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Old 10-17-2011, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,958,468 times
Reputation: 3325

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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
When I go over to visit my friend with young kids the whole family spends time on their computers. (Or cell phones.) Some play games. And some are on Facebook etc...Their big screen TV is on the whole time and turned up loud...There is very little ongoing conversation. Everyone just does their own "thing." The kids all have their own Facebook accounts and favorite games...They are nice people. They have been good to me and my son since my husband passed away last year. But it gets boring to stay at their house too long since they are all so preoccupied.
If the parents are paying attention to you what does it matter what the kids do?

When my brothers friends come over or my mom has friends come over I don't make a point to engage in conversation with them, I'll be polite and say hi but beyond that I don't feel like making small talk about the very few subjects I may have in common with them.

Last time my mom's friend was in town, I was so busy with work and my friends I never was home.
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Old 10-17-2011, 11:15 PM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 6,299,579 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
If the parents are paying attention to you what does it matter what the kids do?

When my brothers friends come over or my mom has friends come over I don't make a point to engage in conversation with them, I'll be polite and say hi but beyond that I don't feel like making small talk about the very few subjects I may have in common with them.

Last time my mom's friend was in town, I was so busy with work and my friends I never was home.
My friend and her husband are on their computers when we come to visit. (Along with the kids.) Or they are glued to TV...We don't just drop over. They call and invite us to come over. Needless to say we don't go to visit them very often anymore. They all do solitary things on their computers or cell phones. Or they watch TV. I guess they expect us to sit around and watch them or ??? There is very little conversation or interaction. When we go over there we feel like we're in an episode of "The Twilight Zone" or ??? It seems strange to us!
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Old 10-17-2011, 11:24 PM
 
Location: Wherever life takes me.
6,190 posts, read 7,958,468 times
Reputation: 3325
Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
My friend and her husband are on their computers when we come to visit. (Along with the kids.) Or they are glued to TV...We don't just drop over. They call and invite us to come over. Needless to say we don't go to visit them very often anymore. They all do solitary things on their computers or cell phones. Or they watch TV. I guess they expect us to sit around and watch them or ??? There is very little conversation or interaction. When we go over there we feel like we're in an episode of "The Twilight Zone" or ??? It seems strange to us!
Find new friends.
I go over to my friends houses and we'll watch tv, or play video games, or even the other night my friend and I went to Wyoming on a spur of the moment road trip and for parts of it we just listened to music, no talking, just listening to music and driving.
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Old 10-18-2011, 12:35 AM
 
Location: Southwest Desert
4,166 posts, read 6,299,579 times
Reputation: 3564
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Find new friends.
I go over to my friends houses and we'll watch tv, or play video games, or even the other night my friend and I went to Wyoming on a spur of the moment road trip and for parts of it we just listened to music, no talking, just listening to music and driving.
Good for you for taking the trip to Wyoming with your friend! Sounds like fun!...I've never been into games on the computer. It's never been my "thing." And I'm a private person and don't do Facebook either. Most of the time I just use the computer for emails and doing a few posts once in awhile on forums when I'm alone. Sometimes I do research for articles I'm working on or just to gain personal information etc. But that's about it!
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Old 10-18-2011, 06:05 AM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
4,469 posts, read 7,181,651 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by num1baby View Post
I am very confused by this. What does buying everything for your kids have to do with texting and being rude?
Um...well...without a phone I guess it's hard to text...? Okay, so maybe that's a reach.
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Old 10-18-2011, 06:16 AM
 
1,515 posts, read 2,268,428 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CArizona View Post
I think jobs help teenagers get a taste of what life is like out in the "real world." It helped me develop more social skills and a work ethic. My reputation was at stake and I had to "prove myself" to my bosses and co-workers and my parents...I think my parents probably wanted to make life easier for me since they both grew up poor during the Depression. Good thing that I had an "inner drive" to go to work at an early age and didn't sit back and let them do everything for me. I was involved with some organizations too but it wasn't the same as actually holding down a job on my own.
I agree with your post here.

My parents went through a rough time in my teen years before they started their business. My father, a very educated man and ex executive, had to take some menial jobs to survive for a bit. He was too proud to go on welfare or apply for foodstamps. As a result, any items I wanted, I had to earn. One summer I worked my grubby little fingers off pulling weeds. Another summer I worked for 8 weeks in the Youth Conservation Corps. A summer building rock walls, bush wacking and clearing acres with a machete, picking up debris on the beaches. To make matters really fun, the place where I worked was about a 50 mile drive for my mom so I got to stay with a camp counselor at her home. To earn my keep, I got to help her with chores around her farm after work. Good fun........uggg. I was also the only kid who held a job in my private boarding school (I was on a full scholarship given to needy familiies). I worked in the kitchen and when I got that paycheck, it was a great feeling. That was my money and I had my own bank account at an early age.

What did those summers teach me? Pretty much that I wanted to go to college and get a degree. It also taught me the value of money making me into a life long saver. My husband always teases me about being so frugal. I don't mind spending money to enjoy things in life. I hate wasting it though I am darned sure that my kids value money.

We are fairly affluent but you would never know it by the cars we drive or how we live. We live comfortably and my kids are clean and well dressed. I welcome good condition second hand clothes and will happily take donations. It is unbeliveable how my closets are stuffed with hardly worn or never been worn clothes from various friends, teachers, etc. I kid with my friend that I haven't had to buy a single shirt for my son in years, lol. We try giving back to the community and I will donate time and money and will take my daugther with me. This weekend, we are donating some of our old bikes and helping out on a community bike repair project. I think that it is important to let kids know that there are many folks who really struggle out there. My kids know that we are fairly well off but I make it a point to be frugal and try to imprint savings into their heads. They do get nice gifts on holidays and we do spend money on special things. I like giving them surprises throughout the year and their eyes light up when we make a detour to the toy store. It is a big treat and they really appreciate what they get.

