Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
A teen or young adult under 25, according to the research, is reacting to his gut, not his intellect. He is more apt to be brainwashed, addicted, is self-centered, and most easily led and trained. He also has faster reflexes. There are pluses and minuses to this time period, (state of being), for their future life and happiness.
They are more easily molded into certain professions--such as the military. They can be caught up forever in cults and addiction. They are self-centered and single minded, if they are so inclined they can achieve amazing creative success. Because they are thinking from the gut they can also be completely selfless and heroic as well as idealistic. An example of this would be all of the student protests around the world, as well as those here. Not very often are the over 25 group willing to risk their jobs, status, or safety to foment change.
They love fiercely and deeply. Sometimes leading to heartbreak, but other times leading to lifelong happiness--because of still developing and not being set in their ways.(how many of you still have a bit of yearning for your first love.) While being in the self-centered mode they are learning what it is that they are, and will most likely keep their belief throughout their lives.
So it is a critical period. Positive guidance is good, too much control isn't. Living on one's own at this stage can teach Independence, self-reliance, and the financial facts of life.
I personally would prefer being chauffeured by a bright 17 year old, than a 50 something with a heart condition.
Very good post and I think this is the wise approach to raising a responsible adult. The guidance and mentoring goes well into their 20s, as long as an atmosphere of mutual respect was developed by age 18.
My parents were the "out by 18" type. They left me without resources and with a very difficult situation to figure out with paying for college, living expenses and and earning income while going to school. They have been critical about how I and my sister have done things w/ our kids - wh/ was much more supportive but still respecting (and expecting) responsible behavior on the part of our still growing and maturing young adult children. Now that my parents are elderly and they can see the results of how we raised grandchildren we are ALL proud of, I think my parents see they were too rigid about the "out by 18" rule. However, it was very common to have that rule where we grew up.
I think our way of "guiding and mentoring" past 18 has worked very well. We have responsible adult children now who continue to excel whether in their studies or profession. And they don't avoid their parents - we actually enjoying sharing info.
They keep me current, too! The mentoring and sharing can go both ways! Thank god they help me with technology!
I think part of it is you can't mature as an adult until you start experiencing it. When you're 18, you've just become an adult, and so far you have no experience yet with adulthood.
I think part of it is you can't mature as an adult until you start experiencing it. When you're 18, you've just become an adult, and so far you have no experience yet with adulthood.
Very good post and I think this is the wise approach to raising a responsible adult. The guidance and mentoring goes well into their 20s, as long as an atmosphere of mutual respect was developed by age 18.
My parents were the "out by 18" type. They left me without resources and with a very difficult situation to figure out with paying for college, living expenses and and earning income while going to school. They have been critical about how I and my sister have done things w/ our kids - wh/ was much more supportive but still respecting (and expecting) responsible behavior on the part of our still growing and maturing young adult children. Now that my parents are elderly and they can see the results of how we raised grandchildren we are ALL proud of, I think my parents see they were too rigid about the "out by 18" rule. However, it was very common to have that rule where we grew up.
I think our way of "guiding and mentoring" past 18 has worked very well. We have responsible adult children now who continue to excel whether in their studies or profession. And they don't avoid their parents - we actually enjoying sharing info.
They keep me current, too! The mentoring and sharing can go both ways! Thank god they help me with technology!
Was sad at the beginning of your post just imagining how desperate that must feel, but was so happy at the end to hear of your success as a parent and grandparent. Living a good life is the best revenge.
Was sad at the beginning of your post just imagining how desperate that must feel, but was so happy at the end to hear of your success as a parent and grandparent. Living a good life is the best revenge.
It was a desperate feeling but my parents had been raised to "leave at 18" as was common w/ everyone in the communities where my parents grew up. Folks either joined the military, got a fulltime job, or got a part time job, went to school, got married . . . My parents helped w/ my tuition my first year but I was expected to have made money to pay for all my expenses (I had saved up all my money from working in the summers). The money ran out in one semester - so I had no money for food and art supplies. It was just nuts. I got a job, of course. My parents thought this was teaching me to be an adult. My younger sister was treated differently - they paid her tuition and expenses - she didn't have to work. So maybe my parents learned something, too, along the way.
It did nothing to make me mature by being in a difficult financial position at such a young age. It held me back from venturing out on my own to a new city for a job, for one thing. Had my parents been willing to help me after college w/ downpayment on an apartment in a bigger city, I would have had a much better start on my career. As it was, I was "stuck" in smalltown, USA for quite a while. I made the best of it, but I feel I missed out on opportunities and got married for security at too young an age, which then limited my world even further (and ended in divorce).
Parents can be too indulgent and protective, wh/ keeps young adults from having to stretch their wings and learn how to take responsibility for themselves. However, young adults should also know they have a "spot to land" if things do get complicated (job loss, financial issues, health issues).
As long as our kids are in school, progressing (or have a job and are being responsible about their finances). . . and behaving responsibly (no drugs, no overuse of alcohol) . . . being supportive to them through good communication and making sure they are able to eat properly, have healthcare insurance so they can maintain their health, have warm clothing and transportion . . . those things are parental responsibilities even after kids are out of college.
Parents can be too indulgent and protective, wh/ keeps young adults from having to stretch their wings and learn how to take responsibility for themselves. However, young adults should also know they have a "spot to land" if things do get complicated (job loss, financial issues, health issues).
As long as our kids are in school, progressing (or have a job and are being responsible about their finances). . . and behaving responsibly (no drugs, no overuse of alcohol) . . . being supportive to them through good communication and making sure they are able to eat properly, have healthcare insurance so they can maintain their health, have warm clothing and transportion . . . those things are parental responsibilities even after kids are out of college.
