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Lately my daughter, who has always been somewhat strong willed, has been rude, abrupt and demanding. If she is corrected foe ANYTHING she seems to have two strategies - to argue back and proclaim her point of view, or to dissolve into tears. (in what seems to be an attempt to redirect the conversation)
Her brother has been getting more attention as of late, because he is going away to college next year, and we have been visiting schools, he has also beem taking entrance exams and other pre-college oriented activities that could be construed as "attention." She seems to have next to ZERO tolerance for this. Additionally, my son is involved in his first serious relationship with a girl.
Last week we traveled to the western part of the state on Friday night to have dinner with our son's girlfriend and her family in celebration of her 18th Birthday. Our daughter came along. Our original goal was to drive there and to drive back that evening. However, during that time it began to snow, and we made the judgement call that we should spend the night and leave early the next day due to the inclement weather.
She was thrown into a surely mood over this because she was afraid that she might miss a game. She is a Cheerleader. We told her that we'd made this decision, and we did not want to risk our collective lives over a game.
The next morning she set about making everyone miserable by rushing us, calling out the time, and in general, acting as though she was in charge. When she was told to cut it out she finally blurted out "WE made this WHOLE TRIP for (brother's name) We don't do anything for ME!" The second part of the allegation is PATENTLY UNTRUE!
She got to the game on time BTW, but we were not going to rush because of it.
I make a special effort to try to do things with and for her. For example, I wanted to give her a sweet 16, but her interest in this, something special that a mom can give a daughter, has been luke warm. Finally she said once that she would rather "just get the money" When I told her that was never going to happen, she sulked off into another room.
She is always abrupt, especially towards me
She does not want to do her chores and resents when asked.
She argues with me EVERY SUNDAY about Church attendance.
She uses the "F" word constantly. ( or Friken, which I think is almost as bad)
She gives her opinion when it is not solicited nor is appropriate.
She thinks of times when I might be distracted to ask me permission to do things, for example have a friend sleep over when she hasn't cleaned.
She is generally surly.
If I ask her to hand me something, the will throw or toss it. - I am sure you get the picture,
She was this way as a toddler and a young child, but firm and consistent discipline, I had thought had ridden her of these head stong and bratty ways. Now they are back.
She has always to an almost insane extent, wanted what her brother has. When he was 12 he was very interested in skateboarding. We went to a sporting goods store and she through a mini tantrum demanding a skate board too! My husband broke down and bought her a $300 skate board that she never used. I totally disagreed with it. He tends to give in to these things with her. Respect is important to me in a home. He knows this, but still lets her get away with things that I never would.
I am affectionate and loving to her. I tel her how proud I am of her academic work, and I complement her frequently. I mean these things. But it's as though she just can't get enough attention, material things
We have had power struggles over the years about clothes - she has an insatiable appetite for expensive name brand clothes. I dress well, but everything I wear does not need to have a label on it. She has also always wanted to wear clothes that I deem to tight, too short or two revealing.
She also has difficulty being generous towards others. Our boy is not at all perfect. Some of these things are teen things, but the extreme nature of them and the inability to think of others and generally selfish attitude is not one that I can accept.
I tend to want to agree with txtqueen on this on. I was the same way as a teen. I ended up a perfectly acceptable adult and am dreading the teenage years. But you do need to impart in her the importance of respect and disrespect will not be tolerated and will be ignored. As for the rest, just wait it out.
Boys are different than girls. She is going to be moody and snarky for a few more years but dont let her be blatantly disrespectful, it creates a bad precedent.
I pretty much agree, she sounds pretty normal to me and the fact that she is a cheerleader means she pulls decent grades and knows how to accomplish goals. She might be a strong willed teenager now but that will serve you well when she goes off to college, on her own. Sounds like you have rules, I'm sure there is a million things to deny her if she doesn't follow them. She will like you again after she is in her mid twenties.
She could be unmotivated, smoking pot, pregnant and laying on your couch all day. You seem pretty fortunate to me. I'd just rant when you can, stick to your guns and be proud of the things you can, skip the rest. Doesn't sound worth a huge power struggle to me. She doesn't seem violent, just motivated. Her motivation isn't likely to be geared toward what you want, just what she wants. It will pass. Rude and the f word are very teenagery, just tell her not to use it when talking around you. If she doesn't it sounds like you have plenty of amo to enforce it. I can't give you advice to making it all disappear, lol, that won't happen for a couple more years as everyone has stated above. She's hormonal.
I'd handle it by picking your battles, serious things, and letting off steam to your husband or friends. That way you can be fresh for another day.
