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I would definitely talk to your pedictrician; just in case he is having trouble processing. That said, whatever your discipline is; you must be consistent! Decide what you want to do, time out chair, time in his room, or taking away privelages. Don't waiver, because if you do you will send mixed signals. You son won't know what you expect.
Poor baby. He sounds like me when I was a kid. If I started crying for any reason, I couldn't stop- not for hours sometimes. I COULD NOT STOP. I was as flummoxed as everyone around me. If I got upset I'd get hysterical. I wouldn't mean to, try to or want to but you'd have to pretty much slap me before I could get back in control of myself. I was like an open wound and everything hurt me enormously. It made for a miserable childhood. The worst is the people who thought you were doing it on purpose, to get your way. No one would make themselves that unhappy and exhausted intentionally. Life becomes one embarassing event after another, just a misery, where you feel isolated and alone. There was something wrong with me but it never got diagnosed (we didn't go to the doctor then, just to the emergency room). I outgrew it slowly and was much better by 16 (I also learned how to hold my tears until I was alone). Please have your little pumpkin checked out and make sure that he is not just as bewildered by himself as you are.
Poor baby. He sounds like me when I was a kid. If I started crying for any reason, I couldn't stop- not for hours sometimes. I COULD NOT STOP. I was as flummoxed as everyone around me. If I got upset I'd get hysterical. I wouldn't mean to, try to or want to but you'd have to pretty much slap me before I could get back in control of myself. I was like an open wound and everything hurt me enormously. It made for a miserable childhood. The worst is the people who thought you were doing it on purpose, to get your way. No one would make themselves that unhappy and exhausted intentionally. Life becomes one embarassing event after another, just a misery, where you feel isolated and alone. There was something wrong with me but it never got diagnosed (we didn't go to the doctor then, just to the emergency room). I outgrew it slowly and was much better by 16 (I also learned how to hold my tears until I was alone). Please have your little pumpkin checked out and make sure that he is not just as bewildered by himself as you are.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience with us. Even sometimes as adult, I get so fired up and start crying and screaming and can't stop. It happens to the best of us, yet alone tiny little things who do not know the world, do not know anything, only had been on this earth for 2 years!!! How can anyone try to work AGAINST THEM, not with them is beyond me. How can anyone think that punishments of various kinds will help them understand that we want the best for them, that they are loved and it's okay to cry and show your frustration??
I'm well aware of the "terrible twos" and "terrifying threes", went through it briefly with my older son, who is now 5. But my younger one, who is 2, has literally exhausted me. I have one horrifying tale after another of temper tantrums and fits he's thrown. The trigger is simple: when he is told no or can't do what he wants (which is unavoidable). I've given him time-outs, but he refuses to calm down. My boy will scream and cry so hard, his veins bulge in his neck. His daycare provider is a woman I really trust and admire, and she realized that letting him be doesn't resolve it, so she addresses it immediately. She gets better and quicker results than I do, because when I try that, he still refuses to calm down. I've spanked him, also, but again, nothing.
When he finally stops to breathe for a second, he'll come right into my arms, and finally start to calm down. Then I'll pat him and rub his back, because he's so distraught. He'll whimper and be upset, but silent. But his fits can last upto twenty minutes, if I try to ignore it. And anything can set him off again.
Parents, I am exhausted, and besides myself. I don't know what to do, do I just wait and let him outgrow it on his own? What else can I try? Time-outs worked really well for my older son, for this one, not at all. Nothing seems to work, hard or soft discipline.
Any advice, well-intended and seriously given, will be appreciated.
Well, one thing I learned is that one approach to discipline can work really well for one child and not at all for another. They're totally different when they emerge from womb. My two older children were pretty docile kids. My third? Well....My God.
Time outs might have worked for your first, but your second is evidently having none of it. Personally, I think the time-out concept only works for only children, because only children and firstborns think of themselves as adults-in-training, while kids further down in the birth order have a much greater awareness of their place in the pecking order.
So, I think the right approach is a swat on the rear end, followed by exile to his bed. He'll scream his fool head off the first time, and probably the second. But if you're consistent about it, he'll figure out that there's a new sheriff in town, and modify his behavior accordingly.
And, before the Indignation Brigade swoops in and starts yapping, "Why I would never spank a child, blahblahblahblahblah," I had the same mindset as well. But what your younger child is doing is embarking on a power struggle between you and him. And if you do not win right now, the next sixteen years of your life will be misery.
My son is two and his screaming fits are intense like your son but last fourty minutes to an hour. There is no stopping it and he makes himself sick and shakes with a "boo boo head" when its finally over. I am very concerned any advice you might have coming from your perspective is much appreciated. It seems like the doctors are not grasping the severity of our struggle.
I raised 4 kids and have 5 grandchildren, so trust me when I tell you, you will not always be exhausted and you will get through this.
You cannot let a 2 year old win. Ever. When you are tired and it is easier just to cave, try not to. Believe me, it is much easier to get the pecking order straight now than it will be when the child is a teenager who thinks he's in charge.
All kids are wired differently. As soon as you think you have the parenthood thing figured out along comes a kid who is a struggle. In our family, all the kids were fairly mellow, and the 4 grandsons too. Then the granddaughter came along. I don't think she stopped shrieking until she was about 6, and now at 16 she still is pretty demanding and her emotions are always on the surface. We stoic Swedes do not know where she came from, LOL.
Your best defense is to learn to read your son, and have respect for his emotions. You might need to adjust your ways of doing things so that you don't set him off needlessly. Maybe he needs more rest, or to eat more often. Maybe he's a kid you cannot squeeze in one more errand before nap, like you can with the older one, for example.
Hang in there.
I raised 4 kids and have 5 grandchildren, so trust me when I tell you, you will not always be exhausted and you will get through this.
You cannot let a 2 year old win. Ever. When you are tired and it is easier just to cave, try not to. Believe me, it is much easier to get the pecking order straight now than it will be when the child is a teenager who thinks he's in charge.
All kids are wired differently. As soon as you think you have the parenthood thing figured out along comes a kid who is a struggle. In our family, all the kids were fairly mellow, and the 4 grandsons too. Then the granddaughter came along. I don't think she stopped shrieking until she was about 6, and now at 16 she still is pretty demanding and her emotions are always on the surface. We stoic Swedes do not know where she came from, LOL.
Your best defense is to learn to read your son, and have respect for his emotions. You might need to adjust your ways of doing things so that you don't set him off needlessly. Maybe he needs more rest, or to eat more often. Maybe he's a kid you cannot squeeze in one more errand before nap, like you can with the older one, for example.
Hang in there.
But you also don't have to try to win with a two year old very often. I rarely do battle with a toddler, to me those are almost the best years -- toddlers are a lot of fun I think.
When two and three year olds are being difficult, I think the best thing for everyone is to just stop and get their shoes on and go outside for a few hours. Take the child for a long walk, explore the neighborhood, or take a long walk in the country, take them to a park and let them play. Find some cows and horses to pet. Let them help walk the dog.
Fresh air and physical activity can make a huge difference.
He feels safer having a meltdown with you than at daycare. He knows you will love him no matter what.
I don't have any big advice. My youngest was like this: frankly, at 13, we are just finally seeing her get some control over her behavior. She has always been moody and volatile. If what she wanted was acceptable to us, she would change her mind about what she wanted. She has been diagnosed with very mild ADD. Getting her to take meds on a regular basis was another battle so we gave that up.
I guess the point I'm making is sometimes it isn't really about the parenting techniques you use/don't use.
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