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My point is that when something is supposedly bad (or in the case of smoking, DEFINITELY bad), no one should be doing it, including the employers/parents. Obviously, there are things that adults should be able to do and kids cannot.
Out of respect for the moderators, though, let's drag this back to the subject. While adults and teenagers alike are entitled to a little privacy, we contend that the reason we as parents monitor their behavior is out of concern for their safety. But we should also teach them the principle, not just demand the behavior. How? By leading as an example. Certain SPECIFIC behaviors shouldn't be practiced by either. If parents want their kids to be cautious of new people, they need to demonstrate caution as well.
My point is that when something is supposedly bad (or in the case of smoking, DEFINITELY bad), no one should be doing it, including the employers/parents. Obviously, there are things that adults should be able to do and kids cannot.
Out of respect for the moderators, though, let's drag this back to the subject. While adults and teenagers alike are entitled to a little privacy, we contend that the reason we as parents monitor their behavior is out of concern for their safety. But we should also teach them the principle, not just demand the behavior. How? By leading as an example. Certain SPECIFIC behaviors shouldn't be practiced by either. If parents want their kids to be cautious of new people, they need to demonstrate caution as well.
More often than not its taken overboard though and the snooping isn't limited to just a safety check but its done to pry into the life and find out things you wouldn't normally be told.
Lots of parents look at their kids facebooks and see swearing and get angry and punish them but is that really a battle you want to fight?
That's why I was saying how deep do you dig and what do you bring up and not bring up after you see it?
More often than not its taken overboard though and the snooping isn't limited to just a safety check but its done to pry into the life and find out things you wouldn't normally be told.
Lots of parents look at their kids facebooks and see swearing and get angry and punish them but is that really a battle you want to fight?
That's why I was saying how deep do you dig and what do you bring up and not bring up after you see it?
True. Some parents freak out easily. They're so protective that they forget to ask, "Where's the line?" And there most certainly should be one.
Depending on age, I probably wouldn't say anything about my son using a four-letter word. I'd pay more attention to the usage. "How tha **** are ya?", I can overlook. "Wanna ****?", I cannot. You make a good point, about choosing your battles. Burning your kids out on discipline is about as bad as not disciplining them at all, and the results can be very similar.
True. Some parents freak out easily. They're so protective that they forget to ask, "Where's the line?" And there most certainly should be one.
Depending on age, I probably wouldn't say anything about my son using a four-letter word. I'd pay more attention to the usage. "How tha **** are ya?", I can overlook. "Wanna ****?", I cannot. You make a good point, about choosing your battles. Burning your kids out on discipline is about as bad as not disciplining them at all, and the results can be very similar.
Exactly.
Its all about context.
But where is the line? If you are looking on their facebook and you see a status post and your child and friend are having a fight, do you say something?
If they swear on their facebook, do you say something?
Where exactly does the line sit?
beachmel, let's clarify something. Generally, the employer is the business, not necessarily the owner. I would agree it's not a big deal if the OWNER is doing it, but what I'm talking about is any other person who does the hiring and firing, from supervisor to manager. They're not by the laws of what is "right" any more entitled to taking care of personal business on company time; they're supposed to be working for the company same as me.
But I still say it's typically a BAD employer that obsesses over such things. I've had plenty of friends work in offices where they were permitted to email or chat, whatever. Giving your employees a few privileges is a great morale booster.
And yes, I agree with what you said in the last paragraph. But you didn't comment on whether or not parents should follow the same rules they set for their kids...
Ummm I believe I DID comment on this very same thing. You did read my entire post, right? Here, I copied and posted the last paragraph, just in case you missed it.
Now, let's bring this back around to protecting our children, so that we're not completely off topic here. We need to model, for our children, how to do the RIGHT thing. They need to know, that like a boss, we are going to occasionally check up on them, to make sure that they're not doing anything that's going to get them hurt or in trouble. Because clearly, like some adults out there, children can make some pretty poor choices. It doesn't matter if everyone else is doing it, if it's not right...it's not right!
I understand that you've got some serious opinions on raising them. Please do be aware, especially concerning your child cussing though, that those "ideas" quite often change. When you start sending your (now 16 month old child) to preschool or kindergarten, trust me, you'll think a whole lot differently, when it comes down to what IS and is NOT acceptable behavior.
