Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-22-2012, 04:14 PM
 
Location: Hyrule
8,390 posts, read 11,554,752 times
Reputation: 7544

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
That is a common, my kids were the same way. It is almost OCD. It is not a pathology though, until it actually starts to affect functioning.

That is why they have those plates with the dividers. My husband was the same way, even when we were married, the meat could not touch the veggies, or the potatoes...quirky.
My husband is the same, my son as well. They survive, they grow, I'm good with that as well. Quirky is pretty normal in this world. lol
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-22-2012, 04:30 PM
 
Location: Hyrule
8,390 posts, read 11,554,752 times
Reputation: 7544
I don't think he needs therapy, it's a pretty common childhood act, in my opinion, to not want food touching, or unfamiliar foods. A lot of kids refuse foods, have a small amount they feel comfortable with. They don't trust the unknown, it's a natural instinct. We override it as adults and I'm sure he will one day as well.
I also don't think it's a huge power struggle or war with you. I don't think you're loosing it either. Maybe he's just trying out his independence, it's about time for that as well and it's normal. Trying his independence out with dinner is a pretty controllable environment to do that in. It's relatively safe and he can feel more grown up and take a little bit of charge with his own meals. Baby steps in independence are normal as well.
Here is a nice article:
Why is my child such a fussy eater?
It has some nice, gentle advice for all those who have picky eaters. It's not that big of a deal.

Last edited by PoppySead; 02-22-2012 at 05:17 PM.. Reason: typo
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-22-2012, 04:49 PM
 
20,793 posts, read 61,114,274 times
Reputation: 10691
Quote:
Originally Posted by operaphantom2003 View Post
Here's how our dinner time usually goes:

Me: Would you like to help me cook dinner tonight?
Him: No
Me: Okay
(I now cook dinner)
Me: Come get your step stool...its dinner time
(he didn't like eating at the table so he eats on a step stool. His decision not mine but not worth the fight. He has great table manners when we eat out)
Him: Ugh...Gross! This isn't what I wanted.
Me: Oh well. This is dinner, and you like (blank).
Him: Fine, but I'm not eating anything else!
Me: That's fine. You know the rules. Taste everything on the plate and you get dessert.
Him: There I ate. What's for dessert? (bear in mind he ate one food item only)
Me: Did you taste everything?
Him: No. Where's my dessert!
(You can guess where this is going)
Me: No taste...no dessert. Rules haven't changed in the past 2 years.
Him: Fine. (he takes 1 bite of everything else on the plate minus veggies)
Me: Okay. You can have a granola bar or "special milkshake" for dessert. (his special milkshake is an instant breakfast in ice cream.)
Why are you trying to reason with a 7 year old, you will always lose. Make dinner, serve dinner, talk about something other than food. If he wants to rush to dessert, stop serving dessert. He can have his special milkshake before he goes to bed at night but diner is diner and eat what is there or go hungry until the next meal. Trust me, he WILL eat more. You are giving him the choice to be a "picky" eater by allowing this above conversation. I know you don't want to hear this but it is what it is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-22-2012, 04:57 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,051,772 times
Reputation: 32726
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
This might be doable if there was not already an entrenched power struggle. But in my opinions, at this juncture, this is a big mistake. Put the plate down. Here's dinner. DONE.
I wrote this before I read subsequent posts from the OP, like the one with the conversation. I'm not sure what in my suggestion is a "big mistake" though. After reading more of the thread, I think there needs to be much less conversation about eating, and no granola bars or cereal after 2 bites of dinner.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-22-2012, 05:01 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,051,772 times
Reputation: 32726
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
You let him talk to you that way??!!?? With nothing but...


Ugh. Put the plate down and BE QUIET. No eat everything on your plate. No dessert discussions. As a matter of fact, dessert can take a total hiatus from your house for the forseeable future. It has become a bribery tool.

This is dinner, eat it or don't. NO MORE TALKING.



You are fixating. This is classic power struggle. One you desperately want to win. You won't. Don't fight. Get out of the game.
this. As I was advised once "you don't have to go to every dance you're invited to." i.e. my son was inviting me into arguments. I needed to refuse to engage him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-22-2012, 05:02 PM
 
14,294 posts, read 13,134,116 times
Reputation: 17797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I wrote this before I read subsequent posts from the OP, like the one with the conversation. I'm not sure what in my suggestion is a "big mistake" though.
*Requiring* any eating - the two bites... Not that I think that such a mild rule is a bad idea, in general. In THIS case, the struggle is entrenched. Less is way more. Take the fight out of the dog by taking the dog out of the fight.
Quote:
After reading more of the thread, I think there needs to be much less conversation about eating, and no granola bars or cereal after 2 bites of dinner.
Amen to that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-22-2012, 05:15 PM
Status: "Mistress of finance and foods." (set 24 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
50,061 posts, read 63,416,388 times
Reputation: 92634
My advice is to make him food that is nutritious that he likes, and leave him alone. Do not let on that you care in the slightest whether he eats it or not. Most children are picky eaters.
A mistake would be to start dancing around to accomodate him and running a short order restaurant on his behalf.
From the way you describe it, he eats quite a variety of things, so just quit obsessing about it.
I always had an eat it, or go hungry policy, and my kids were good eaters, with the exception of a few things they did not like, which I respected.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-22-2012, 05:45 PM
 
1,759 posts, read 2,022,213 times
Reputation: 950
Quote:
Originally Posted by golfgal View Post
Make dinner, serve dinner, talk about something other than food.
Very important point! Please take note, OP!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-23-2012, 06:43 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,632,754 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
*Requiring* any eating - the two bites... Not that I think that such a mild rule is a bad idea, in general. In THIS case, the struggle is entrenched. Less is way more. Take the fight out of the dog by taking the dog out of the fight.
Amen to that.
I agree. No more required tasting. He has his whole life to try foods. It only maintains the power struggle.

As has been said, serve dinner and move on. No more "If this, then that" games.

If you refuse to play, the game ends.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-23-2012, 06:45 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,632,754 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Sorry, but you are in a power struggle with him and he's winning. He's also found a way to get you to focus on what he wants.

You've given into him and let him eat on his step stool.

You let him have his special milkshake. (Why should he eat dinner when he's going to get a shake with ice cream in it? NO kid is going to pick rhubarb over ice cream.)

He's walking all over you and one way he's doing it is by saying, "Nope. Not gonna eat." (Because he knows you WANT him to eat.)

He comes out and shows you his ribs? Because he knows you don't like it. So he wins again.

Put out his dinner, on the table, and ignore him. He's getting a TON of attention because you are cajoling him. He gets attention when you take him to the doctor and the therapist and the nutritionist.

Dinner conversation should be:

"Here you go. Supper. Eat up because that's all there is."

(The food not touching and all of that isn't connected. Plenty of hearty eaters out there who don't like their food to touch.)

Sorry. He's walking all over you, bossing you around AND getting you to pay attention to him as an extra added bonus. The GOOD news is you can change this.
THIS is the core of the problem.

Some kids realize (even subconsciously) that negative attention is still attention, and that's ok with him. Picky eating has become "his thing." My son did the exact same types of things. As I said, he survived and I would say is even thriving.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top