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It's a fine line and every child is a bit different. I have only spanked each of my children with a belt once. In life or death situations, you have to get your childs attention. You have to use what ever means necessary so that your child understand that crossing a busy street without looking is dangerous. If using fear helps save their lives so be it. Not every child is going to listen when you quietly sit them down and explain why they need to be careful crossing the street. Giving them a time out may not sufficient enough to keep them from sticking a fork in a light socket. Some will listen and heed your advice, some will not and for the ones that wont, spank them with a belt to get their attention. If FEAR of a belt spanking is the only thing that keeps them from playing in the street so be it. Like I said, each child is a bit different and each parent has to find out for their own what works for discipling their child.
Face it we l;earn from a very young age how to get the responses we want. If crying works we will continue to use it. If embarrassment works we will continue to use that. If you give a child a weapon, you can expect them to use it against you. nothing different than what you do in getting what you want. spanking comes from those that aren't clever enough to understand a situation and they let their kids get the better of them.
The greatest tool in a parents list of punishment.... disappointment. That will carry further / longer than anything else.... If you establish yourself as the leader of the pack.
I find I can with little more than a look keep others children from acting out in public.
It's a fine line and every child is a bit different. I have only spanked each of my children with a belt once. In life or death situations, you have to get your childs attention. You have to use what ever means necessary so that your child understand that crossing a busy street without looking is dangerous. If using fear helps save their lives so be it. Not every child is going to listen when you quietly sit them down and explain why they need to be careful crossing the street. Giving them a time out may not sufficient enough to keep them from sticking a fork in a light socket. Some will listen and heed your advice, some will not and for the ones that wont, spank them with a belt to get their attention. If FEAR of a belt spanking is the only thing that keeps them from playing in the street so be it. Like I said, each child is a bit different and each parent has to find out for their own what works for discipling their child.
The problem is that this does not work for the most part. It teaches kids to sneak around so they don't get caught doing what you are spanking them for.
It changes the focus from their actions to the punishment itself, which interferes with the lesson.
One reason why almost everyone overestimates the effectiveness of spanking is that we have “selective inattention.” We simply do not remember when spanking fails, as it does most of the time, because it contradicts what we want to believe. Partly this is because our culture believes spanking is “normal” and partly because many of us were spanked as children. It is difficult for us as adults to relate our adult problems to childhood spanking or to condemn our parents.
Quote:
In the Summer 1987 issue of _Children_ magazine,
Dr. Dennis Embry writes:
"Since 1977 I have been heading up the only long-term project designed to counteract pedestrian accidents to preschool-aged children. (Surprisingly, getting struck by a car is about the third leading cause of death to young children in the United States.)
"Actual observation of parents and children shows that spanking, scolding, reprimanding and nagging INCREASES the rate of street entries by children. Children use going into the street as a near-perfect way to gain parents' attention. "Now there is a promising new educational intervention program, called Safe Playing.
Last edited by JustJulia; 11-11-2011 at 10:51 AM..
Reason: please only quote a few sentences, not long passages
Face it we l;earn from a very young age how to get the responses we want. If crying works we will continue to use it. If embarrassment works we will continue to use that. If you give a child a weapon, you can expect them to use it against you. nothing different than what you do in getting what you want. spanking comes from those that aren't clever enough to understand a situation and they let their kids get the better of them.
Quote:
The greatest tool in a parents list of punishment.... disappointment. That will carry further / longer than anything else.... If you establish yourself as the leader of the pack.
Protect them until they can understand then let them suffer the NATURAL consequences of their actions. And talk to them.
nice read, but the problem is, my kids don't want stickers for NOT playing in the street. They want video games..
In fairness, my kids are of the age where they ride their bikes in the street. We live in a lonely culdesac with little to no traffic so that eases my fears of street accidents. The issue at hand for me is the fear of dangerous activity by my child. I can't risk my childs health by engaging in physcological warfare with them when I know that a quick belt whipping will keep them in line. Like I said earlier, I have only belt whipped them each one time. But I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if I felt it was necessary to keep them from endangering them selves or someone else.
nice read, but the problem is, my kids don't want stickers for NOT playing in the street. They want video games..
Your kids aren't bright enough to understand that playing in the street can kill them?
Quote:
In fairness, my kids are of the age where they ride their bikes in the street. We live in a lonely culdesac with little to no traffic so that eases my fears of street accidents. The issue at hand for me is the fear of dangerous activity by my child.
So you BECOME the danger to your child? The bike issue is easy. Ride your bike responsibly and safely or you can't ride your bike. Why do you have to hit them?
Quote:
I can't risk my childs health by engaging in physcological warfare with them when I know that a quick belt whipping will keep them in line.
I think I won't read you anymore. I don't want to be throwing up at work.
Eventually, YES, they figured out that playing in the street is harmful but like all kids, they weren't born with that knowledge....
That's just it, I don't have to hit them.. but I'm not stupid to think that if I were to spank them they would grow up to be CRIMINALS and THUGS!
That is the extent of your hopes and dreams for them? That they don't grow up to become criminals and thugs? When they are done being obedient out of fear of you, to whom will they transfer their fear and obedience? How will they learn to think if they are simply expected to act like one of Pavlov's dogs?
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