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Of course you can. You are CHOOSING not to. Hell, if it was really that bad you would go live in a homeless shelter and start out from there. But it isnt that bad. So you are just whining.
You need to meet some people who were actually abused and learn to be grateful for what you do have. I know someone who was sexually abused for most of her life. She moved out from her foster family when she was 17 and learned the hard way how to take care of herself. First lesson YOU are the only one who can change your life.
I think you may actually have a serious mental health issue. Disagree with you, and pointing out the FACT that you are now an adult and have the ability to change your situation does not make any of us "unrealistic,snobby and disconnected". No one said it would be easy, but it is certainly possible.
Yup now you are paranoid.
I am going to use the money to build myself a pool but this pool will have an underwater play place, with an underwater ball pit.
You have the right idea.
But not all parents have that reasoning.
Some parents are restrictive because they believe no matter what teenagers shouldn't be trusted, that given the chance they'll screw up and do something bad.
These same parents seem like they don't even know their child, there is no close connection, no bond, little to no emotion between them. It almost seems like it is a very business relationship.
These same parents are strict because they don't trust, they over generalize and stereotype.
I think the OP's parents are those kind of parents.
I don't think they were strict because they solely wanted the best for him, they were strict because they don't trust, they think teens no matter what will do something stupid and no matter how good their teen is and no matter how well they know their teen they still have as much trust for them as a stranger.
Watch the episode of wife swap where the one family has two daughters and they cameras in the girls bedrooms, they call every number on the phone bill that comes in and out from the line, etc. See the total emotional disconnect between parent and child.
Or....perhaps these parents were once teenagers and know that the reason teenagers are not considered adults is they tend to make dumb choices that can haunt them the rest of their lives.
Seriously, looking back on my teen years, I kind of wish my parents had protected me from myself. I didn't get into drugs or gangs but I didn't take school as seriously as I should have and I made some bad choices. It is very possible these parents are protecting their child from that.
I don't know the OP's nationality but I know that there are marked differences in many cultures. For example, when I worked with Asian engineers, Jr engineers did not speak up in front of senior engineers. It was considered disrespectful. Each new generation of engineers was expected to do their time listening before they offered anything. That's not all bad. I wonder how many product liability lawsuits we could have prevented if we had some respect for experience?
Or....perhaps these parents were once teenagers and know that the reason teenagers are not considered adults is they tend to make dumb choices that can haunt them the rest of their lives.
Seriously, looking back on my teen years, I kind of wish my parents had protected me from myself. I didn't get into drugs or gangs but I didn't take school as seriously as I should have and I made some bad choices. It is very possible these parents are protecting their child from that.
I don't know the OP's nationality but I know that there are marked differences in many cultures. For example, when I worked with Asian engineers, Jr engineers did not speak up in front of senior engineers. It was considered disrespectful. Each new generation of engineers was expected to do their time listening before they offered anything. That's not all bad. I wonder how many product liability lawsuits we could have prevented if we had some respect for experience?
But look at some parents they talk to their kids like they don't even know them, like they might talk to someone else's kids or something.
Some parents are very business with their kids and from the outside looking in the way they conduct themselves towards their children it looks so impersonal and distant.
You have the right idea.
But not all parents have that reasoning.
Some parents are restrictive because they believe no matter what teenagers shouldn't be trusted, that given the chance they'll screw up and do something bad.
These same parents seem like they don't even know their child, there is no close connection, no bond, little to no emotion between them. It almost seems like it is a very business relationship.
These same parents are strict because they don't trust, they over generalize and stereotype.
I think the OP's parents are those kind of parents.
I don't think they were strict because they solely wanted the best for him, they were strict because they don't trust, they think teens no matter what will do something stupid and no matter how good their teen is and no matter how well they know their teen they still have as much trust for them as a stranger.
Watch the episode of wife swap where the one family has two daughters and they cameras in the girls bedrooms, they call every number on the phone bill that comes in and out from the line, etc. See the total emotional disconnect between parent and child.
Yes -- but it's one thing for a 15 or 16 year old to complain but another for an adult to complain.
I complained when I was a kid -- kids like to do that. I remember being 16 and telling my dad I couldn't wait until I was 18 so I could leave home. He asked me why I didn't just leave home then and I informed him that I couldn't legally leave until I was 18 and so he told me he wouldn't report me to the authorities if I left, he even had the audacity to tell me he would help me pack.
Maybe foreign parents don't remind their kids where the door is. My dad had a good habit of reminding us we could leave and so we always knew if we didn't like it or like the rules that we were free to go.
OMG, you guys have NO IDEA how foreign families work. If they say no, you better believe your a** it is a no. And how the heck do you expect me to move out on my own when I had been forcefully sheltered MY WHOLE LIFE. I can't do it, don't have the means for it.
The way they threaten, manipulate, and do all sorts of things to you the day you are born does carry over. You people need to take some basic psychology courses. I just wasted my time.
My life is in my hands? get out of here with that BS, sure I will try to make the best out of it but you people are just unrealistic, snobby, and disconnected. Again, your mentality became that parents are right and such.