Last edited by PoppySead; 02-29-2012 at 05:23 PM..
Boys are different than girls. She is going to be moody and snarky for a few more years but dont let her be blatantly disrespectful, it creates a bad precedent.
You've got that right! lol I have two teenage girls..........!!!
Hormones will take them from sweet mellow girls to animals in a day. lol
Sometimes the wind blows in their direction and they start bawling.
I always tell them I understand the hormones but my job is to teach them to control themselves despite them so that they don't end up in jail one day. lol Kidding of course but learning to control yourself during those times is a must to avoid future conflicts with bf's, gf's, teachers, well, just about anyone.
On that dark day of the year when we all three hit the same cycle my husband and son go fishing.
I don't have a teenager yet, but I think some of the same strategies you have to use when your kids are little you may need to reuse when they hit that age. When you have a whining five year old, you tell them, "I'm not listening to you until you can talk normally," and you don't give them what they want until they do. A foul mouthed teenager, same thing. When you give a gift, and they complain about it, you take it back let them know they will get nothing then. Most kids that age tend to think the world revolves around them, not to say that is acceptable, but she'll probably grow out of it, with a few firm reminders.
Lately my daughter, who has always been somewhat strong willed, has been rude, abrupt and demanding. If she is corrected foe ANYTHING she seems to have two strategies - to argue back and proclaim her point of view, or to dissolve into tears. (in what seems to be an attempt to redirect the conversation)
Her brother has been getting more attention as of late, because he is going away to college next year, and we have been visiting schools, he has also beem taking entrance exams and other pre-college oriented activities that could be construed as "attention." She seems to have next to ZERO tolerance for this. Additionally, my son is involved in his first serious relationship with a girl.
Last week we traveled to the western part of the state on Friday night to have dinner with our son's girlfriend and her family in celebration of her 18th Birthday. Our daughter came along. Our original goal was to drive there and to drive back that evening. However, during that time it began to snow, and we made the judgement call that we should spend the night and leave early the next day due to the inclement weather.
She was thrown into a surely mood over this because she was afraid that she might miss a game. She is a Cheerleader. We told her that we'd made this decision, and we did not want to risk our collective lives over a game.
The next morning she set about making everyone miserable by rushing us, calling out the time, and in general, acting as though she was in charge. When she was told to cut it out she finally blurted out "WE made this WHOLE TRIP for (brother's name) We don't do anything for ME!" The second part of the allegation is PATENTLY UNTRUE!
She got to the game on time BTW, but we were not going to rush because of it.
I make a special effort to try to do things with and for her. For example, I wanted to give her a sweet 16, but her interest in this, something special that a mom can give a daughter, has been luke warm. Finally she said once that she would rather "just get the money" When I told her that was never going to happen, she sulked off into another room.
She is always abrupt, especially towards me
She does not want to do her chores and resents when asked.
She argues with me EVERY SUNDAY about Church attendance.
She uses the "F" word constantly. ( or Friken, which I think is almost as bad)
She gives her opinion when it is not solicited nor is appropriate.
She thinks of times when I might be distracted to ask me permission to do things, for example have a friend sleep over when she hasn't cleaned.
She is generally surly.
If I ask her to hand me something, the will throw or toss it. - I am sure you get the picture,
She was this way as a toddler and a young child, but firm and consistent discipline, I had thought had ridden her of these head stong and bratty ways. Now they are back.
She has always to an almost insane extent, wanted what her brother has. When he was 12 he was very interested in skateboarding. We went to a sporting goods store and she through a mini tantrum demanding a skate board too! My husband broke down and bought her a $300 skate board that she never used. I totally disagreed with it. He tends to give in to these things with her. Respect is important to me in a home. He knows this, but still lets her get away with things that I never would.
I am affectionate and loving to her. I tel her how proud I am of her academic work, and I complement her frequently. I mean these things. But it's as though she just can't get enough attention, material things
We have had power struggles over the years about clothes - she has an insatiable appetite for expensive name brand clothes. I dress well, but everything I wear does not need to have a label on it. She has also always wanted to wear clothes that I deem to tight, too short or two revealing.
She also has difficulty being generous towards others. Our boy is not at all perfect. Some of these things are teen things, but the extreme nature of them and the inability to think of others and generally selfish attitude is not one that I can accept.
Any advice would be appreciated.
I have no magic advice, just a hug from the mom of a 15-year-old. A few years back, I called my mom and apologized for what I put her through. I don't think I had a bratty attitude, but maybe 15-year-olds don't all realize it. I can't tell you, "Oh, I never did anything wrong, and here's how my parents made sure of that," so I got nothing. Just sympathy.
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