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I think what is sometimes overlooked when comparing American culture to that of other countries is that we are much larger and more spread out geographically than most. An adult child very likely isn't finding a job in the same town as they grew up in. Very often, parents aren't living in the same homes for their entire lives either. I do think there is nothing wrong with multigenerational households if one is able to do it and both parties are agreeable. It's wonderful in concept if not always doable for practical reasons. I think families should be open to doing whatever works best for those in their own family without worrying about or looking down their nose at what might work out best for others.
It sounds fine, but I don't think it's as easy or common as some might think for multiple generations to get along in sweet harmony. It's like the idea of utopia: not always so feasible in real life, especially as the group grows. The likelihood of various human foibles increases.
I, for one, know that I could not live with my mother. She knows it too and has said as much to me, and we laugh about it. That doesn't mean we don't love one another. We're just not the ideal family.
Most families are dysfunctional. This utopian idea of multigenerational families living happily ever after usually means some members are happy while others get to be the family scapegoat or some other unfortunate role that gets assigned to them.
I see the carnage that results years afterwards when the parents get sick and caregiving has to be done and they die and the estate comes into play, all the dynamics come to the surface and it's a mess. Add inlaws and a couple of messed up grandkids and it isn't so perfect.
My friend's mother went to live with friend and her husband because she was irresponsible, she "borrowed" money from them, the economy tanked, friend and husband were laid off, had no cushion because mother spent it, they lost the house they had for 20 years and now mom lives with a friend and the couple are essentially homeless. So much for helping out dear old mom.
Most families are dysfunctional. This utopian idea of multigenerational families living happily ever after usually means some members are happy while others get to be the family scapegoat or some other unfortunate role that gets assigned to them.
I see the carnage that results years afterwards when the parents get sick and caregiving has to be done and they die and the estate comes into play, all the dynamics come to the surface and it's a mess. Add inlaws and a couple of messed up grandkids and it isn't so perfect.
My friend's mother went to live with friend and her husband because she was irresponsible, she "borrowed" money from them, the economy tanked, friend and husband were laid off, had no cushion because mother spent it, they lost the house they had for 20 years and now mom lives with a friend and the couple are essentially homeless. So much for helping out dear old mom.
While it is true that all families have dysfunctional members in it, I find it laughable when I hear people say, "MOST families are dysfunctional". What in the heck is a "functional" family? Who judges that? Who sets that standard? I can't think of ANY family which is comprised of nothing but "perfect" people. The question is....how tolerant you are of each other. Just how perfect does a family member have to be in order to be tolerable?
Hey, I'm the first to admit that there are family members whom I would NEVER live with. Heck there are some I won't allow across my threshold. Like Julia, I don't think my mother and I could live in the same household. Probably one of the biggest reasons though, is that she constantly blames everyone else whenever one of her grown children screws up. I can't stand that and we'd end up fighting over it.....she accusing me of always finding fault with my siblings, me accusing her of constantly making excuses and enabling them to be bums and losers.
I don't enable my own children...so obviously, enabling my siblings is not an option. Everyone has something they can contribute....IF they're wiling. I do find it odd that so many "modern day Americans", feel that there's something wrong with sharing dwellings with multiple generations, especially considering how common it was 100 years ago.
I think all the worry and, sorry, paranoia is a reflection of the 24/7 sensational news society that so many have grown up with. Too much Chris Hansen and Nancy Grace will do that but there is money in scaring people. No reason for adult kids not to leave the nest when they can afford it, there is no education like being on your own and personally responsible for yourself. That is not selfish, it is selfless of parents to let kids learn to stand on their own.
I don't even know who Chris Hansen and Nancy Grace are, but I do know that as a matter of courtesy and common sense I always told whatever roommate I had when I expected to be home. Also, when I lived by myself I'd usually call my parents if I was going out of town so if they called my apartment or house and I wasn't home they wouldn't worry (pre cellphone days). In fact, we laugh about it now, but I met my husband in a very random fashion and we made plans to go out on a date. I called my mom before he came to pick me up and said "I don't know his last name, but his first name is X, he's in the Navy and he drives a blue car in case I disappear." It was a joke, but I did want someone to know what I was doing.
