away from the places I was working and always arrive at least 30 min early to do prep work. If my family saw me, I was too exhausted to interact or too busy being ticked off because I didn't feel like they were doing enough around the place.....which left me to spend 16 hrs/day doing it if I had a "day off". Yeah, like others, I spent the majority of my check on quick to fix foods, and bought things for the kids to keep them appeased. You're welcome Num...yeah, I'm not really one to put on a sugar coating. It is what it is. I know damn few working mom's who can give their kids the things SAHMs give them. They can give them "things", but most of them can't give them "them". They're too damn busy. It's damn tough working full time and giving your child a "full-time" parent. Let's face it girl, something's gotta give. No one has that many hours in a day. You have to work, and you have NOTHING to feel guilty about, because you're doing the best that you can and I betcha you're doing a whole lot more than most!
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Sorry. Personal experience and I know you hate them unless they are your own but I just had to share. 
