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I was debating about their role in my past and putting me where I am at right now.
I think what people are trying to tell you is that you can acknowledge the challenges/adversity that has had cause and effect with the situation you find yourself in now, there's nothing wrong with that, but then what? What's your next move? How do you get yourself into a different situation so you aren't having this same debate with yourself next year? Noticing the impact the past has had on your present is different from dwelling on it and letting it continue to hold you back.
I was debating about their role in my past and putting me where I am at right now.
Dude back in 2010 I was working retail, NO CAR, my mom took me to work, WHEN SHE FELT LIKE IT.
I got the job in June of 2010, previously not having a job before then for awhile.
Then WITH NO MONEY, NO CAR, NO SAVINGS, I up and moved out and took a live in nanny gig in September of 2010.
Attended college part-time, worked retail 35 hours a week and was a live in nanny.
I nannied from 7am-1pm, had from 1pm to 3pm to shower/study to whatever. Then from 3-4:45(i had to leave class 15 minutes early) I had classes. Then from 5-11 I had work at my retail job. All with no car.
That was M-Th.
Friday I had off from nannying but I had to be in class at 9am on fridays, then went to work from 2-11 on friday.
My weekday hours at the retail job varied but I ALWAYS worked the weekends. Saturday I worked 2-11 and sunday I worked 10am-6:30pm.
I didn't have a car till November of 2010.
Lost the nannying gig on New Years. (Crooked people.)
And had to move back in with my mom.
I haven't been able to get back out since.
I had pretty much nothing when I first left.
I am the biggest whinest, most excuse making pain in the ass on this forum and if I was able to get out once and make it work for a bit so can you.....
I was debating about their role in my past and putting me where I am at right now.
Okay, rebelling successfully means standing firm not just one time, but consistently, every time. Also, you don't have to be disrespectful no matter how frustrating your parents are. You just have to be firm.
OMG, you guys have NO IDEA how foreign families work. If they say no, you better believe your a** it is a no. And how the heck do you expect me to move out on my own when I had been forcefully sheltered MY WHOLE LIFE. I can't do it, don't have the means for it.
The way they threaten, manipulate, and do all sorts of things to you the day you are born does carry over. You people need to take some basic psychology courses. I just wasted my time.
My life is in my hands? get out of here with that BS, sure I will try to make the best out of it but you people are just unrealistic, snobby, and disconnected. Again, your mentality became that parents are right and such.
I never asked for this, I never asked for them to do any of this, I wanted to be out on my own BUT HOW MANY FREAKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU IT IS NOT EASY WHEN YOU COME FROM A RESTRICTIVE FAMILY WHICH HAS TRAUMATIZED YOU AND SABOTAGED YOU DAY FREAKING 1!!!!!!!!!!
I think my parents paid you guys to somehow consult me when the reality is yes they were bad parents. It is what it is. I had a bad family, results showed. Now I am trying to improve my life but look how long thats gonna take.
I give up.
Out of here, you guys need exposure.
We don't need to know how foriegn families work. We're telling you what YOU can do to fix this. You do not have to do as your parents say. You can man up and pay your own bills. The only way you have to do what your parents say is if you want them to continue paying the bills, which I suspect is your problem. You want to do things your way and be treated like an adult while you act like a child and accept them paying your way. I'm sorry but it looks like you have to pick one and then accept the down side along with the up side for whichever one you picked.
Good luck.
And quit whining about how long it's going to take to fix this. You are so much better off than so many out there. My parents didn't believe in college for girls. I was 25 before I could afford to go on my own. So what? I did it. Sure it would have been nice to have had my parents pay my way. It would have been nice to have gone to college at 18 but none of that matters because it wasn't one of my choices. You have some choices to make. Either accept, graciously, what your family offers or don't . Your choice. I'm sure it will be difficult walking away from your parents paying your way but if you value your freedom more than you value them supporting you, that's what you'll do. If you value them supporting you more, well, you're stuck where you are and have no one to thank for that but yourself for accepting it. Decide which you value and then go with it.
I want to hear your experiences and stories, maybe the one I am about to tell is not so bad.
Before I go off on a rant about my parents. I will say that they have provided me food, shelter, in some cases have encouraged me (though such cases are rare), and that is about it.
My little brother for the past 5 days has had nothing but fast food to eat after school. From Tuesday to Thursday it was Burger King, yesterday it was a Chinese Buffet, and today it was Dunkin Donuts. He is 5 years younger than me, about to go to high school, and he weights the same I do despite being a lot shorter than I am. His grades are good so that is all they really care about.
He stays up till 1 or 2 AM in the morning on weekends playing videogames, he plays videogames for about 9-10 hours a day, and they do not care. As an older brother, I try to get him to stop and not do such things, result? They yell at me and start a fight with me.
As a child I was a victim of their bad parenting too. What could have been an Ivy League fit kid ended up being a kid who is at a local university. I was overweight, significantly, but I ended up losing a lot of weight after I told them to get lost and back off. They tried to force me and urge me to eat at buffets too but I learned to turn them down.
Right now I am a kid who lives at home (out by the end of this year), have gotten into various arguments with them which have ended up disasters, have a low GPA because they forced me to major in something I had no interest in and when I tried to fight them over it they yelled constantly and I lacked the backbone to stand up to them.
I am 19 right now. A lot of my future has been ruined because my parents strict yet incompetent parenting. They really messed a lot of things up. Talking to them has ended up a disaster so I am typing up things on word to let them know what they did wrong but I do not even know if that will work but it seems unlikely. How can these people be this way and why did I have to be born to them......
