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I spend more maintenance time with my younger child. I spend more fun, relaxing time with my older child. It works out that way because of their abilities and needs. YDS needs the maintenance time - help with dressing, hygiene, discipline, keeping out of trouble etc. Therefore, that is how that time is allocated to him. With ODS, he takes care of his own needs. He is extremely self reliant and mature. So, the time he gets is almost all fun time.
From all your posts in these two threads, I am most saddened by your inability to recognize the importance of your daugther feeling as if you and your husband were never there for her. It doesn't matter if you were there on occassion in the early years. What matters is how your daughter feels.
I'm not saying you had to be a SAHM for your children to feel there for them. It's possible to ensure children that you are there for them whenever they need you regardless of employment status. Your daughter didn't learn that a mother being an equal partner via working to pay for the house is a good thing. She learned that means not being there for children.
It's abundantly clear that the "quality time" you allocated for your children lacked true quality. It's sad that you can't acknowledge that "being there" can't be scheduled.
Being there isn't about time. Being there is a state of mind. Based on what you have shared (and you've shared a lot), you are so totally not there on so many levels.
I disagree.
I think some kids tend to be overly dramatic about things. Like ODS just told me today that he very rarely gets his own way. This couldn't be further from the truth. He didn't say this in a fit of emotion. He sat me down to tell me this in a very calm way. Unfortunately for him, he is wrong. He is very independent and there is very little he is not allowed to do (within reason of course). But because his little brother is SN, there are times where what he (ODS) wants to do is not possible. ODS, being the creative, drama kid that he is, extrapolates this to proportions that are simply untrue.
Funnily enough, I've just "discovered" in the past few years that I did the same exact thing to MY mother. ODS takes after me in so many ways.
Please let's not have yet another thread where several people gang up on a few. It's getting rather mean-spirited in here. These debates will not have a winner or loser, because there's no right answer. I think the topic is interesting but if we're just going to rehash the stay-at-home thread, I will close this one so we don't have duplicate topics. Thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ringo1
Julia,
This is the exact same thread only with a different title, IMO.
Apparently I missed the other thread. All of this is news to me.
I'd like to continue the conversation, so can some of us can it with the ganging up?
I keep telling them to get a good job with nice health benefits so they can seek therapy in their mid twenties.
Quote:
Originally Posted by formercalifornian
I've always wanted a needlepoint pillow for my couch that says, "We have issues. Doesn't everybody?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
I love, "If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance!"
I met one of my closest friends at a homeschooling park day. We were talking about savings accounts, and she said, "Yeah, we've been putting some aside for their college." Then, under her breath, "Or therapy, whichever they need most at the time." I knew then we'd be good friends!
Every kid is so unique in their needs and personalities. My two couldn't be more different from each other in temperament, willingness to try new things, etc. I remember a comic someone showed me when my oldest was quite young. It said, "If you think how your kid turns out is all up to you, have a second kid." It's so true! They pretty much are who they are. That doesn't mean parents don't have influence at all, I know I absolutely have. Had I been negligent or dismissive of their needs and wants, they wouldn't be who they are now. But you can't make a blanket statement about *A* way being best, because your kid may have different needs. It's about knowing your kids, seeing how they respond, and adjusting accordingly. Even the same child will have different needs as they grow and change.
Please let's not have yet another thread where several people gang up on a few. It's getting rather mean-spirited in here. These debates will not have a winner or loser, because there's no right answer. I think the topic is interesting but if we're just going to rehash the stay-at-home thread, I will close this one so we don't have duplicate topics. Thanks.
It's like a mean girl convention. When you're watching this from the outside, ladies, it looks bad. Very embarassed for you all. Thanks, Julia.
It's like a mean girl convention. When you're watching this from the outside, ladies, it looks bad. Very embarassed for you all. Thanks, Julia.
Yes mommy.
I don't have much sympathy for certain posters, if they can't handle the heat, they shouldn't dish it out.
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Love that too
