I need options son expelled!!! (games, chart, college, engage)
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The OP said something about 1 parent did 1 thing and 1 parent did something else - the syntax, grammar, sentence structure, and punctuation makes it impossible to comprehend any of it.
But considering that "1 parent *xxxx* and 1 parent *yyy*" that indicates to me that there were TWO victims, which was why the kid got expelled.
No getting around it. Your son did a stupid thing and now he has to pay the consequences for it. I would send him to the alternative school in the hopes that after a while of good behavior he could return to his regular school - both older and wiser. If you think he needs counseling - please get him counseling. If you think that this experience and this punishment are enough to get him back on track, counseling may not be necessary.
Do take this incident very seriously and expect better behavior from him - no more touching girls at school. No more horsing around at school. No more headlocks at any time.
Good luck to you both.
Pity that these days, given no corporal punishment,
we now have
No more horsing around at school.
No more headlocks at any time.
pretty much no nothin.
And we are considering
alternative school in the hopes that ....
and
counseling
You guys, this has nothing to do with smacking someone's ass, read the above highlighted section, he pushed her up against a wall and fondled her. This has nothing to do with rough-housing or shenanigans.
She was "told" this. She needs to get a copy of the incident report.... I have learned the hard way that you have to see the documents and know school policy before making any decisions. There was no written report for the kid who exposed himself to my GD. No names of the kids that confirmed it (I asked for a copy with names redacted). The principal said he didn't write it up BC the kid admitted it and, ultimately, he was given a week suspension from the bus, even though, initially, the principal told me that he would be suspended for the rest of the year and may not be permitted back this year. School admins haven't gotten where they were BC of their inexperience with politics. The kid's folks had clout, I was just a newly relocated GM raising her GD.
Everything the OP has reported being told is subjective. She needs to see, in writing, what occurred. What, exactly constituted the "headlock"? What was the "inappropriate touching". Even in public school, kids should be innocent until proven guilty. If the incidents were as stated, shouldn't they have been reported to the police? Shouldn't therapy also have been required if what he did was as stated?
If the OP is accurately stating what she was told, this whole thing sounds fishy to me.
Last edited by Magnolia Bloom; 12-05-2011 at 05:57 PM..
(this is in response to Aidxen's post above)If I recall, you have a teen daughter. Are you seriously okay with an 8th grader putting her in a headlock, pushing her up against the wall and touching her inappropriately? Your answer to everything is corporal punishment. What does corporal punishment have to do with anything? It's not an option. Ever hear of a "one trick pony"?
Pity that these days, given no corporal punishment,
we now have
No more horsing around at school.
No more headlocks at any time.
pretty much no nothin.
And we are considering
alternative school in the hopes that ....
and
counseling
all over some grade 8 horsing around.
I admit that zero tolerance policies are ridiculous, but why would 'no headlocks at any time' be a BAD thing? I don't think students suffer if they can't go around putting each into headlocks and shoving each other up against walls.
(this is in response to Aidxen's post above)If I recall, you have a teen daughter. Are you seriously okay with an 8th grader putting her in a headlock, pushing her up against the wall and touching her inappropriately? Your answer to everything is corporal punishment. What does corporal punishment have to do with anything? It's not an option. Ever hear of a "one trick pony"?
Beat the crap out of anything troublesome and then you don't have to think.
I think everyone is overreacting. I'm sure he is not a monster, and I'm sure that if he was clearly told that his behavior is apparantly not acceptable at school he is to refrain from horseplay in the halls, that should be sufficient. It's a lot cheaper than taking him to a shrink for being a boy.
By the way, headlocks are not illegal and they don't kill anyone.
Just a quick Google search found lots of deaths from headlocks. Most of them were from playing around or to stop someone from hitting them. They can be very dangerous if you don't know what you are doing and I am going to guess that this kid doesn't have experience as a professional wrestler.
I am not saying he should have been expelled. I am still on the fence about that until we get a clearer picture of what actually happened. I just wanted to point out that headlocks can be very dangerous.
The thing that I keep coming back to - is schools are so zero tolerance about any kind of bullying anymore (at least our school district) that for a boy in 7th grade (or whatever) to do that would really be out of the norm. Our schools have very strict policies about that kind of stuff, so unlike when some of us were kids and you could "roughhouse" or whatever you want to call it - you just wouldn't do it now. I try to imagine either of my sons in 7th grade touching a girl like that and I cannot imagine it happening, nor would I shrug it off. It sounds inappropriate. All of my kids -boys and girls - learn from a very early age that you don't put your hands on other people. I don't know if he should have been expelled, and the OP hasn't come back to clarify, but I'm thinking there is more to this story if they want to send him to a different school. I wonder if he has a history of getting in trouble before.
If I was walking down the street and a man put me in a headlock, pushed me against a wall and fondled me, would that be prosecutable? Would it be life changing?
Yes and Yes
Imagine the same scenario except we'll change the street to the office and the man to a coworker. Would the man get fired? Would I press charges?
He better and yes.
Now why should this behavior be tolerated at school exactly?
Two things --
one - these were kids who knew each other and were rough-housing around
two - they are 12 year olds, if they were 5 or 6 years younger, they could be caught playing doctor and no one would bat an eye.
The school apparently let a butt-spanking game go on every Friday between 12 year old boys and girls and just like any sane person might expect, it got a bit out of hand.
Definitely the boy needs to be taught that what happened should not have happened, he should not have done a headlock on a girl, he shouldn't have even been doing the hitting on the butt -- even if the school allowed that to go on. But he's 12. He's just a pre-teen or early teen, maybe doesn't know his own strength or the much weaker strength of a girl. It's not time to hang him.
I thought that too but if the administrator is referring him to alternative school, does that mean he has to remain there for the rest of his middle school years?
OP have you read through the student handbook of your son's school?
Out of curiousity regarding this thread and a recent convo with a parent who has middle school children I went and looked at our local schools handbook.
In our public middle school even Public Display of Affection is warrant enough for in school suspension! Our school system has a zero tolernace policy for any inappropiate behaviour, dress code and even (I swear to you) having cell-phones or other devices on campus results in fines, taking away, in school suspension, out of school suspension, campus clean up and at the administrators discretion explusion to an alternative school.
And if these policies are similar and your son was aware of it, then I truly suggest a sincere public apology especially if he never got in trouble like that before and some form of counseling involvement. Times have changed and school is not the way it use to be in our generation.
Again I am not trying to belittle the situation for all parties involved but if you say that your son never ever in God's honest truth got in trouble like that before and is an Angel then you need to be proactive, work with the school and not against them, work with this girls parents and come to a solution even if it is not one you may like.
But it does not seem this school was a school like yours. Would your school allow coed rough play and a game like a** smacking to get started and go on?
I think smarter school administrators make an effort to prevent problems in the first place, not just zero tolerance but keep a close eye on developing situations.
I know a couple whose 8th grade son was suspended because the boys were giving each other wedgies and one girl who was their friend thought it looked like great fun and jumped into the action - thought it was funny to give wedgies but when this boy gave her one, later she told her mother why it hurt down there and the mother ran to the school and made it sound like a pervert got to her daughter.
He's actually a very nice kid and was humiliated beyond belief but like some 12 year olds do -- they don't think all things out before doing them.
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