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Every generation worries about these darn kids today, usually not stopping to remember that their grandparents' generation thought that generation was bringing the apocalypse. They just grew up and got older and forgot. I think the current batch of hand-wringing comes from watching too many Brady Bunch and Leave It to Beaver reruns.
Here is why - because parents try to be friends with their children.
parents make excuses for and reward bad behavior
parents do not want to say "NO"
parents do not discipline.
Families do not practice traditions - holiday, eating together,
vacations, that sort of thing.
Everyone has a TV and a computer in their room - no family
time.
Remember chores? My kids do. Every day! That's how
Saturdays start and if chores are not remembered, there are
consequences.
This is a recipe for spoiled children. The poster is correct - rotten kids and teens do not magically turn into kind, responsible, adults. It doesn't work that way.
Most important - PARENTING DOES NOT END WHEN YOUR ELDEST CHILD TURNS 12! I think THAT is when the hard stuff begins!
This has hit on many excellent points
The parents on this board would do well to study this list
And you are spot on- after 12 the real work begins
And it pertains, too. I know men who treat their moms that way, & it's not cool.
Wow, AC you are wise beyond your years Good points
I'm gonnabe the greatest Daddy known to mankind
Oh wait, I first need an innocent chick to accept my lousy bum for a goody two shoes, home depot DH - "Honey, also don't forget olive oil and fat-free yogurt. I love you"
This is a meaningless little phrase that is thrown around on this forum.
Surely, you can't think that parents who are concerned about their future relationship with their children are all bad parents?
Hold on a second, what is it that I said which invoked your wrath
Mine was a carefully constructed, wholesomely true assertion (even for Goldilocks and the three bears ). A parent is a parent. A parent is NOT a friend. Of course, in adulthood, when the son or daughter is over 20.
Oh wait, I first need an innocent chick to accept my lousy bum for a goody two shoes, home depot DH - "Honey, don't forget olive oil and fat-free yogurt. I love you"
lol, you're ahead of most men in the awareness of how to parent, so yes I see you being an awesome daddy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka
Hold on a second, what is it that I said which invoked your wrath
Mine was a carefully constructed, wholesomely true assertion (even for Goldilocks and the three bears ). A parent is a parent. A parent is NOT a friend. Of course, in adulthood, when the son or daughter is over 20.
I was wondering about that comment as well.... Maybe she's one of the parents who thinks it's fine to be friends w/ the kids. It will backfire, I guarantee it
Here is why - because parents try to be friends with their children.
parents make excuses for and reward bad behavior
parents do not want to say "NO"
parents do not discipline.
Families do not practice traditions - holiday, eating together,
vacations, that sort of thing.
Everyone has a TV and a computer in their room - no family
time.
Remember chores? My kids do. Every day! That's how
Saturdays start and if chores are not remembered, there are
consequences.
This is a recipe for spoiled children. The poster is correct - rotten kids and teens do not magically turn into kind, responsible, adults. It doesn't work that way.
Most important - PARENTING DOES NOT END WHEN YOUR ELDEST CHILD TURNS 12! I think THAT is when the hard stuff begins!
This very post gets bandied about ad infinitum around here. Where are the gazillions of parents that are doing this? Neither my own children, nor any of their friends live in a world where these things happen. I really want to know, where does this actually happen?
IMO, this is the weakest and lamest argument used in these kinds of debates. I don't know how old you are, but my parents are in their late 60's and early 70's. They can fondly remember the outrage of their parents over Elvis' hips or the Beatles music, or kids dancing on TV to American Bandstand. Not to mention my mothers grandfathers outrage over "colored people" being shown on TV dancing alongside white people.
How about for kids being outcasts...Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons with their smash 1964 hit Rag Doll. All about a girl from the wrong side of the tracks that everyone treated like crap, but the singer was in love with her, but his parents said she was bad news.
How about Johnny Cash with his early 70's smash hits Folsom Prison Blues and Sunday Morning Coming Down? Some of the choice lyrics, "I shot a man just to watch him die" and "the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad so I had one for dessert...Lord, I wish I was stoned".
I'm 28 Goat, if that makes a difference. Yeah I heard the same thing about how my grandmother thought Elvis was bad etc. Theres still a big difference in what he was saying vs what they are saying now.
Music influences behavior BIG TIME. Or at least I'll speak for myself. If I listen to calm happy music, I'll be happy. If I listen to Hardcore I'll get edgy, and if I listen to any sort of sad or emo music, I'll soon get sad. Theres a reason before sports begin people listen to harder and violent music, it plays on peoples emotion and mood.
So when you have people listening to music about how life sucks and people are being screwed over by significant others (go ahead and listen to Alkaline Trio), or about stealing the coke and shooting someone (go ahead and listen to Ghostface Killah - Three bricks), it steers someone in a different direction. These are just two references off the top of my head. This isn't on only level the same as any songs you mentioned. This is about being sad and taking pills or stealing, murdering, and drugs.
I'm old enough to not let this influence me much, but when I was younger, either of these bands could send me in a direction of no good, and I'm not the only one.
I was wondering about that comment as well....Maybe she's one of the parents who thinks it's fine to be friends w/ the kids. It will backfire, I guarantee it
She's not. The way I read mommabear's comment is that the general population lamenting the problems with kids today tends to land on generalizations and platitudes such as "parents want to be friends with their kids and not parents." This is fine as an opinion, but strikes me as a gross over-generalization at best (and trust me, my kids hear no from us plenty). As Zimbo mentioned in response to another post, I have not seen this parenting style among any parent I know, which makes me wonder, where are all these permissive, friends-with-their-kids parents? I'm sure there are some out there; IMO, there has been "poor parenting" and "good parenting" for as long as there have been parents.
This is a meaningless little phrase that is thrown around on this forum.
Surely, you can't think that parents who are concerned about their future relationship with their children are all bad parents?
I agree.
What does it mean when a parent is behaving like a friend? Does that mean that the child may do whatever she wants to a friend without consequences? That is not friendship. That is disrespect. That is the opposite of friendship, the opposite of relationship.
My friends don't let me do whatever I want to them or in their homes.
When a parent allows a child to do whatever the child wants, it means that the parent doesn't have an idea what respect means or how to put up boundaries. The child may learn that being allowed to do whatever is what respect means.
They may attract friends who agree and bring those friends home. Those friends are then able to do whatever they want in the home of a family who don't know about boundaries. So while the child is thinking, "yeah, I can do whatever I want," what is also happening is that the child is allowing others to do whatever they want to the child.
I know a parent personally that this happened to and she grew up in a home where the parents were strict, spanked and said the whole "I am not your friend. I am your mom."
Sorry, but I don't let my friends do whatever they want and they don't let me do whatever I want.
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Good points
