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Old 12-15-2011, 09:03 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,499 posts, read 53,933,224 times
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It's all how each family views it. i talked to a funeral director one time who told me he has had big funerals when there actually wasn't anything to bury or put in a casket but that is what the family wanted.

I have done some volunteer sewing of burial sacques for premmies and families are very appreciative. I used to have a doll shop and several times had families come in looking for clothes to bury miscarried fetuses or premmies in. That is when I contacted several organizations to volunteer my sewing services.

Attitudes have changed a lot in the past few decades. Used to be very little was even said about miscarriages and rarely services. I certainly would not have ginormous photos of the nature the Duggers did. I'm sure even in their groups it made people uncomfortable.
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Old 12-15-2011, 09:04 PM
 
Location: The Cascade Foothills
10,942 posts, read 10,234,335 times
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I know everyone grieves in different ways and it's not up to anyone to dictate how others do their mourning. But I lost an early pregnancy about 24 years ago. I say "pregnancy" because it was a situation where there was no chance of a baby resulting. Even so, it was a huge disappointment to me and I still, to this day, find it hard to talk about.

So, that being said, I have no problem with the memorial, naming the baby, and even the pictures (although it is not something I could do).

What I do have a problem with is how everything is played out so publicly. I felt my loss very deeply and can't imagine making such a public display out of something so private and painful. To me, they are, in a way, exploiting the situation and I can't help but think this whole tragic event will end up as an episode of their show. And I just find that to be kind of distasteful.
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Old 12-15-2011, 09:07 PM
 
18,837 posts, read 37,284,946 times
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This is actually an issue very close to my heart. My son is a funeral director. And yes, there are families that want a full funeral for "angels". And those who just want "disposal" services. There are several methods arranged. Based on what the parents prefer.

I say, it is a personal family matter, and not really appropriate for public comment.
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Old 12-15-2011, 09:40 PM
 
13,252 posts, read 9,874,329 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
It's all how each family views it. i talked to a funeral director one time who told me he has had big funerals when there actually wasn't anything to bury or put in a casket but that is what the family wanted.

I have done some volunteer sewing of burial sacques for premmies and families are very appreciative. I used to have a doll shop and several times had families come in looking for clothes to bury miscarried fetuses or premmies in. That is when I contacted several organizations to volunteer my sewing services.

Attitudes have changed a lot in the past few decades. Used to be very little was even said about miscarriages and rarely services. I certainly would not have ginormous photos of the nature the Duggers did. I'm sure even in their groups it made people uncomfortable.
That's a very good point.

I can't imagine sewing those outfits. How unbearably sad.
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Old 12-15-2011, 10:48 PM
 
5,126 posts, read 7,387,770 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
No. I never intended to carry it this far. It seems you have to be right, so go ahead and believe your TV doctor.
Oh the irony.
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Old 12-15-2011, 10:52 PM
 
5,126 posts, read 7,387,770 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Indeed. Nowhere in my post did I even hint that I was referring to CD people.
Nor did you specifically clarify that you weren't talking about CD people. Since you were talking to us, most would assume you were referring to us, unless given reason to think otherwise.

Seems I'm not the only one who thought so. Take a little responsibility for the confusing way you wrote it.

Last edited by Shooting Stars; 12-15-2011 at 11:08 PM..
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Old 12-16-2011, 04:42 AM
 
28,164 posts, read 25,238,496 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
It's all how each family views it. i talked to a funeral director one time who told me he has had big funerals when there actually wasn't anything to bury or put in a casket but that is what the family wanted.

I have done some volunteer sewing of burial sacques for premmies and families are very appreciative. I used to have a doll shop and several times had families come in looking for clothes to bury miscarried fetuses or premmies in. That is when I contacted several organizations to volunteer my sewing services.

Attitudes have changed a lot in the past few decades. Used to be very little was even said about miscarriages and rarely services. I certainly would not have ginormous photos of the nature the Duggers did. I'm sure even in their groups it made people uncomfortable.
I'm so very grateful that this attitude has changed. I have several older female relatives that had miscarriages and they've told me how terrible it was to be "shushed" about their feelings and depression about it.
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Old 12-16-2011, 06:45 AM
 
1,135 posts, read 2,380,554 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post
Yes there is. Because people are uncomfortable with the idea of a malformed/unformed human being. They are uncomfortable and horrified enough with the death of a live, birthed child let alone that of one that hasn't ever had a breath of air. Because of other people's discomfort, many women keep their grief to themselves. They are told that their baby wasn't "really real" and that they should be grateful it happened when it did & not when it was a "real" baby.

That attitude needs to change. Pronto Squanto.
As someone who suffered an early second-semester miscarriage I understand the pain Michelle is going through. And, as a Christian I do believe it was a baby and not "medical waste." The family deserves to grieve however they see fit.

Sill, it wasn't the same devastating loss as losing a child. I can't imagine getting through that experience.

Last week, there was a devastating accident in our area. A grandma was driving her grandchildren, ages 2 and 7 months when she hit a propane truck head-on. They were all killed instantly.

It really shook me up to think of what the poor mom must be going through. The baby's obit said something like, "He had just learned to say his first and only word---mamma." The 2-year-old's obit said, "All he wanted for Christmas was a tree. He helped his dad chop one down and the family decorated it together the weekend before he went to heaven."

As a mom of three, I see the loss of an unborn baby and a baby that you have held and nursed and cared for as two separate things.
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Old 12-16-2011, 08:50 AM
 
28,164 posts, read 25,238,496 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46 View Post
As someone who suffered an early second-semester miscarriage I understand the pain Michelle is going through. And, as a Christian I do believe it was a baby and not "medical waste." The family deserves to grieve however they see fit.

Sill, it wasn't the same devastating loss as losing a child. I can't imagine getting through that experience.

Last week, there was a devastating accident in our area. A grandma was driving her grandchildren, ages 2 and 7 months when she hit a propane truck head-on. They were all killed instantly.

It really shook me up to think of what the poor mom must be going through. The baby's obit said something like, "He had just learned to say his first and only word---mamma." The 2-year-old's obit said, "All he wanted for Christmas was a tree. He helped his dad chop one down and the family decorated it together the weekend before he went to heaven."

As a mom of three, I see the loss of an unborn baby and a baby that you have held and nursed and cared for as two separate things.
As do I, but I wouldn't tell someone else they should feel the same way, kwim?

That story is heartbreaking. Some people suffer so much loss that it's unfathomable.
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Old 12-16-2011, 08:51 AM
 
1,226 posts, read 2,366,187 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaMc46 View Post
As a mom of three, I see the loss of an unborn baby and a baby that you have held and nursed and cared for as two separate things.
I agree. I don't think anybody is disputing that. It is still sometimes a great loss and considered as a child, even though the time to bond was obviously shortened.
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