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Am I wrong to be upset that people are just buying a "joint gift" for birthday and christmas for my son? He turns 1 on the 21st and it seems like my family is just buying him one gift. I dont really find that to be fair to the child (especially as he gets older). What can I say or do? I'm tempted to buy them a "joint gift" even if their birthday is in April :P
If I were you I'd attempt to have a birthday party either the week before his birthday or the first weekend after New Years. We've had to do this with our kids. That way their birthdays are still acknowledged, separately and you give people a decent, probable chance of attending when it won't coincide with holiday parties.
I think what irritates me the most about the post is that it's a 1 year old child. What's wrong here is there is, once again, a lack of "empathy" going on. It can be pretty stressful, having so many people to think of getting presents for...what to buy, who to buy for, how to pay all of those pesky bills in ADDITION to getting Christmas presents for everyone you don't want to feel left out. To put the extra burden (emotionally/financially) on people, just because YOU had a child close to Christmas, is downright disrespectful. When your child gets older, it will be a bigger deal. Even now, with hubby and I, it's tough for our grown kids! They don't just have to think of what to get us for Christmas, they have our birthdays right before X-mas too. It's stretching THEIR budgets and imaginations, having to get us gifts for 2 occasions.
Like I said, as a child, it was a gyp. My parents were generally Christmas shopping on my birthday, and hell, didn't even remember that it WAS my birthday 99% of the time. There was no celebration or party. As long as you can keep it alive for your child, by having cake and presents that YOU bought, she/he will be happy. You may have to make a decision though...do you have your family give their X-mas gift to your child now?...or on X-mas? If you make a huge issue out of it, they may not buy anything. Don't cause family strife where there shouldn't be.
Addition: Having a child so close to Christmas is a fantastic opportunity for you. It gives you the chance to TEACH your child about empathy. To you and your child, their birthday is GOING to be a big event...or it should be. For others, who may have their own children, grandchildren and parents to think about at this time of year, you should NOT "expect" them to make YOUR child's birthday their priority.
To put the extra burden (emotionally/financially) on people, just because YOU had a child close to Christmas, is downright disrespectful.
How DARE you place blame on me having my child close to christmas, as if I had a choice in the matter? I had a 5% chance of even conceiving a child due to infertility, so we werent even expecting to have a child in the first place. You crossed the line.
How DARE you place blame on me having my child close to christmas, as if I had a choice in the matter? I had a 5% chance of even conceiving a child due to infertility, so we werent even expecting to have a child in the first place. You crossed the line.
It isn't a matter of ME putting blame anywhere! Your child just happenend to be born close to Christmas. YOUR child, which is not THEIR child. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say that MY parents did not plan on having their 9th child on Dec. 20th either! However, it is what it is. It is up to YOU to make her birthday special. It is not up to everyone else to see to it that her birthday is special. That responsibility is yours and yours alone. I happen to have two children who were born the same WEEK that school starts. I had the responsibility of seeing to it that their birthdays were special, in spite of having tons of school supplies and clothes to purchase....once they started to school. Not an easy task once all 4 of them were in school.
I am thrilled that you were able to have a child, especially with those odds! HOWEVER, don't be bitter and angry with your family for not making you and your child their top priority in the X-mas season. All you're going to do is make THEM bitter and resentful toward you....and consequently, your child!
It isn't a matter of ME putting blame anywhere! Your child just happenend to be born close to Christmas. YOUR child, which is not THEIR child. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say that MY parents did not plan on having their 9th child on Dec. 20th either! However, it is what it is. It is up to YOU to make her birthday special. It is not up to everyone else to see to it that her birthday is special. That responsibility is yours and yours alone.
You DID place the blame! (See i can use passive aggressive smileys too!)
You DID place the blame! (See i can use passive aggressive smileys too!)
I can't imagine, with the blessing you've received, why you would choose to be miserable and angry, when you have the anniversary of your beautiful blessing coming up. There is no blame. You are the one who is assigning blame to something truly precious. It is what it is...a date...which happens to be falling at a very busy time for people.
