Is 5 too young to be excluding classmates from party? (6 yr old, student, high school)
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But why Kibb? If you do care, why not talk to someone in the group and let them know that you'd like to join them next time. Let them know that you'd love to know when they're planning another outing, because you'd (they) love to join them? I guess I'm just a proactive person, one who comes right out and says something. If I want to be a part of something, I say so. If I don't, I don't say anything.
But why Kibb? If you do care, why not talk to someone in the group and let them know that you'd like to join them next time. Let them know that you'd love to know when they're planning another outing, because you'd (they) love to join them? I guess I'm just a proactive person, one who comes right out and says something. If I want to be a part of something, I say so. If I don't, I don't say anything.
It could be construed as rude to invite yourself. It is always nice to be thought of, to be invited. Even if it is something you don't really want to do, it is nice to be thought of. A simple "that sounds like fun" would be fine, I think. Maybe that would let the person know you'd like to have been included. That doesn't change the fact that they didn't invite you in the first place, and they are now talking freely about it in front of you. I'm just saying, I know where Katiana is coming from.
ETA say you have a group of people you have coffee with weekly (coworkers, friends, whatever), and you find out that all of them went to dinner and a movie over the weekend without inviting you. Would that really not hurt your feelings? Or is is the fact that it was coworkers that you may or may not get along with outside of work that makes the other scenario different.
When it comes to kids, it's not that I really want to buy another gift and drive my kids to another party. If my kid isn't invited, I wonder why not. Does this kid not like him? Why not? Why is he being left out?
It could be construed as rude to invite yourself. It is always nice to be thought of, to be invited. Even if it is something you don't really want to do, it is nice to be thought of. A simple "that sounds like fun" would be fine, I think. Maybe that would let the person know you'd like to have been included. That doesn't change the fact that they didn't invite you in the first place, and they are now talking freely about it in front of you. I'm just saying, I know where Katiana is coming from.
ETA say you have a group of people you have coffee with weekly (coworkers, friends, whatever), and you find out that all of them went to dinner and a movie over the weekend without inviting you. Would that really not hurt your feelings? Or is is the fact that it was coworkers that you may or may not get along with outside of work that makes the other scenario different.
When it comes to kids, it's not that I really want to buy another gift and drive my kids to another party. If my kid isn't invited, I wonder why not. Does this kid not like him? Why not? Why is he being left out?
Okay, yes, I do understand what you're saying here. If I had been having coffee, regularly, on a weekly basis with my co-workers and all of a sudden, found out that they'd purposely excluded me from a dinner get-together, yeah...I'd probably we wondering why they excluded me.
Being the kind of person that I am, I would come right out and ask if I'd done something to offend them. Of course, if I didn't particularly care for them, that would make all the difference in the world. I'd most likely be thinking, "Phew! I'm so glad they didn't ask!"
On my kids...I'm with you though. I'm a whole lot more sensitive when it comes to my kids, than I am myself. Honestly though, my kids were always pretty selective on who they wanted to hang out with. They never knuckled under the peer pressure and in fact, flat out said they didn't want to go to a few parties they were invited to, simply because they didn't like how those kids treated others. Even if a kid was really nice to my kid, but was mean to others, my child didn't want to socialize with them outside of school. They were always really sensitive that way.
Okay, yes, I do understand what you're saying here. If I had been having coffee, regularly, on a weekly basis with my co-workers and all of a sudden, found out that they'd purposely excluded me from a dinner get-together, yeah...I'd probably we wondering why they excluded me.
Being the kind of person that I am, I would come right out and ask if I'd done something to offend them. Of course, if I didn't particularly care for them, that would make all the difference in the world. I'd most likely be thinking, "Phew! I'm so glad they didn't ask!"
On my kids...I'm with you though. I'm a whole lot more sensitive when it comes to my kids, than I am myself. Honestly though, my kids were always pretty selective on who they wanted to hang out with. They never knuckled under the peer pressure and in fact, flat out said they didn't want to go to a few parties they were invited to, simply because they didn't like how those kids treated others. Even if a kid was really nice to my kid, but was mean to others, my child didn't want to socialize with them outside of school. They were always really sensitive that way.
What a good quality to have! I can see my 8 yo doing that.
When it comes to kids, it's not that I really want to buy another gift and drive my kids to another party. If my kid isn't invited, I wonder why not. Does this kid not like him? Why not? Why is he being left out?
I would simply assume that my kid and their kid weren't friends and leave it at that.
How fast do kids really get over it? There are some very descriptive examples here from adults who were hurtfully snubbed as children. I agree it's good to do your own thing but do you not see a difference between inviting (a)your 5 close friends and (b)every girl in your class - 1?
No clear answer, they come in all types. Also, citing those in this thread as an example does not prove anything either way. It is not a scientific survey to prove anything. I am sure I can cite others that may say they got over it.
If a child is hurt, it is up to the parent to handle it. Now, I do not see a problem if a parent talks to the parent of the other child and let her know how it hurt feelings. It could be a missundertanding. However, it is the parent who can help his/her child to learn how to handle situations when he or she is socially ignored in cases like this one. My children were ignored at times but I did make it an issue. I simply sat down with my girls and explained how different people handle things and at times with no ill intent. There were times that they want to the classmate and told them about it and ended up being an oversight. At times it was not but my girls were trained by I and my wife to handle adversity.
Of course it is a difference. I never claimed otherwise. I am aware that children could be hurt. OK, that will happen and that is what makes it different. Maybe I was not clear enough. I am simply wanted to say that when my kids faced that situation, I explained how to handle it and the right for others to ignore them if that is what they want. They learned to realize they are not like by everybody in life. I do not mean to be rude but very often parents make such a whinny issue on situations like this. My wife and I concentrated on teaching our kids how to handle those situations, rather. Take care.
And yet another example of the continued "softening" of America. Good point! That is my main focus. We have become a culture of victims and getting offended for so many issues. We are not creating more and more laws against getting offended. To me we have just become a nation with a lot of wimpy and whinny citizens.
Whatever happened to the days when you could invite whomever you felt like inviting to your party? A child (and parent) should be able to invite whomever they want to a birthday party. Especially one that takes place in a private home. This invite everyone in the class BS is just that BS IMO. No one gets along with everyone in class its just the way it is in the real world. The only thing policies like this create is ultimately you will be required to invite "everyone" you work with as an adult to your party, or special occasion, or face possible legal action, or termination from employment. Laugh now, but think about it right now you have to be careful about what you tweet, or post on facebook, as people are facing all kinds of consequences for voicing their opinions or thoughts outside of work or school. We have already begun to slide down that slippery slope. In the future its only going to be much worse.
Agreed. However, I do not think we are going to convince many anymore. We have become a nation of victims and getting offended is not accepted anymore. Take care
Never feel obligated to invite all the kids.
Privately, maybe via email or something, send out invitations to the kids parents.
When I have kids, I will ask my child who they want to come and those people will be invited, I am not going to invite an entire class of 30 5 year olds that I have to pay to feed and give party favors to and watch and keep in control.
If someone doesn't like it then they can use it like a learning opportunity that life isn't fair and that other people don't have to be forced to like everyone.
Even if you did invite the entire class, only half a dozen or so will show up. Been there, done that too many times.
I would simply assume that my kid and their kid weren't friends and leave it at that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
Exactly!
Well, yes, in many circumstances. In other circumstances, maybe you thought they were friends, and not being invited causes you to wonder (or causes your child to wonder). I guess it depends on the circumstances and the people involved.
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