You tell you story!!
Suck it up and take some personal responsibility going forward.
and to all who say, well your GPA is your responsibility
1. When you are studying something you have NO INTEREST IN, you will fail, period, even if you study a lot. And science is really one of those subjects.
2. I had no choice, I literally didn't. They MADE ME stay at home for college. And do not pull the BS saying "oh but you are 18, you didn't have to!", OH PLEASE, when you get sheltered heavily and are not even allowed to have a job, how are you gonna go to college? starve on the streets and attend classes?
3. They checked my emails in college, in one case they yelled at me for staying late at the library to study for a test.
WHAT DO ANY of you know. Seriously.
Once you turn 18 years old you cannot be FORCED to do anything against your will legally. So, quit whining, grow up already and move out.
OMG, you guys have NO IDEA how foreign families work. If they say no, you better believe your a** it is a no. And how the heck do you expect me to move out on my own when I had been forcefully sheltered MY WHOLE LIFE. I can't do it, don't have the means for it.
The way they threaten, manipulate, and do all sorts of things to you the day you are born does carry over. You people need to take some basic psychology courses. I just wasted my time.
My life is in my hands? get out of here with that BS, sure I will try to make the best out of it but you people are just unrealistic, snobby, and disconnected. Again, your mentality became that parents are right and such.
I never asked for this, I never asked for them to do any of this, I wanted to be out on my own BUT HOW MANY FREAKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU IT IS NOT EASY WHEN YOU COME FROM A RESTRICTIVE FAMILY WHICH HAS TRAUMATIZED YOU AND SABOTAGED YOU DAY FREAKING 1!!!!!!!!!!
I think my parents paid you guys to somehow consult me when the reality is yes they were bad parents. It is what it is. I had a bad family, results showed. Now I am trying to improve my life but look how long thats gonna take.
I give up.
Out of here, you guys need exposure.
I most definitely know how foreign families work but nothing prevents you from Americanizing and getting independent.
Your restrictive parents may have kept you off drugs, away from alcohol, gave you a curfew so you didn't get involved with gangs and crimes and you can at least thank them for that.
And they brought you to the USA where they have only themselves to blame if you adapt some American traits and get out and make a life for yourself.
See -- you still really cannot blame them. Their foreigness is just one influence on you, but the American life around you is another influence. You can choose the rugged American individualistic way if you want to.
OMG, you guys have NO IDEA how foreign families work. If they say no, you better believe your a** it is a no. And how the heck do you expect me to move out on my own when I had been forcefully sheltered MY WHOLE LIFE. I can't do it, don't have the means for it.
Of course you can. You are CHOOSING not to. Hell, if it was really that bad you would go live in a homeless shelter and start out from there. But it isnt that bad. So you are just whining.
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The way they threaten, manipulate, and do all sorts of things to you the day you are born does carry over. You people need to take some basic psychology courses. I just wasted my time.
You need to meet some people who were actually abused and learn to be grateful for what you do have. I know someone who was sexually abused for most of her life. She moved out from her foster family when she was 17 and learned the hard way how to take care of herself. First lesson YOU are the only one who can change your life.
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My life is in my hands? get out of here with that BS, sure I will try to make the best out of it but you people are just unrealistic, snobby, and disconnected. Again, your mentality became that parents are right and such.
I think you may actually have a serious mental health issue. Disagree with you, and pointing out the FACT that you are now an adult and have the ability to change your situation does not make any of us "unrealistic,snobby and disconnected". No one said it would be easy, but it is certainly possible.
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I never asked for this, I never asked for them to do any of this, I wanted to be out on my own BUT HOW MANY FREAKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU IT IS NOT EASY WHEN YOU COME FROM A RESTRICTIVE FAMILY WHICH HAS TRAUMATIZED YOU AND SABOTAGED YOU DAY FREAKING 1!!!!!!!!!!
I think my parents paid you guys to somehow consult me when the reality is yes they were bad parents. It is what it is. I had a bad family, results showed. Now I am trying to improve my life but look how long thats gonna take.
I most definitely know how foreign families work but nothing prevents you from Americanizing and getting independent.
Your restrictive parents may have kept you off drugs, away from alcohol, gave you a curfew so you didn't get involved with gangs and crimes and you can at least thank them for that.
And they brought you to the USA where they have only themselves to blame if you adapt some American traits and get out and make a life for yourself.
See -- you still really cannot blame them. Their foreigness is just one influence on you, but the American life around you is another influence. You can choose the rugged American individualistic way if you want to.
You have the right idea.
But not all parents have that reasoning.
Some parents are restrictive because they believe no matter what teenagers shouldn't be trusted, that given the chance they'll screw up and do something bad.
These same parents seem like they don't even know their child, there is no close connection, no bond, little to no emotion between them. It almost seems like it is a very business relationship.
These same parents are strict because they don't trust, they over generalize and stereotype.
I think the OP's parents are those kind of parents.
I don't think they were strict because they solely wanted the best for him, they were strict because they don't trust, they think teens no matter what will do something stupid and no matter how good their teen is and no matter how well they know their teen they still have as much trust for them as a stranger.
Watch the episode of wife swap where the one family has two daughters and they cameras in the girls bedrooms, they call every number on the phone bill that comes in and out from the line, etc. See the total emotional disconnect between parent and child.
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