I don't even know who Chris Hansen and Nancy Grace are, but I do know that as a matter of courtesy and common sense I always told whatever roommate I had when I expected to be home. Also, when I lived by myself I'd usually call my parents if I was going out of town so if they called my apartment or house and I wasn't home they wouldn't worry (pre cellphone days). In fact, we laugh about it now, but I met my husband in a very random fashion and we made plans to go out on a date. I called my mom before he came to pick me up and said "I don't know his last name, but his first name is X, he's in the Navy and he drives a blue car in case I disappear." It was a joke, but I did want someone to know what I was doing.
Anyway, sorry to have followed the tangent...
To each his own. There is nothing wrong with reporting to someone but there is nothing wrong with not doing it. It isn't a courtesy to do so when the roommate is also in and out all the time and doesn't care when you will be home or not. They wouldn't be keeping track anyway. I never felt they were rude if they didn't report to me. The original point was that it can be nice to leave home and have some level of independence from parents, that's all. A lot of this debate sounds like defensiveness against that concept but it remains the goal of most young people even in this economic climate. If they had the great jobs, they would be off in their own places. It seems like some parents don't want that, and if they can't earn, they stay home and politely remain in the basement out of harm's way.
A lot of this debate sounds like defensiveness against that concept but it remains the goal of most young people even in this economic climate. If they had the great jobs, they would be off in their own places. It seems like some parents don't want that, and if they can't earn, they stay home and politely remain in the basement out of harm's way.
I'm confused. You think those of us who said, "Be polite. Leave a note." don't want our children to be independent and off on their own? (Basing this on the fact that those are the people you responded to.)
Things are different today. Generation Y is different. I guess I'm generation X (born in 1976) so I am neither a Boomer nor Generation Y. So I can see both sides of the coin. And from my perspective the general Boomers' assessment of Generation Y is very inaccurate. Plus, Boomers should have learned by now that with this generation shaming doesn't work. Calling them lazy or losers accomplishes nothing. It won't motivate them to action. Why? Because they don't care about your opinion of them. Anyone beating their chest about how they moved out at 18 in the 1970's is doing so to stroke their own ego. You have to realize that in the minds of today's young people the 1970's may as well be the 1870's. The world has changed enormously since then.
Living with parents or other family members simply makes sense in many cases. This isn't the 70's or the 80's. It is a different reality out here now.
I'm confused. You think those of us who said, "Be polite. Leave a note." don't want our children to be independent and off on their own? (Basing this on the fact that those are the people you responded to.)
I'm confused as well. Since when is consideration and awareness expected to be tossed aside, when shooting for independence? I'm grateful to not be living in that "dimension".
Just throwing this out there. my son (gen Y) set us up recently with "find friends" on our ipads and iphones. this way, we can all see where we each are even tho we may be in different states. This is really comforting to me as now I know when hubby is out of town, others can see via gps tracking where I am and I can see that others are safe as well. I often text my son to let him know when I am going out, even tho I don't need or expect a reply from him. There have been occasions when things have happened to one of us, including geting swept away in a deluge of water due to a flash food and sliding off the road at night during a snow and ice storm. So it is great to know someone could track a family member down via gps, if needed.
Not everyone finds communicating across generational lines a big intrusion, lol. We would like to get my elderly parents on a smart phone so we can also hook them up with "find friends."
Just throwing this out there. my son (gen Y) set us up recently with "find friends" on our ipads and iphones. this way, we can all see where we each are even tho we may be in different states. This is really comforting to me as now I know when hubby is out of town, others can see via gps tracking where I am and I can see that others are safe as well. I often text my son to let him know when I am going out, even tho I don't need or expect a reply from him. There have been occasions when things have happened to one of us, including geting swept away in a deluge of water due to a flash food and sliding off the road at night during a snow and ice storm. So it is great to know someone could track a family member down via gps, if needed.
Not everyone finds communicating across generational lines a big intrusion, lol. We would like to get my elderly parents on a smart phone so we can also hook them up with "find friends."
Bingo Ani, that's the truth. Not everyone finds it intrusive. Isn't it funny how people view things so differently. Some think it's a sign of paranoia, that some people feel the need to let others know where they're going. Some of us think it's a sign of paranoia and inconsideration, to not tell others where you're going.
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I do find it odd that so many "modern day Americans", feel that there's something wrong with sharing dwellings with multiple generations, especially considering how common it was 100 years ago. 
