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I'm not a parent, so grain of salt. But I would have a casual conversation with the other girl's mother. She may have no idea her older daughter is interfering or may know it's a habit of her's but not know about this instance. I wouldn't say "keep your kid away from mine" but more of a kid's will be kid's thought you should know type conversation and see how she reacts.
I'd also have a talk with the principal about not assuming your daughter did something based on what over kids say. The principal should have asked. That would annoy me.
For what it's worth, my mother says my friends and I cried our way through 3rd-6th grade and were generally always mad at someone. I barely remember any of it and I'm no worse for it. I think it's just typical girl stuff.
I wouldn't say this either, wrong choice of words on my part I did have a talk with the principal, last week regarding this situation. I also let her know that the sister shouldn't be interferring and she agreed, that's why I'm so miffed that the principal didn't say to the sister that it really isn't her place to get involved
My daughter has never had these kinds of problems before and this is the only girl she has issues with. I just want the sister to leave my daughter alone and let her and her younger sister be friends and work out their own problems.
Yes, my daughter is in 4th grade, the other girls are in 5th grade. I try not to interfere with drama between her and her friend also, but this girl is the sister of the friend and is now having my daughter called to the principals office over things she didn't do or say. This isn't the first time either. I have let her know I will support her in whatever decision she makes, but if it were me I would steer clear of both her friend and the sister. I did tell her she should not hang out with the friend for a while to see if that cools things down. Guess I will find out what happened when my daughter gets home.
I agree that this older sister is trouble. In my experience, whenever I tell my daughter to stay away from someone she doesn't listen. She only stays away if she doesn't want to deal with it anymore. It's always about when she has had enough. Ask your daughter if she has had enough yet. Her tolerance level may be higher than yours. I know this is hard stuff. I hate it, personally. What does your daughter think about you talking to their mom? If she's ok with it, do it, but I have a feeling your daughter won't want you to. Good luck
My daughter didn't know E was crying and went to sister until she got called into the Pricipals office. My daughter has already tried to talk to the sister and let her know that what happens between her and E is their business not sisters, but sister said it was her business because she is the Big Sister.
Everything we have tried hasn't worked. Seems that whenever there is a problem with E the sister blames my daughter for it.
I just sent an e-mail to the principal and requested she set up a meeting with us, the girls and the girls parents. I want this over.
I guess I don't see the issue with the sister getting involved. From what she was told by her little sister, it seems like a perfectly logical response. If she had confronted your daughter, I could understand your concern.
It sounds to me like there are major trust issues between your daughter & this other little girl for her to believe she was saying mean things about her. And I don't know the situation so I can't comment on what it might be, but there must be a reason for it.
I guess I don't see the issue with the sister getting involved. From what she was told by her little sister, it seems like a perfectly logical response. If she had confronted your daughter, I could understand your concern.
It sounds to me like there are major trust issues between your daughter & this other little girl for her to believe she was saying mean things about her. And I don't know the situation so I can't comment on what it might be, but there must be a reason for it.
This issue is the older sister seems to be more of a parent role than a sister role. She is constantly blaming my daughter for doing things to her sister that make her cry, which my daughter doesn't do. Blaming her for things my daughter hasn't said, etc..and now going to the principal because my daughter suposedly said mean things? If the friend had a problem with it, she should be going to the principal not the older sister. The friend actually likes my daughter, it's the older sister that doesn't.
I agree that this older sister is trouble. In my experience, whenever I tell my daughter to stay away from someone she doesn't listen. She only stays away if she doesn't want to deal with it anymore. It's always about when she has had enough. Ask your daughter if she has had enough yet. Her tolerance level may be higher than yours. I know this is hard stuff. I hate it, personally. What does your daughter think about you talking to their mom? If she's ok with it, do it, but I have a feeling your daughter won't want you to. Good luck
I will talk with her today about it. I know this morning she was really upset when I suggested she just not hang out with E anymore. She started crying and said if I tell her I don't want to hang out with her anymore her sister's going to get really mad and I'm scared of what she will do. That really made me mad when I heard her say that. I told her if she didn't want to be friends with E anymore that was her decision and no one should be mad at her for that.
