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Unless she has dementia or something like that, she does not get a pass on this just because she is old. Sit her down and tell her what you told us. Let her know that you won't put up with it any more.
I can see my mom becoming this way as she ages. She is very critical, but she has good qualities too. I hope this isn't the one that comes out as she loses her filter.
Overly critical parents have a positive effect only until age 21 or so, which is the norm.
Once the metamorphosis to being a full blown adult is complete, any further criticism must enter one ear and leave the other. Is that hard to achieve? How can you let someone criticize you unless you yourself aren't secure that something is going right?
If adults criticize me, I'm always like..... okay, fair opinion, one chocolate chip cookie, two senior pancakes, sugar free syrup pour vous, praise the Lord, now get the F out I still love you Pappy/Mommy <muah>
Overly critical parents have a positive effect only until age 21 or so, which is the norm.
I don't think so. Being overly critical is bound to do more harm than good no matter what age you are, hence the word "overly" in the first place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Currency Pair Crocodile
Once the metamorphosis to being a full blown adult is complete, any further criticism must enter one ear and leave the other. Is that hard to achieve? How can you let someone criticize you unless you yourself aren't secure that something is going right?
I disagree with this also. It's implying that being a full-grown adult means you are perfect and have no need for further improvement. I think we should all listen to people's criticism, except in cases like these where the person is being OVERLY critical (here, we can only take the OP's word for it that the criticism is uncalled for). It's just another route to learning. And not learning means being less effective. I think most "bad parents", for example, are people who shut out criticism of their parenting on the grounds that "It's my kid. I'll do what I want!"
Lastly, I think it speaks of more insecurity to reject criticism. If you are really so sure that what you're doing is right, you should be able to explain it to someone with little effort. Who knows, you might in turn educate THEM and make the world a better place. Why would someone fear criticism unless they're worried they'll have some flaw in their thinking exposed?
I don't think so. Being overly critical is bound to do more harm than good no matter what age you are, hence the word "overly" in the first place.
I disagree with this also. It's implying that being a full-grown adult means you are perfect and have no need for further improvement. I think we should all listen to people's criticism, except in cases like these where the person is being OVERLY critical (here, we can only take the OP's word for it that the criticism is uncalled for). It's just another route to learning. And not learning means being less effective. I think most "bad parents", for example, are people who shut out criticism of their parenting on the grounds that "It's my kid. I'll do what I want!"
Lastly, I think it speaks of more insecurity to reject criticism. If you are really so sure that what you're doing is right, you should be able to explain it to someone with little effort. Who knows, you might in turn educate THEM and make the world a better place. Why would someone fear criticism unless they're worried they'll have some flaw in their thinking exposed?
Success in life depends on how thick your skin is in preventing people from getting under it. That's pretty much about it.
You continue to let people under your skin, even parents, you have a long, worrisome life ahead, like the OP. My Mom or late Dad never did anything of that sort after I became an out-of-the-house adult. If they were to, it would be validated for intrinsic value and if there is no intrinsic value and it's just blunt, meaningless criticism, it enters one ear and leaves the other. I'm not gonna sit and worry about it
I'm not suggesting that we put up with people who are going too far in their criticism. But a little of it here or there can only help us, if we are rational-minded about it. True that parents should ease up on the criticism when their kids move out of the house. But actually, I think they should start easing up beforehand so it's a smooth transition from being told almost everything to having to do it all on your own.
Either way, what should be said and how depends on what's being done and why.
If a parent is only spewing critical comments, stemming from low self-esteem, then they are leaving out the "love" part of the equation.
Regardless of whether you're a kid or a grown-*ss man, it is wrong.
Kids who don't understand the problem grow up to question their own emotions and without knowing how to love unconditionally.
Adults who do understand the problem miss out on a loving relationship with their parents, and live with only a shallow, surface relationship supposedly letting comments go "in one ear and out the other." It's not really a relationship at all. I wouldn't want a marriage like that.
Of course, sometimes your family is not the one you're born into, but the one you choose. If you're an adult, that is.
Overly critical parents have a positive effect only until age 21 or so, which is the norm.
Once the metamorphosis to being a full blown adult is complete, any further criticism must enter one ear and leave the other. Is that hard to achieve? How can you let someone criticize you unless you yourself aren't secure that something is going right?
If adults criticize me, I'm always like..... okay, fair opinion, one chocolate chip cookie, two senior pancakes, sugar free syrup pour vous, praise the Lord, now get the F out I still love you Pappy/Mommy <muah>
For some yes. Some people have thick skin others don't tat's just the way it is. Some people also have strong guilt complexes. If you had good parents who sacrificed a lot to raise you then it's hard to just tune them out one day.
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She is very critical, but she has good qualities too. I hope this isn't the one that comes out as she loses her filter.
I still love you Pappy/Mommy <muah>