If you're swearing around your little one, believe me, they're PARROTS, they'll pick it up. If they watch something on television...they'll pick it up! Anything you do not want your child to do?...you better be paying attention to what you're doing, because odds are, they're going to be doing it. You don't just protect your child from bad "influences" from the outside world, you darn sure better be protecting them from the ones right inside your 4 walls.
Again, you have a little bitty, 16 month old child in your home right now. All you really have experience with is protecting your child from "physical" harm, the kind they'll do to themselves. You really have no idea, the types of things you're going to have to protect him from....not yet. Rest assured, those dangers are going to pop up where you LEAST expect them to. It's your job to stay informed and keep them from all kinds of harm, even if it means occasionally "invading" his privacy. If you truly love your child with all of your heart...and want to protect him, you will.
But where is the line? If you are looking on their facebook and you see a status post and your child and friend are having a fight, do you say something?
If they swear on their facebook, do you say something?
Where exactly does the line sit?
I couldn't possibly draw a line per se, but I wouldn't say anything to them about either of those.
beachmel, thanks for the (vague as hell) advice. And I guess your reply to those specific examples I gave was vague enough for me to miss them as well. My apologies.
I couldn't possibly draw a line per se, but I wouldn't say anything to them about either of those.
beachmel, thanks for the (vague as hell) advice. And I guess your reply to those specific examples I gave was vague enough for me to miss them as well. My apologies.
Clearly you're a new enough parent to not understand the concept of "modeling" behaivor? FWIW...I guess, you're welcome. The longer you're a parent, the more you'll get it....especially when your little one starts talking. They learn by watching and copying. Even if you don't use profanity in your own home, if you're watching television programs where it's used, your child WILL use it. Shocking? Sure.... Reality? Yep! Just ask my daughter whose son, at the age of 2-1/2 yrs old, started wagging his head and saying b*tch! Does he hear it out of our mouths? Not EVER. She lives with me. We're together almost constantly. However, there WAS a reality tv program she was watching... One day, this gal was putting out some "attitude"...did her little head wagging business and said it EXACTLY the way that little guy was saying it. OMG! Reality check!
Clearly you're a new enough parent to not understand the concept of "modeling" behaivor? FWIW...I guess, you're welcome. The longer you're a parent, the more you'll get it....especially when your little one starts talking. They learn by watching and copying. Even if you don't use profanity in your own home, if you're watching television programs where it's used, your child WILL use it. Shocking? Sure.... Reality? Yep! Just ask my daughter whose son, at the age of 2-1/2 yrs old, started wagging his head and saying b*tch! Does he hear it out of our mouths? Not EVER. She lives with me. We're together almost constantly. However, there WAS a reality tv program she was watching... One day, this gal was putting out some "attitude"...did her little head wagging business and said it EXACTLY the way that little guy was saying it. OMG! Reality check!
Ohhh, so that was your point, that we shouldn't let our kids watch television programs that are a bad influence. Yeah, I already knew that.
But what's this paragraph about?
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel
I understand that you've got some serious opinions on raising them. Please do be aware, especially concerning your child cussing though, that those "ideas" quite often change. When you start sending your (now 16 month old child) to preschool or kindergarten, trust me, you'll think a whole lot differently, when it comes down to what IS and is NOT acceptable behavior.
What happens after they turn 18 and are still at home?
Do you still check?
Are you still friends with them on facebook, do you still check their page?
Do you go through their phone?
What if they payed for it? Would you still look though it?
Ohhh, so that was your point, that we shouldn't let our kids watch television programs that are a bad influence. Yeah, I already knew that.
But what's this paragraph about?
It isn't JUST about the television programs, it's about everything they see you do. I'll go a bit further though, it's about what you do...PERIOD! If you behave irresponsibly or "shamefully" anywhere, anytime, eventually your kids will find out about it. "Dude, my dad said that YOUR dad was so sh*tfaced drunk that he........" "Yeah, well, MY mom said that YOUR mom was the biggest wh*re in town!"
As for the paragraph in question.....here is what you said, "Quote: Depending on age, I probably wouldn't say anything about my son using a four-letter word. I'd pay more attention to the usage. "How tha **** are ya?", I can overlook. "Wanna ****?", I cannot."
Hence my comment about changing your views. F**ker, regardless of the context, is NEVER appropriate in school. No matter how it's used, it's likely to land him in the principals office.
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