Laura, the way I see it, you have two choices....either let it go and let them work it out, or get the sisters and their mom together with you and your daughter, and have a group discussion. It sounds to me like you've got a girl who's looking out for her sister....not necessarily a bad thing. However, it also sounds like she's in hyper-protective mode here. Getting everyone together for some cake and a snack, might help to solve the problem.
Laura, the way I see it, you have two choices....either let it go and let them work it out, or get the sisters and their mom together with you and your daughter, and have a group discussion. It sounds to me like you've got a girl who's looking out for her sister....not necessarily a bad thing. However, it also sounds like she's in hyper-protective mode here. Getting everyone together for some cake and a snack, might help to solve the problem.
I can understand a big sister looking out for a younger sister if things were actually happening to said younger sister, but they aren't. My daughter has done or said nothing to this girl to warrant her big sister being this way.
I suggested to my daughter that perhaps she just shouldn't be friends with E anymore and the funny thing is the principal actually told me this was good advise I was like, huh? You think me telling my daughter not to be friends with someone because their sister is harrassing you is good advise, really? What a waste of time talking to the principal was. I thought that maybe she could help me resolve this, but now I know, she nor the school are going to do anything to help my daughter.
I will talk with my daughter today and see how she wants to handle this. This has been going on since November and something has to change.
I can understand a big sister looking out for a younger sister if things were actually happening to said younger sister, but they aren't. My daughter has done or said nothing to this girl to warrant her big sister being this way.
I suggested to my daughter that perhaps she just shouldn't be friends with E anymore and the funny thing is the principal actually told me this was good advise I was like, huh? You think me telling my daughter not to be friends with someone because their sister is harrassing you is good advise, really? What a waste of time talking to the principal was. I thought that maybe she could help me resolve this, but now I know, she nor the school are going to do anything to help my daughter.
I will talk with my daughter today and see how she wants to handle this. This has been going on since November and something has to change.
But your daughter's friend is telling her sister they DID happen. The older sister isn't making it up - YOUR DAUGHTER'S FRIEND IS. The principal, IMO, is trying to gently tell you the friend is a problem. This is not an older sister bothering your daughter. This is a girl saying something happened that didn't. The sister has no reason to think she's lying.
If it were me I would stop trying to blame the older sister. Every time something happens ask your daughter why her friend would do something like that. In time she will see that she's no friend at all.
But your daughter's friend is telling her sister they DID happen. The older sister isn't making it up - YOUR DAUGHTER'S FRIEND IS. The principal, IMO, is trying to gently tell you the friend is a problem. This is not an older sister bothering your daughter. This is a girl saying something happened that didn't. The sister has no reason to think she's lying.
If it were me I would stop trying to blame the older sister. Every time something happens ask your daughter why her friend would do something like that. In time she will see that she's no friend at all.
That's a good point, thanks.
At this point I think it would probably be best for my daughter to back away, but that will be hard since they have the same group of friends. I don't want my daughter to lose other friends.
You are about to give your daughter a lesson that will help her deal with people the rest of her life.
Explain to her:
that some people see things the way they want to, not the way they really are
that some people have a streak of deceit in them. They don't see the truth as others do.
that some people are jealous and don't want friends/sisters to see/talk/play or whatever with others.
But most of all, sisters have a relationship that can take strange turns. It has nothing to do with her and the sooner she learns that this might be the usual behavior, then the sooner she will be able to handle it. Sisters can be very troublesome.
AND....Don't go running to the principal or teacher again.
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I did have a talk with the principal, last week regarding this situation. I also let her know that the sister shouldn't be interferring and she agreed, that's why I'm so miffed that the principal didn't say to the sister that it really isn't her place to get involved
I told her if she didn't want to be friends with E anymore that was her decision and no one should be mad at her for that.
I was like, huh? You think me telling my daughter not to be friends with someone because their sister is harrassing you is good advise, really? What a waste of time talking to the principal was. I thought that maybe she could help me resolve this, but now I know, she nor the school are going to do anything to help my daughter.