I never asked for this, I never asked for them to do any of this, I wanted to be out on my own BUT HOW MANY FREAKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU IT IS NOT EASY WHEN YOU COME FROM A RESTRICTIVE FAMILY WHICH HAS TRAUMATIZED YOU AND SABOTAGED YOU DAY FREAKING 1!!!!!!!!!!
I think my parents paid you guys to somehow consult me when the reality is yes they were bad parents. It is what it is. I had a bad family, results showed. Now I am trying to improve my life but look how long thats gonna take.
I give up.
Out of here, you guys need exposure.
This is one of the most interesting threads I have read in a while. If I dare read between the lines, I think you are feeling afraid and paralyzed to make any moves in your life (or separate yourself from the family), but you are showing us only anger and frustration. I hope you know that many people came from overprotective, smothering families. It's harder for them to break free, but they can do it. Why not? If you are what they call, "stuck" then you need to take yourself into your college counseling office tomorrow and ask to speak with a counselor. They will help you to feel unstuck. Every college has free counseling so go for it. They might even have a group for you to join. Once you start focusing on getting stronger and braver and more confident you will have less rage towards your parents. I'm not sure what exactly they did, but telling you what to major in is pretty awful. A counselor can help you learn to speak up and talk to your parents like an adult. No one should decide what you should major in. I can see them saying we will pay if you major in something that can lead to a job, but you choose, but to be that specific? Weird. Good luck and get help while it's free.
1. Common knowledge, major in something you do not want, get a low grade.
2. No car, no means of transportation, no way to work my own schedule = lower grades
I mean seriously, I had no choice. See you guys suffer from the just world fallacy, you think EVERYTHING that happened was my fault. You can't fight a boxing match with both hands tied behind your back, that is unrealistic.
When you go to a ghetto high school and have a bad family life on top of that, college admissions becomes hell.
I HAD a crappy life. I HAD bad parents. Yet I stand. You guys want to make them out to be saints and make me into lucifer, go for it. I am out!
How was your life crappy other than being controlled and smothered? When you are a sophmore and declare a major you might have a couple Chem classes at most initially. Why don't you kick ass in your other subjects?
I don't think anyone here thinks your parents are saints. We don't know them. I wish you gave us more information. You say your brother is fat. Do you come from a culture that sees fat as a sign of well-being and prosperity? Would you describe yourself as depressed or angry right now? Were you bullied in your "bad" school? I am just throwing out some random questions that comes to mind after reading the above post.
Or....perhaps these parents were once teenagers and know that the reason teenagers are not considered adults is they tend to make dumb choices that can haunt them the rest of their lives.
Seriously, looking back on my teen years, I kind of wish my parents had protected me from myself. I didn't get into drugs or gangs but I didn't take school as seriously as I should have and I made some bad choices. It is very possible these parents are protecting their child from that.
I don't know the OP's nationality but I know that there are marked differences in many cultures. For example, when I worked with Asian engineers, Jr engineers did not speak up in front of senior engineers. It was considered disrespectful. Each new generation of engineers was expected to do their time listening before they offered anything. That's not all bad. I wonder how many product liability lawsuits we could have prevented if we had some respect for experience?
Call me crazy but judging by his screen name, I'd guess Indian.
Then again, screen names are often delusional. This may come as a giant shock to some of you, but I'm not really royalty.
Call me crazy but judging by his screen name, I'd guess Indian.
Then again, screen names are often delusional. This may come as a giant shock to some of you, but I'm not really royalty.
And I don't play the piano very well... Always wanted to but never put in the time to make it happen.
This is, probably,why I make my dd continue piano lessons. GASP. I'm one of THOSE parents who MAKES their kid do something when she'd rather play video games or hang out with her friends. I figure I'd rather hear her tell me the lessons were a waste than to tell me she wishes I'd made her stick with it (in my defense, she is a natural talent and could go far if she ever decides to apply herself).
Do yourself a favor - spend some time volunteering with foster kids. Your parents are saints in comparison.
My parents are very similar to the OP's. They were overprotective when they didn't need to be and distant when I needed a little coddling. I went to college 1000 miles away from home, only came home for winter break and briefly after graduating. 6 months after graduation, I was diagnosed with cancer at 23. My parents didn't even come visit during my 6 months of chemo and screamed at me over the phone if I didn't call them, no matter if I had treatment 3 hours before.
But my parents are FAR from the worst I've seen. They're probably only slightly below average.
The real world is scary. REALLY scary. It's worse when your parents haven't properly prepared you to do it on your own... but you have to figure it out. I knew that for me, the only way I could make it is if I put real physical distance in between myself and my parents.
Now I'm dating a guy whose biological mother (he will not call her his mom) left him with serious physical scars before he was put into foster care, where he was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. His father eventually came around to trying to be a dad - but then my boyfriend found him dead of an overdose when he was only 17. Those are "the worst parents I have ever known".
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Always wanted to but never put in the time to make it happen.