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I am curious. When your kids ask you WHY, what do you tell them? Why do I have to share? Why can't I be mean to my sister? Why don't you cheat on your taxes if you are not going to get caught? Not safety issues, that is obvious. Religious people, do you tell them because God says so? Do they accept and agree with that explanation?
Somebodynew to answer your original question: We stuck pretty much to Judeo-Christian ethics which is what we were both raised on. (The old 'If it ain't broke don't fix it' rule.)
I don't think we ever said, "Because God says so." When they were very small they couldn't understand the concept of God. And by the time they were old enough we'd pretty much indoctrinated them and there were no dissenters. (I have this picture in my head of people freaking out here, lol.) We have a family moral code on how you live your life that would probably make a Marine DI happy.
They were also raised to be proactive about doing the right and decent thing and that was outside of any religious beliefs. They had a lot of examples of close non-Christian (and non-religious) family friends who lead very decent, good and moral lives.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 11-15-2011 at 12:19 PM..
Reason: Clarity. As always. Unless it's spelling.
There is a difference between morality and values. Religion is the latter, based on the former. Morality itself is essentially a construct of a given society that has decided that certain behaviors are moral acceptible. Hence, why we can have atheists, Catholics, Protestants, Orthodox, Jews and Muslims all sharing essentially the same morality, while having differing values. Religions basically codified what was already in existence and enforce that behavior under the threat of eternal damnation or eternal reward.
As for what to tell children, the simplest answer is always the best and I like what Mattie said, because it is the right thing to do. If that answer is not sufficient, place it into the context of how they would feel if the act was being perpetrated on them. How would you like it if your sister hurt you? Making them answer their own questions through thought allows them to spark their own internal morality.
Like others have said, with little kids I think you talk about morality in terms of the Golden Rule. We treat people the way we want to be treated.
As my daughter has gotten older, I've told her that if you tell a lie even once about something (not the everyday nice lies, "you look great today," even when someone doesn't--another topic entirely) that you will forever have the reputation as a liar. If at some point a teacher or principal is having to evaluate who is lying and who is telling the truth about something, you want them thinking, "I've never known Sarah to lie before" rather than, "Oh yeah--she lied about losing her homework last year." The same is true for cheating, stealing, etc. I've tried to explain that your reputation is priceless and you never know when someone is going to be evaluating it. Those explanations go hand-in-hand with "because it's the right thing to do."
And as always, setting an example is the best way to teach a child anything.
So my husband and I were talking last night about what it means to raise moral kids. He was saying how people who are religious sometimes assume that morality is not important to atheists or that it is difficult to explain morality to kids.
I am curious. When your kids ask you WHY, what do you tell them? Why do I have to share? Why can't I be mean to my sister? Why don't you cheat on your taxes if you are not going to get caught? Not safety issues, that is obvious. Religious people, do you tell them because God says so? Do they accept and agree with that explanation?
I am working through what I think of this. Thanks.
I just tell my kids it's the right thing to do. I ask them what the world would be like if everyone did as they did. I've never told them "Because God says so". Dd asked me last Sunday why we have to go to church. I told her the story of the indian grandfather telling the story of the two wolves to his grandson and told her we go so that we feed our good wolf, because we need to be around people who believe as we do, because we need to grow in faith.
I remember when my daughter was 9 or 10 we were coming out of the supermarket and the bag return had been knocked over and there were plastic bags all over the parking lot. Without being asked or told to she ran around the parking lot and picked up all the bags and put them back into the container. An older lady walked by and expressed astonishment. I showed her the small garbage can in the back of my car for all the stuff I pick up in my travels to through out latter.
Morality can be picked up just by watching others. I rarely, "explained" anything to my daughter but when she would ask "why" we did things I always expected her to put herself in the other person's place and imagine how she would feel. She is exceptionally compassionate and I always wonder how much of that is her innate personality and how much is nurture.
So my husband and I were talking last night about what it means to raise moral kids. He was saying how people who are religious sometimes assume that morality is not important to atheists or that it is difficult to explain morality to kids.
I am curious. When your kids ask you WHY, what do you tell them? Why do I have to share? Why can't I be mean to my sister? Why don't you cheat on your taxes if you are not going to get caught? Not safety issues, that is obvious. Religious people, do you tell them because God says so? Do they accept and agree with that explanation?
I am working through what I think of this. Thanks.
I have never really associated moral behavior with religion. My parents (mom mostly) raised me to have high morals, and also raised me going to church. One wasn't necessarily because of the other. I think it is more important to teach kids to treat other people as they would want to be treated. It is a less abstract concept for them. I don't know... I just don't necessarily connect the two. Especially since some of the supposedly more religious people turn out to be some of the least moral.
I have never really associated moral behavior with religion. My parents (mom mostly) raised me to have high morals, and also raised me going to church. One wasn't necessarily because of the other. I think it is more important to teach kids to treat other people as they would want to be treated. It is a less abstract concept for them. I don't know... I just don't necessarily connect the two. Especially since some of the supposedly more religious people turn out to be some of the least moral.
Actually, that makes sense. If your morals come only from being told what to do, you rebel.
So my husband and I were talking last night about what it means to raise moral kids. He was saying how people who are religious sometimes assume that morality is not important to atheists or that it is difficult to explain morality to kids.
I am curious. When your kids ask you WHY, what do you tell them? Why do I have to share? Why can't I be mean to my sister? Why don't you cheat on your taxes if you are not going to get caught? Not safety issues, that is obvious. Religious people, do you tell them because God says so? Do they accept and agree with that explanation?
I am working through what I think of this. Thanks.
When my kids ask me why they can't do something that is morally wrong, I refer to the golden rule: Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
It is a basic teaching of Jesus, but similar commands can be found in other religions. I am a evangelical Christian but I do not believe you have to be religious to be moral. There are plenty of immoral Christians and plenty of moral agnostics and atheists.
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(I have this picture in my head of people freaking out here, lol.) We have a family moral code on how you live your life that would probably make a Marine DI happy. 