Okay, if you want me to assign some blame, here it is.... If your child has a miserable birthday or birthdays, because you're so busy being upset, depressed and bitter at everyone else, who is not making it THEIR priority....it will be ALL your fault! You have a choice...suck it up and get over it, put on the happy face, and bask in the glow of your miracle child, or make your child as miserable and bitter as you are!
I think what irritates me the most about the post is that it's a 1 year old child. What's wrong here is there is, once again, a lack of "empathy" going on. It can be pretty stressful, having so many people to think of getting presents for...what to buy, who to buy for, how to pay all of those pesky bills in ADDITION to getting Christmas presents for everyone you don't want to feel left out. To put the extra burden (emotionally/financially) on people, just because YOU had a child close to Christmas, is downright disrespectful. When your child gets older, it will be a bigger deal. Even now, with hubby and I, it's tough for our grown kids! They don't just have to think of what to get us for Christmas, they have our birthdays right before X-mas too. It's stretching THEIR budgets and imaginations, having to get us gifts for 2 occasions.
Like I said, as a child, it was a gyp. My parents were generally Christmas shopping on my birthday, and hell, didn't even remember that it WAS my birthday 99% of the time. There was no celebration or party. As long as you can keep it alive for your child, by having cake and presents that YOU bought, she/he will be happy. You may have to make a decision though...do you have your family give their X-mas gift to your child now?...or on X-mas? If you make a huge issue out of it, they may not buy anything. Don't cause family strife where there shouldn't be.
Addition: Having a child so close to Christmas is a fantastic opportunity for you. It gives you the chance to TEACH your child about empathy. To you and your child, their birthday is GOING to be a big event...or it should be. For others, who may have their own children, grandchildren and parents to think about at this time of year, you should NOT "expect" them to make YOUR child's birthday their priority.
Forgive me Mel, but this is a load of horse pucky. Wanting to be recognized in your family in the same ways as your cousins and siblings are recognized is not an exercise in lack of empathy.
I can't imagine, with the blessing you've received, why you would choose to be miserable and angry, when you have the anniversary of your beautiful blessing coming up. There is no blame. You are the one who is assigning blame to something truly precious. It is what it is...a date...which happens to be falling at a very busy time for people.
Okay, if you want me to assign some blame, here it is.... If your child has a miserable birthday or birthdays, because you're so busy being upset, depressed and bitter at everyone else, who is not making it THEIR priority....it will be ALL your fault! You have a choice...suck it up and get over it, put on the happy face, and bask in the glow of your miracle child, or make your child as miserable and bitter as you are!
I think you are crossing a line here too Mel. Sorry bud, it's how I see it.
She never said she was upset, depressed or bitter and I think you are really stretching it with these words. One is allowed to come here, post a thought or question and not have it twisted into The Biggest Issue in My Life EVER by other board-members.
I'm not sure what has raised your hackles IRT this thread but I believe you are being unnecessarily harsh on rezfreak. She is a mother that is concerned that her child will not be treated fairly by other family members. It is a valid concern. Children are very sensitive creatures. Of course, her child won't notice this year or maybe not the next two or three years. But it sets a precedence when it's ok to treat rezfreak's child as a burdensome event when other family members' birthdays are treated as joyous events.
Forgive me Mel, but this is a load of horse pucky. Wanting to be recognized in your family in the same ways as your cousins and siblings are recognized is not an exercise in lack of empathy.
Mags....it's a matter of taking into consideration the time of year...truly. This is the time to find peace, joy, happiness, not to be bitter at your family and carry that into a day that should be special for your child. Hell, I would have been thrilled just to have had my parents REMEMBER the day and remember to GIVE me one of my X-mas presents....much less, bake me a cake. Now that I'm a parent, I do understand more, but it was my parents who could have made it a special day....not grandparents, siblings, cousins, etc. Believe it or not, even as a young child, I understood how crazy busy it was at that time of year. Oh and FTR...you are entitled to your own opinions.
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I happen to have two children who were born the same WEEK that school starts. I had the responsibility of seeing to it that their birthdays were special, in spite of having tons of school supplies and clothes to purchase....once they started to school. Not an easy task once all 4 of them were in school. 
(See i can use passive aggressive smileys too!)
Oh and FTR...you are entitled to your own opinions.