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Had first child, returned to both of our big, demanding jobs with little to no flexibility and hired our wonderful nanny (a nanny share actually). Happy enough with the balance for a while and certainly grateful to have the means to pay for our very nice home but after paying for childcare care and our mortgage, our 'big" salaries didn't really provide us much cushion or savings or vacations. Thought for a minute about moving to a cheaper area/home but then soon realized that meant not as good schools and realized that we could not replace just one piece of the puzzle to make the work/life balance feel right.
Had second child, returned to work and our respective big jobs... began paying a ridiculous amount for the childcare we needed for two kiddos (what some pay as their mortgage) and jobs became even more demanding for unrelated reasons. Two beautiful kids and no time to spend with them. For what? Had to change everything we quickly realized to get the balance we wanted.
After much research and consideration, moved away from where we'd been for 10 years, quite the jobs, sold the house... lef all our friends and support system, left them all behind so we could live in a place with a lower cost of living allowing for cheaper housing thus giving us the flexibility financially for one of us to stay at home with the kids. And here we are.
Worth it? Absolutely. Gave up a lot and sacrificed, big adjustment? You bet. Again, worth it 10 times over.
An aside: CHOP is wonderful. Really glad your kiddo is doing great now. I used to work for a top 10 children's hospital.
I stayed home with my son until he was 18 months old. We needed insurance and he needed more interaction with other adults/children. I went to work for an hourly job... fun but I missed my baby. After about seven months, I decided to work for my son's preschool. It took me a couple months to get the credentials needed and it was the best thing I ever did. I was able to 'be there' but not hover over him. The other teachers and myself created a nice little group. When he started school, I went to work for a friend's family owned business, where I am today. My son's father and I divorced so I had to support my son and myself alone. There were times it was tight but we got through. By working for a small, family owned business, there are benefits that aren't monetary. If I need off to go to this doctor's appt or that school play, it is not an issue. If my kid is sick, I can pull a cot into my office and keep him there if I can't be out of the office.
With the OP's wife as a teacher, she could easily find employment in an environment where she could take her daughter with her. I know... I know... it isn't prestigious and seems to be a step backward, but it can balance the needs in your family. For the OP himself, his options are as open as his experience/work skills. Just make sure you plan each phase of change. You don;t want to get caught without insurance or having to pay massive COBRA fees.
There are all kinds of ways to secure health insurance. Every major carrier has private plans available that are no where near as expensive as COBRA and if you move directly from a group plan to an individual plan, no issues with pre-existing conditions. Getting insurance is not a reason to keep a job personally since there are other options. Not having health insurance at all is just plain stupid though.
Other options not really mentioned is working opposite shifts if you need the money. It's a bit tricky but if you can do that, at least one parent is home most of the time. Otherwise, one parent can work a couple evenings/week and maybe one weekend day as a waitperson at a restaurant. If you work in a more expensive type restaurant, tips are very good. I had a friend that did that when her kids were small. She worked one weeknight and either Friday or Saturday night and averaged about $800/week working at Red Lobster. When the average bill is close to $100/table, it's pretty easy to do.
There are all kinds of ways to secure health insurance. Every major carrier has private plans available that are no where near as expensive as COBRA and if you move directly from a group plan to an individual plan, no issues with pre-existing conditions. Getting insurance is not a reason to keep a job personally since there are other options. Not having health insurance at all is just plain stupid though.
Other options not really mentioned is working opposite shifts if you need the money. It's a bit tricky but if you can do that, at least one parent is home most of the time. Otherwise, one parent can work a couple evenings/week and maybe one weekend day as a waitperson at a restaurant. If you work in a more expensive type restaurant, tips are very good. I had a friend that did that when her kids were small. She worked one weeknight and either Friday or Saturday night and averaged about $800/week working at Red Lobster. When the average bill is close to $100/table, it's pretty easy to do.
Group insurance paid for by an employer is way more affordable that going out on your own to buy it, especially when you'd be paying for it out of a single income. And a lot of people don't want to work evenings and weekends, they want to spend them with their spouse. Having one parent stay home is just not ALWAYS the best decision.
