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I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer but only to share a piece of my reality. I've been there done that. Even if you have a spouse that doesn't help - IF said spouse is working and everything does NOT rely on one person and one income - life is a bit easier.
When YOU are the sole provider AND the sole parent - life can get hard. It's best to know this before one gets started.
Every bill that gets paid - YOU will pay. Every walk that gets shoveled - YOU will shovel. Every kid that gets sick - YOU will take to the doctor; YOU will do all the grocery shopping; YOU will handle all of the car trouble; when the child gets sick, YOU will miss work; when the child has a school program - YOU will miss work. When school is called off for whatever reason - YOU will miss work or YOU will arrange childcare. YOU will work all day and then YOU will help with homework; projects and YOU will transport or arrange transportation (no easy feat) to and from all after school activities.
You see where I'm going with this. I'm not saying don't do it - just go in with your eyes wide open. It's hard and unless you have been a single parent - you have no idea of how hard it is.
Would I trade it? Nope. Nor would I enter into it lightly.
Reps to you, Ringo. This is the kind of mom every son wants. Mine is one such one.
For some reason, I thought you were a man. Reminded me of Ringo Starr Why don't we do it on the rooooaaad
Reps to you, Ringo. This is the kind of mom every son wants. Mine is one such one.
For some reason, I thought you were a man. Reminded me of Ringo Starr Why don't we do it on the rooooaaad
Thanks Crocodile - everyone thinks I'm a guy with my screen name. Actually, Ringo is my dog's name and I started out on CD on the pet forum . .
Anyooo, thanks for the nice comment. I love my boy and I am so proud of the man he is becoming.
And it makes all the hard years worth it but they were hard; it feels like I've walked through fire AND walls in order to keep a good job; keep my boy in a nice house in a nice neighborhood; keep him active in school and sports; and carve out some kind of life for myself. Every hard job or promotion I took - I kept in mind - this is what give me the ability to provide for my son the way I want to provide. This allows him to go to a good school; this job gives me flexibility so I can spend time at school . . . that was my mantra to keep myself going.
How about getting the full package - the sperm doner...along with the sperm maker - there might be a brain and personality attatched to the male - but you might even grow to love him...give it a try.
Truthfully, I have absolutely no interest in becoming a single mom. I want this:[/url]
You need a yenta.
Seriously. If you have no interest in being a single mom then DO NOT DO IT. You will be forever unhappy. (Stop and think for a moment of the effect this has on a child.)
Concentrate on dating. Ask around. Join an online service. Find some nice yenta (matchmaker) who has a nephew who would be perfect for you. Forget the yearning desire to be pregnant and give birth and concentrate on the husband first.
There's no shame in asking for a few introductions and letting your friends know you are available for serious dating. Many of us are here because someone said to our parents, "Have I got a girl (or guy) for you!"
Thanks Crocodile - everyone thinks I'm a guy with my screen name. Actually, Ringo is my dog's name and I started out on CD on the pet forum . .
Anyooo, thanks for the nice comment. I love my boy and I am so proud of the man he is becoming.
And it makes all the hard years worth it but they were hard; it feels like I've walked through fire AND walls in order to keep a good job; keep my boy in a nice house in a nice neighborhood; keep him active in school and sports; and carve out some kind of life for myself. Every hard job or promotion I took - I kept in mind - this is what give me the ability to provide for my son the way I want to provide. This allows him to go to a good school; this job gives me flexibility so I can spend time at school . . . that was my mantra to keep myself going.
I have heard my mother tell me that ALL the time.
I ask her how why she decided to quit her job and focus on us. Why she decided to put up with my Dad who can be a total a$$. Why she decided to put up with in-laws. Why she sacrificed so much of her life, her dreams and her everything. Pretty much the same logic. To provide everything she could at her expense, like a candle which melts away. That's the height of human sacrifice and it can come only from a mother.
Here's to hoping other others take a leaf out of your book or already are doing it in their own way. I'm sure they are.
Why is everyone fixating on the sperm donor/single mother part..... is a woman incapable of finding a stable guy in her 30s?
No, but there can be tremendous pressure not to waste time. A woman in her 30s who wants a child before she is 40 is not going to want to fool around with a man for a couple of years and then find out that he's not really ready to settle down and isn't sure he wants a kid yet, if ever. That's a valid opinion for a guy to have, and every man has feelings, so nobody wants to be a "waste of time." But some women have the mindset that they just can't take the time to play around with men who aren't serious. I set up a friend of mine with an ex because they seemed to have similar interests, and they wound up dating for four years. He wanted kids, though, and he didn't think he did. She'd tell me, "If I want to have a kid by 40, I have to be pregnant at 39, married by 38, engaged by 37, dating by 36 ..." She'd stress herself out. And I know that the two of them cared for one another, but they wanted different things. They broke up a few years back, and now she's married with a baby.
It's not impossible, but the pressure and stress is real.
No, but there can be tremendous pressure not to waste time. A woman in her 30s who wants a child before she is 40 is not going to want to fool around with a man for a couple of years and then find out that he's not really ready to settle down and isn't sure he wants a kid yet, if ever. That's a valid opinion for a guy to have, and every man has feelings, so nobody wants to be a "waste of time." But some women have the mindset that they just can't take the time to play around with men who aren't serious. I set up a friend of mine with an ex because they seemed to have similar interests, and they wound up dating for four years. He wanted kids, though, and he didn't think he did. She'd tell me, "If I want to have a kid by 40, I have to be pregnant at 39, married by 38, engaged by 37, dating by 36 ..." She'd stress herself out. And I know that the two of them cared for one another, but they wanted different things. They broke up a few years back, and now she's married with a baby.
It's not impossible, but the pressure and stress is real.
I run into yuppies all the time, men who keep bitching about not finding the one to have a family. What are you all talking about
There has to be other issues in the background
Debt
Age limit
Baggage
Drama
Body weight (my favourite )
Looks department
Ethnicity
I run into yuppies all the time, men who keep bitching about not finding the one to have a family. What are you all talking about
There has to be other issues in the background
Debt
Age limit
Baggage
Drama
Body weight (my favourite )
Looks department
Ethnicity
That's a discussion for the Relationships forum, not Parenting.
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