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I think certain personality traits make some people better suited for this than others. And women generally have those traits more often than men. When we talked about having a baby my husband and I agreed that one of us would stay home. Because of our jobs and different circumstances I am the stay at home parent - he would honestly have been willing though. But now that we're here in the thick of it he would NOT be happy being home with our son. I think when he's older it will be great if we switch. But he does not have the patience to do this. He would also just not be out doing the things I do with him.
My son has been sick this week and we have not left the house at all. And I cannot believe how often I have cleaned up the same mess. And I don't understand how there are drips of milk all over even though he hasn't even dropped the d.!n cup. And the books off the shelf - ARG! I cannot wait to get out of the house again!
I think it depends on the people. I think in general, women are more nurturing, but not always. In our family, I think my husband would make a great SAHD. Too bad he has more earning power than I do, or I'd trade him without hesitation. He's the patient one here.
My neighbor is a SAHD and he is incredible at it! He cooks , cleans and is there at every football,lacrosse game that their sons are in. He seems to have it down better than many mom's I know..
It's not any easier for women than it is for men. There have been times when I was frantic to get away from wiping butts and stuffing faces and just have a normal adult conversation for five minutes. I've felt trapped, I've felt taken advantage of, I've wished I somehow fought harder to keep my right to keep working...
One thing that will help you is to find an activity to take up that involves motion...cycling, jogging, do something where you get out of the house and get to move fast. Make sure the working spouse knows that's your exercise and they're responsible for babysitting while you do it. Edit: I just noticed you're on disability, if that prevents that kind of exercise, find a hobby that takes you out of the house sometimes.
Also, take days off when your spouse has them. Let the housework go to hell, order takeout, let the kids skip a day or two of baths (unless they're in school or old enough to take their own showers haha). Just relax. You work hard all the time, nobody is going to give you a day off unless you take one. I've never heard my husband suggest that I should have a day to rest, even when I'm sick he's acting like I spend all of my days taking it easy. I was actually happy when I broke my leg and had some time off, after that I realized that I was going to have to stand up for myself and limit how much I was willing to do all the time, to keep from feeling so overworked and resenting my husband for working 8 hours a day and sleeping 10 hours, filling in the gaps between with eating, watching TV and wanting sex, while I was busy with the kids at least 16 hours a day, 7 days a week.
One thing that helps with the having to pick up after the kids all the time is to limit the mess. Get storage tubs and sort the toys into them. Put the tubs out of the kids reach. Let them check out one tub at a time. That way everything that needs picked up has a definite and simple place to go. It limits creativity a little bit, but it's worth it for your sanity.
oh ho ho, if my father had pulled that my mother would have clocked him in the face. When you come home from work its time to split the kiddy care.I remember reading a thing once about a lady who complained her hubby did the same, and always complained about how she was home all day having a vacation. yada yada yada. So she took her mother on a 2 week vacation leaving old dad to fend for himself. It seems he had a vision when she was away, and changed his song.
This may be generational. I think older people still think that women are more nurturing and multitasking. It totally depends on the person, not the gender.
This may be generational. I think older people still think that women are more nurturing and multitasking. It totally depends on the person, not the gender.
I don't see it as a nurturing issue vs and organizational issue. Plenty of men are nurturing and a lot of women have no maternal skills at all. I just think in general that women are more able to multitask which is essential to being a SAH parent. When our kids were little they probably would have had more FUN if Dad was home, but if he got caught up in doing something he would (and did) forget to give them lunch.
This may be generational. I think older people still think that women are more nurturing and multitasking. It totally depends on the person, not the gender.
Actually, differences in our brians make women better at multi tasking. Women have millions more connections between the hemispheres of the brain. I've never read that there was any reason we'd be better at nurture other than how we're raised.
I think there are dads who would make wonderful stay at home parents. It's about the person, not the gender, IMO. There are some women who are not cut out to stay home. They would go nuts, and there are men who would thrive.
I think there are dads who would make wonderful stay at home parents. It's about the person, not the gender, IMO. There are some women who are not cut out to stay home. They would go nuts, and there are men who would thrive.
Absolutely! I know a fabulous SAHD who is quite driven and take his job as seriously as if he were the CEO of a large corporation. Dinner on the table; a very popular volunteer at the kids' school. HE is the one who generally likes to be around all kids (hence the volunteering).
She makes the money and is quite good at that.
Whatever works.
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