Anyway, that is what I believe.
I agree with you.
There was a thread (from a poster on this thread) that was asking about what to do with an 18 year old who had been into drugs, and had sex in his parent's bed (actually on the only weekend he had ever been left alone), and was not a responsible person at all- ( didn't take care of or feed his own pets). So many people told her she should kick him out so that he could learn responsibility. Or encourage him to go into the service.--I was one of those. She countered that it took some kids longer to grow up and some are just absentminded, like when he can't find his keys, or walks out without locking the door. PLEAZZEE!! My thought was that he was never given any responsibility or consequences for his actions at a young age, too much was done for him. He really needs some structure and dicipline for his own good. I fear he will never be an independant contributing member of society.
As long as our kids are in school, progressing (or have a job and are being responsible about their finances). . . and behaving responsibly (no drugs, no overuse of alcohol) . . . being supportive to them through good communication and making sure they are able to eat properly, have healthcare insurance so they can maintain their health, have warm clothing and transportion . . . those things are parental responsibilities even after kids are out of college.
Anyway, that is what I believe.
I'm a little confused (sorry) because your first sentence doesn't match the last. You believe that parents should be paying for food, health care insurance, clothes and transportation even AFTER they've graduated from college? They'll be 22-23 then. When do you think parents should start making them pay for these things?
(I can understand wanting to help out a good kid with some things, but to say it's a "parental responsibility"? I'm going to think about that one.)
Last edited by DewDropInn; 11-30-2011 at 08:39 AM..
Very good post and I think this is the wise approach to raising a responsible adult. The guidance and mentoring goeswell into their 20s, as long as an atmosphere of mutual respect was developed by age 18.
... Now that my parents are elderly and they can see the results of how we raised grandchildren we are ALL proud of, I think my parents see they were too rigid about the "out by 18" rule. However, it was very common to have that rule where we grew up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821
Parents can be too indulgent and protective, wh/ keeps young adults from having to stretch their wings and learn how to take responsibility for themselves. However, young adults should also know they have a "spot to land" if things do get complicated (job loss, financial issues, health issues).
As long as our kids are in school, progressing (or have a job and are being responsible about their finances). . . and behaving responsibly (no drugs, no overuse of alcohol) . . . being supportive to them through good communication and making sure they are able to eat properly, have healthcare insurance so they can maintain their health, have warm clothing and transportion . . . those things are parental responsibilities even after kids are out of college.
"..guidance and mentoring goes well into their 20's.".
"..how we raised grandchildren."
"Parents can be too indulgent and protective,..."
Eating properly, warm clothing, transportation, health insurance.. "those things are PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITIES even after kids are OUT OF COLLEGE."?????????????
Umm, that's not really raising mature, responsible adults. It's keeping them children until they are 30 or beyond. Making sure they wipe their noses well into their twenties and raising THEIR children is NOT raising mature, responsible adults. You are raising grown children, not adults.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LogicIsYourFriend
I think part of it is you can't mature as an adult until you start experiencing it. When you're 18, you've just become an adult, and so far you have no experience yet with adulthood.
Exactly. You can't practice if you're not out there on your own.
Last edited by myheartisindallas; 11-30-2011 at 09:12 AM..
I think our only job as parents is to rear responsible and independent adults. This does start from the moment they are born - I agree with that statement from a prior post. Surely, every child is different. Some require a lot more supervision a lot longer than others. We all contain various genes, some for illness, some for genius. When we have children we are playing a kind of genetic roulette, hoping that are smart and healthy genes are the ones that are activated.
Even within the 'normal' child developmental stages there is a lot of leeway. So, part of the parenting job is closely observing our child and presenting challenges appropriate to his development when he i ready for them.
I don't think there is anything wrong with giving financial aid, if you can afford it, to a child who is not an excessive partier, who gets good grades in college, who has a part or full time job to help him through school. I don't think it is even bad to wave room and board. You know your kid is responsible and trying hard and not wasting a lot of time.
On the other hand, if the child is not self motivated, has little direction in life and just wants to skim by doing as little as possible, sure, kick him out. The sooner he learns the hard lessons of life the sooner he will get his own life in shape and start doing what he has to to survive and hopefully thrive.
"..guidance and mentoring goes well into their 20's.".
"..how we raised grandchildren."
"Parents can be too indulgent and protective,..."
Eating properly, warm clothing, transportation, health insurance.. "those things are PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITIES even after kids are OUT OF COLLEGE."?????????????
Umm, that's not really raising mature, responsible adults. It's keeping them children until they are 30 or beyond. Making sure they wipe their noses well into their twenties and raising THEIR children is NOT raising mature, responsible adults. You are raising grown children, not adults.
Exactly. You can't practice if you're not out there on your own.
Don't know what it is that I wrote that ticked you off so much, lol. I think you misread something - I was saying my parents are proud of THEIR GRANDCHILDREN. My sisters and I do not have any grandchildren - our kids range from 13 to 28, lol.
And yes, if my kids need a warm coat or pair of boots and they don't have the cash for it, of course I am gonna buy that for them. And I paid for my son's healthcare insurance until he got a job which had healthcare. How could he pay for healthcare insurance when he was unemployed???
If you don't think those things are parental responsibilities until your kids get fully employed and can live on their own, that's your business, of course. Legally, you are not obliged to do it! I just can't imagine that you wouldn't WANT to do it.
Last edited by brokensky; 11-30-2011 at 01:48 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
helping young adults
