want to move - are we crazy???? (teenager, support, single mom)

[bchud2]

My husband and I have 2 kids (2 and 5) and currently live close to both sides of our family. We enjoy having close relationships with them but find ourselves constantly considering the possibility of moving our family out of state. We must be out of our minds because my husband has a great job which allows us a great deal of financial security, we like our surroundings and are very very close to our extended family. Unfortunately, the great job that my husband has was given to him by his father which may sound like a great thing but has been a challange for him in some ways. Despite the fact that he is very good at what he does he feels the need to gain some level of independance not only in his workplace but also personally. I have never lived anywhere else and my husband moved here when he was a teenager so we both feel this urge to branch out on our own. There are a couple of places we are looking at that seem to be a great fit and my husband can do his job just about anywhere (although it may take time and a big chunk of our savings to build up a client base). However, we cannot ignore what we would be giving up (financial security, extended family, familiarity and friends) and find ourselves at an impass. I am seeking any advice anyone may have on giving up the tangibles to seek out the intangible. Is it worth it to give up so much to feel complete? How will our children handle us pulling them away from their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc.. ? HELP!!!!

[Vesper]

I am wondering....Is the only way for your husband to stay in his line of work to a: ) stay working for his father or b: ) move out of state?

Why can't he go into the same line of work for someone else where you are already settled?

I get the feeling you and your husband like both your families but still have the young urge to flee the nest and be free from "parental oversight".

If that is the case and you are otherwise happy, maybe you should try to find things that could be changed in your lives to give you that little extra bit of seperation from your families. Good families are hard to find in this day and age. I think you should hang onto yours.

If there is a problem and you have already tried solving it, then I say go for it. Make yourselves happy.

[Willys]

I believe if Samuel Clemens were here he would have a good tale to answer your question. I can only think of the adventure you might behold, for yourselves and for the children.

[MotleyCrew]

I love Mark Twain. I wish I had his sense of humor when we picked up our family and moved up to his territory in N.CA. It was very hard and it took us over 5 years to build up a client base. I think it depends largely on where you are relocating. I would not suggest a small, nepotistic mountain town like we fell into. It sure looked good on paper. In hindsight, we did manage to give our kids the beautiful forest instead of city crime and polution. Best of luck to you and yours.

[5kingsinvegas]

Sometimes even the most loving and close families can be tough. We moved a year and a half ago from Michigan to Las Vegas. Both mine and my husbands family are all in the Midwest...Michigan, Illinois and Ohio. We moved because of economic issues but both of us had never lived more than a few miles from our parents. No one but family had ever watched our children. Even though it was hard to pack up and move away I have to say it really has been a blessing in disguise. Your children are at the perfect age for an adventure and the nice thing is that if you are homesick you can move back home since your hubby has job security with his dad. I went back home with my children for 3 weeks this summer and my family has visited 3 times since we moved. I had a great time when I went back but the really nice thing is that when it was time to leave I was actually glad.

Best of luck in your decision

[jessiegirl_98]

This is really a personal decision. I feel that it would be really hard for you to give up that support and yes, there would be a transition period for your children and they would have some adjustment problems. That being said, kids are resilient so if you want to move and if you feel that it's best for you as a family, your kids will be fine.

[bchud2]

Thank you all for your input. Who knows what we will decide. I am feeling like there is no "right" answer. I'll play the we are moving card for a moment and ask about location. Does anyone have any input on Oregon. We are considering Bend and Hood River. We live in Park City, Utah currently. Love the location but $$$$$$$$$. Expensive, among other details. Is there anyone out there who can compare the two?

[5FLgirls]

We've gone through exactly what you are going through. We lived in an area where my whole family lived too. My husband was dissatisfied with his job plus his mil (my mom) worked in his department and everyone knew our business.. There were no opportunities in his field where we lived so if he wanted another job, we would have to move. We hemmed and hawed about it and then just bit the bullet. We actually moved from one end of the country to the other and have left everyone. It's tough but doable. You learn to rely on each other and it definitely gets you out of your comfort zone. It will definitely bring you closer as a couple and a family but the safety net is gone. It will be a struggle but worth it.

[pirate girl]

I moved as a single mom with a 18 month old away from my family and friends. I felt like I was spiritually smothered in my hometown. I struggled for a year or so- financially and emotionally.

But that 18 month old is now 14. I have a fantastic career and have built a fabulous life for myself. And I have no regrets.

I do recommend getting your children settled someplace while they are young- I wouldn't recommend such major changes beyond the elementary school years.

[bchud2]

thank you, thank you, thank you. Hearing from people who have successfully pulled this off for similar motives is REALLY encouraging. I appreciate your comments so much. I am not feeling like such a huge selfish psychopath, just a small selfish psychopath now.