What bothers me greatly and especially in the area where we live is excess. People in our neighborhood very much show their wealth and some of the behavior I see in their kids turn my stomach. One weekend my daughter and I went on a nice mother/daughter shopping spree. Some other moms were in there with their demanding daughters. As the moms were holding up some beautiful clothes, one girl was acting like a spoiled princess and demanding this and that. The mom gave her what she wanted and the brat continued her antics into another store. I see so much excess around here with clothes, new cars and it really bothers me. Giving the kids everything they want isn't a great thing imo. My husband and I have never played the keeping up the the Jones and we pretty much do our own thing and live the lifestyle that is comfortable for the family.

Sorry to get on my soapbox again but this culture of excess, especially in the area where we live, gets to me sometimes.

As to jobs, I am going to encourage my kids to have jobs during the summers when they get older. My daughter actually likes to work and help me with things around the house and has expressed an interest in having a job. That makes me quite happy!!
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Old 10-18-2011, 06:41 AM
 
5,697 posts, read 19,108,689 times
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I don't know if buying a kid everything is as harmful as not making them doing anything.

I am seeing something quite interesting unfold with a relative of mine. She raised the superstars of the family. I can see why she raised her kids the way she did, I think we all tend to bring a bit of baggage to our parenting but its biting her in the ass now. This woman grew up having to do everything from raising her younger siblings to managing a household. She was the eldest and got a lot of responsibility dumped on her. When she got married she felt her kids should simply be kids. No household chores, no making them help out even with small things around the house. Their childhood was all about being able to do whatever activities they wanted and of course doing well in school. I understand that concept but she took it the extreme. The kids moved on to college and are now married and having kids of their own. Although they are establishing themselves in very nice careers, they are completely selfish individuals. During their first year of college their father came down with a very debilitating illness which forced him to stop working. He went from the bread winner to being at home on disability. This woman now had to be the bread winner and makes far less money. They enjoyed an upper middle class lifestyle and now their quality of life is much less. They saved, did everything right but after years they had to tap into the kids college funds. They had to tell the kids they had to pay for their own college. The kids threw quite a fit! Even though they have really nice careers, manage to drive nice cars and buy expensive houses, they complain about their school loans. They rarely help out their father. They care about him but it doesn't even enter their minds that maybe Dad could use some help around the house. Or maybe their mom could use a break on running their father to all the doctor appts etc.

I talked to her the other day and she said she needs to have a sit down with her children (now 28 and 30 yrs old). I think its finally hitting her that they are selfish because they constantly call her for help. Neither adult child knows how to manage their own houses (or refuse to) and constantly call her up for help with painting, cutting the grass etc. Its pretty ridiculous. She is stressed out, works 50 hrs a week, has a dying husband but her adult children don't seem very resilient. It doesn't even phase them to see how stressed out their parents are. Its about them and what they have going on because they were raised that whatever they did came first. These kids didn't grow up having every gadget or latest toy but also they were expected to do anything or help others.
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Old 10-18-2011, 06:52 AM
 
Location: maryland
3,966 posts, read 6,852,082 times
Reputation: 1740
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Oh brother. Are you looking for a pat on the back or something?

yes, i guess the rest of us were raised by hippies without rules, who bought us 30,000 dollar cars,and big screen tv's when they came out. And because we didn't grow up in FARM CULTURE we have no understanding of the value of hard work.
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Old 10-18-2011, 06:53 AM
 
28,164 posts, read 25,235,101 times
Reputation: 16665
Quote:
Originally Posted by paganmama80 View Post
yes, i guess the rest of us were raised by hippies without rules, who bought us 30,000 dollar cars,and big screen tv's when they came out. And because we didn't grow up in FARM CULTURE we have no understanding of the value of hard work.
I guess so!
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Old 10-18-2011, 03:39 PM
 
Location: Where there is too much snow!
7,685 posts, read 13,117,432 times
Reputation: 4376
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
I don't get that part, what in the world does social networking have to do with someone ignoring their parents?

I have a facebook and I have a cellphone with internet and texting but that doesn't mean I ignore anyone nor do I expect anyone to give me anything hand over fist.
I guess I'm just a tad old fashion when it comes to socializing with those who are with and not going off and texting others and ignoreing those who are with you at the moment. And when kids get whatever they want, the more they become mentally seperate from those who are physically with them. They call it "social networking", but is it truly socializing like sitting down over a cup of coffee and chatting face to face? Are they really getting to know each other personally, or are they just going thru the motions.

If you just sit and watch kids these days and pay close attention to their social skills you'll see a huge differance from what it was like 20-25 years ago when we didn't have all the junk to buy them.

Remember riding your bike over to a freinds house to play and their mom or dad would ask, "how's your mom and dad doing these days?" And you would complete the conversation and then off you would go to play. And when you did play, you would use your imagination to come up with games to play. But now, all they do is pick up, plug in and play games that others made for electronics.

Thats how we learned to socialize as children and we played with and had a lot of fun with the "FEW TOYS and games" that mom and dad would buy for us at Christmas and our birthdays. It seems that the kids today have to be constantly stimulated and most of them hardly ever go outside just to play in the dirt.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Oh brother. Are you looking for a pat on the back or something?
Not as much as your trying to be "condescending" .
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