Group insurance paid for by an employer is way more affordable that going out on your own to buy it, especially when you'd be paying for it out of a single income. And a lot of people don't want to work evenings and weekends, they want to spend them with their spouse. Having one parent stay home is just not ALWAYS the best decision.
Actually in most cases it is not more expensive and comes in around what an employee normally pays for a group plan (assuming they pay about 50% of their group rate). Price it out sometime.
Actually in most cases it is not more expensive and comes in around what an employee normally pays for a group plan (assuming they pay about 50% of their group rate). Price it out sometime.
For the same coverage? I doubt it. Group health insurance wouldn't be considered a benefit of employment if anyone could go out and get the same thing.
A work/family balance is the holy grail of parenthood, and I'm not sure you ever find it. For us, we both had careers that we wanted to continue along with parenthood. We had no intentions of staying home, and planned out (as best we could) when we'd have kids. We chose to settle in a semi-affordable area (Austin), and have enjoyed all the challenges and successes in parenthood. Nothing is perfect- we had to make some last minute adjustments here and there- would have wanted more time and more money- but in the end we have 3 smart, happy, well adjusted kids. I will say that the older kids get, the more expensive...college, cars, insurance, graduate school. My best advice is that there is NO perfect solution- what worked for one doesn't work for all.
There are all kinds of ways to secure health insurance. Every major carrier has private plans available that are no where near as expensive as COBRA and if you move directly from a group plan to an individual plan, no issues with pre-existing conditions. Getting insurance is not a reason to keep a job personally since there are other options. Not having health insurance at all is just plain stupid though.
This is just plain false. Maybe it works that way for 30 yr olds, but not for those closer to 50. We pay $1000.00/month for pretty much catastrophic coverage. Insurance was not a reason for my husband to keep working, but it is in no way as affordable as a good company plan is.
This is just plain false. Maybe it works that way for 30 yr olds, but not for those closer to 50. We pay $1000.00/month for pretty much catastrophic coverage. Insurance was not a reason for my husband to keep working, but it is in no way as affordable as a good company plan is.
When we had a private insurance plan, we paid $558/month for 5 of us. That was for 3 office visits/year paid at 100% plus all preventative care paid at 100%, then a $5000 deductible, then 100% coverage after that. Our group plan now is $569/month (our portion) with 100% preventative care, $25 co-pay for office visits, $6000/out of pocket max.
This is just plain false. Maybe it works that way for 30 yr olds, but not for those closer to 50. We pay $1000.00/month for pretty much catastrophic coverage. Insurance was not a reason for my husband to keep working, but it is in no way as affordable as a good company plan is.
I just ran a quote online for your area, got plans as low as $325/month for a similar plan I posted above--3 covered office visits/year, $5000 deductible, then 30% co-insurance to $8000 for 2 52 year old people (one male, one female). This was a plan through BC/BS.
OP - generally, people do what's best at the time, since your child's and your own demands change with time, as well as circumstances that are beyond your control.
Generally, infants and toddlers need someone with them around the clock, for physical needs. 2+ see a start of some lessons, like swimming with parents. 3-5 - the parents start thinking more about mental and physical development of a child (reading books, learning alphabet, toddler soccer, ballet, preschool). Elementary school sometimes poses questions like "Does this school really satisfy us?" and more development - languages, art, tennis, horse riding, what have you. If the second child enters the picture, then you have to respond to a combination of these developmental stages.
By the time your kids are in upper elementary or so, and you are firmly out of the early childhood, many parents WISH they had a government job. The gov't jobs are too boring for the younger set, but by 40s-50s as you and your kids get older, you start valuing the predictability of hours and benefits. Just look at the previous exchange on insurance in the private sector. Adding that on top of classes, homework, lessons, sports, math tutors, hospital visits, your own aging parents - you will be wondering why in the world you quit your gov't job to start with.
I am not sure why your hours are long, just doesn't sound like any 9-5 go't job, but is there an opportunity to branch out into another department/position? And your childless co-workers pretty soon (within 5-10 years) will start having families and kids of their own. Throwing a good job away for the sake of 5-10 years (at 5-10 your daughter will need more expenses for developmental classes, and you won't want to be in a position of scrambling to keep a roof above your head) seems silly.
Last edited by nuala; 01-08-2012 at 09:21 AM..
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