Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
YOU are the authority figure at practice and games. YOU discipline him. You DON'T ask mommy to take care of it. If the kid doesn't straighten out, THEN ask the league what you can do. Even if it includes dropping him from the team.
Since when did coaches have to get mommy's blessing to make the kid behave on field?
It sounds like she is trying to handle this herself but it's not working which is why she is here asking for advice on what to do next.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jojo61397
Usually I bench him, tonight it got to the point where I told him one more infraction, he will sit with his mom for the rest of practice.
I find it incredible, too. Why can't the coaches run the team on their own. Why should the coach run to the director/board/whatever.
DISCIPLINE THE DAMN KID!
Because if the parent runs to the coach, it's good to know beforehand whose side the director will be on. That's why I asked whether the OP had already talked to him.
If, after you benched the kid, the director told you, "His mother complained. She paid to have her kid play like everyone else, and you have to let him play," what would you do?
I agree with this. And it's possible that Mom is hoping for this. Many people believe team sports, martial arts etc can put an end to a child's problem behavior. Counselors/therapists even recommend it sometimes. Shocking- I know!
In a cheerful voice away from the other players, I would speak with the child and tell him he is welcome to practice and play as long as he's being nice. Tell him he will have to sit out if he chooses to be not nice.
If he is not nice, in front of the other players, tell him in a sad voice- how sad, you chose not to be nice. Tell him he is welcome to rejoin the team when he can be nice.
And do this as many times as you need to.
I have absolutely NO training. I'm a volunteer. I played soccer for some time in school. This is a volunteer league. It's way outside my authority to enact any kind of real discipline.
I disagree that it is the coach's job to discipline. If the mom is right there, she should step in. It is a fine line, and I think the kid has crossed it. Whatever the OP is doing isn't working. The kid needs something more harsh. I don't know that it is appropriate to do that with he parent sitting right there.
Because if the parent runs to the coach, it's good to know beforehand whose side the director will be on. That's why I asked whether the OP had already talked to him.
If, after you benched the kid, the director told you, "His mother complained. She paid to have her kid play like everyone else, and you have to let him play," what would you do?
I'm late, but you've already gotten great advice. I would go to the director, especially since you feel you don't have the authority to discipline. Hopefully, the director will handle it, but if he/she doesn't, I don't think I would continue to allow my child to be taunted, teased, and bullied. I would remove my child, and I would make sure I let the director know why. I'm sure you're not the only parent bothered by this one child's behavior.
I agree with this. And it's possible that Mom is hoping for this. Many people believe team sports, martial arts etc can put an end to a child's problem behavior. Counselors/therapists even recommend it sometimes. Shocking- I know!
In a cheerful voice away from the other players, I would speak with the child and tell him he is welcome to practice and play as long as he's being nice. Tell him he will have to sit out if he chooses to be not nice.
If he is not nice, in front of the other players, tell him in a sad voice- how sad, you chose not to be nice. Tell him he is welcome to rejoin the team when he can be nice.
And do this as many times as you need to.
Please don't phrase it as *being nice,* that is too undefined. Be specific about the behavior he should be doing. And be specific about what he should not be doing. Telling a kid to *be nice* doesn't work because they really do NOT know what this means at this age.
I have absolutely NO training. I'm a volunteer. I played soccer for some time in school. This is a volunteer league. It's way outside my authority to enact any kind of real discipline.
Volunteers rock!!
As a coach you're teaching your players about the rules of soccer. Don't touch the ball with your hands. Step in after you throw the balk in. Etc.
What happens if they break one of these rules? Penalty against the team, right?
It is your responsibility to make sure the players follow the rules of conduct at practice and games if a parent won't do it. It's part of coaching. My sons have to do reminders (up downs) if they're late, talk while coach is talking, etc
Please don't phrase it as *being nice,* that is too undefined. Be specific about the behavior he should be doing. And be specific about what he should not be doing. Telling a kid to *be nice* doesn't work because they really do NOT know what this means at this age.
My 5 year old certainly knows what it means.
To Jojo-
Be specific the first time you speak with him- no hitting, kicking, hurting others, making gun of others. Because it's not NICE, with emphasis on nice. Penalty will be..... Then tell him what he can do- learn new soccer skills with his teammates and have fun as lo g as he's bring nice, Ask him if he understood what you said and have him tell you what he thinks you said. Make sure it's clear, and then be consistent and follow through.
My 5 year old certainly knows what it means.
To Jojo-
Be specific the first time you speak with him- no hitting, kicking, hurting others, making gun of others. Because it's not NICE, with emphasis on nice. Penalty will be..... Then tell him what he can do- learn new soccer skills with his teammates and have fun as lo g as he's bring nice, Ask him if he understood what you said and have him tell you what he thinks you said. Make sure it's clear, and then be consistent and follow through.
Seriously, kids don't - the phrase is too broad to be useful. If you want kids to behave, you really do need to be specific. The use of nebulous phrases is why kids don't get it. Kindness is a bit better as it is more defined, but being nice can mean too many different things.
My favorite book (someone else here reccommends it all the time too) is How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
