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Old 10-13-2011, 08:56 PM
 
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I coach under 6 co-ed soccer in my community. I'm an unpaid volunteer. I have two assistant coaches. Most of the children are pretty well behaved, sometimes the girls can be weepy, sometimes the boys are hyper. Goes with the territory. My daughter is on the team. The parents stay during games and practices.

One of the team members is very aggressive, rough, and kind of mean. At tonights practice, he kicked a ball hard and hit my daughter in the face, he trips other players (this is a non-aggressive league), he hits, he kicks, he is a larger boy and runs into people, and when the girls get weepy he actually makes fun of them. He has also made fun of my son (the one with autism) for his autism. Usually I bench him, tonight it got to the point where I told him one more infraction, he will sit with his mom for the rest of practice. Anyway, his mom DOES NOTHING. If any of the other players act up, the parents usually intervene, but this mom just sits there. And I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that if I bench him, she'll complain to the soccer league director, but I'm also afraid that he'll hurt other players (he is that rough) and I really get angry that he targets my son.

Because of my son's issues, I don't like disciplining other peoples' children. Do you have any thoughts on how to address this? The mother is kind of frightening, she's a big woman who has a perpetual pissed off look on her face. Any thoughts?
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Old 10-13-2011, 09:04 PM
 
5,698 posts, read 18,476,449 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jojo61397 View Post
I coach under 6 co-ed soccer in my community. I'm an unpaid volunteer. I have two assistant coaches. Most of the children are pretty well behaved, sometimes the girls can be weepy, sometimes the boys are hyper. Goes with the territory. My daughter is on the team. The parents stay during games and practices.

One of the team members is very aggressive, rough, and kind of mean. At tonights practice, he kicked a ball hard and hit my daughter in the face, he trips other players (this is a non-aggressive league), he hits, he kicks, he is a larger boy and runs into people, and when the girls get weepy he actually makes fun of them. He has also made fun of my son (the one with autism) for his autism. Usually I bench him, tonight it got to the point where I told him one more infraction, he will sit with his mom for the rest of practice. Anyway, his mom DOES NOTHING. If any of the other players act up, the parents usually intervene, but this mom just sits there. And I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that if I bench him, she'll complain to the soccer league director, but I'm also afraid that he'll hurt other players (he is that rough) and I really get angry that he targets my son.

Because of my son's issues, I don't like disciplining other peoples' children. Do you have any thoughts on how to address this? The mother is kind of frightening, she's a big woman who has a perpetual pissed off look on her face. Any thoughts?
Ugh...I feel for you. My husband coached my son's little league team for a couple of years. He had similar issues. He had a talk with the parent over one boy that was pretty aggressive. The parent got pissed and did complain but the league backed him. Some never understand the concept of teamwork.
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Old 10-13-2011, 09:29 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
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Have you talked to the league director? It sounds like boy may need to be removed from the team.
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Old 10-13-2011, 09:37 PM
 
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I would give talking to the mother a chance. If you don't want to do it by yourself, ask one of the assistant coaches to do it with you (not both though, that will seem like you're ganging up). She might be under the impression that parents shouldn't interfere with the coaches, which is the norm with older kids.

I wouldn't give a second thought about her complaining to the league director. You are a volunteer and should only be expected to deal with the aspects of the sport, not the behaviors of the players.
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Old 10-13-2011, 09:46 PM
 
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My son had one boy on his team that was really sweet and quiet. Every week he showed up with a new bandage on him. Im not talking a band-aid, Im talking gauze. My husband would ask him what the heck was going on. The boy told my husband that the family dog kept biting him. My husband spoke to the mom and she said it wasn't that serious and if he would just leave the dog alone all would be well. The injuries this kid got were not just nips, they were serious bites that needed medical attention. She never took him which we suspected was because whomever would put in a report that the dog be removed. The boy told my husband that he was terrified of the dog and tried to avoid it but the dog would come after him all the time. The mom was more in love with the dog. My husband and the other coach finally contacted CPS. The mother had to give up the dog and she was not pleased. She wasn't sure who called CPS but suspected the school and went off one day saying how people needed to mind their own business. Sometimes being around other parents is scary.
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Old 10-13-2011, 09:49 PM
 
1,738 posts, read 821,966 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I would give talking to the mother a chance. If you don't want to do it by yourself, ask one of the assistant coaches to do it with you (not both though, that will seem like you're ganging up). She might be under the impression that parents shouldn't interfere with the coaches, which is the norm with older kids.

I wouldn't give a second thought about her complaining to the league director. You are a volunteer and should only be expected to deal with the aspects of the sport, not the behaviors of the players.
Yeah, this. Tell her she HAS to talk to her son about his reckless behavior and "anger issues" or he is off the team. Maybe the mention of "anger issues" will raise a red flag about any similar "issues" that she or the boy's father may have and which the boy unfortunately emulates, as well, without you having to say a thing about it. If the league doesn't back you- tell them you'll need their decision in writing in case the boy causes any serious injury next time so that you won't get sued... Again, without saying a word to the league--- you have put the possible ramifications for ALL involved into perspective for them, as well.

Good luck. I feel for you. The way my daughter's coach was treated by the PARENTS when she played was so appalling that neither me or my daughter wanted her to play the next year.
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Old 10-13-2011, 09:52 PM
 
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Maybe the mother is trying to respect your position as the coach. I understand you do not want to step on toes but maybe she doesn't want to step on yours. I coach as well, and I would not want a parent to intervene with the process. Maybe you should talk to the mom and open with " I appreciate you letting me coach but I would appreciate your assistance with curbing so and so's enthusiasm and competitiveness..."
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Old 10-13-2011, 09:58 PM
 
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I also vote for talking to the boy's parents. They may be trying to let you coach.

I would also talk to your league reps and ask them how such situations have been handled in the past. They are probably more experienced than you are. I am sure this is not the first aggressive kid ever in this league.
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Old 10-13-2011, 10:06 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 103,961,600 times
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Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post
My son had one boy on his team that was really sweet and quiet. Every week he showed up with a new bandage on him. Im not talking a band-aid, Im talking gauze. My husband would ask him what the heck was going on. The boy told my husband that the family dog kept biting him. My husband spoke to the mom and she said it wasn't that serious and if he would just leave the dog alone all would be well. The injuries this kid got were not just nips, they were serious bites that needed medical attention. She never took him which we suspected was because whomever would put in a report that the dog be removed. The boy told my husband that he was terrified of the dog and tried to avoid it but the dog would come after him all the time. The mom was more in love with the dog. My husband and the other coach finally contacted CPS. The mother had to give up the dog and she was not pleased. She wasn't sure who called CPS but suspected the school and went off one day saying how people needed to mind their own business. Sometimes being around other parents is scary.
This is one reason why I tend to have a soft spot for the kids who act up. Usually when children are aggressive and act out like that, they aren't being treated well at home. And the OP does say the boy's mother is scary. The OP is even afraid of her.
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Old 10-13-2011, 10:20 PM
 
Location: here
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My husband also is a U6 volunteer soccer coach, so I asked him. He said he would talk to the league person first, so it is on record that you have an issue with this kid. The league person will hopefully give you some guidance, and will probably tell you to talk to the parent.
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