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You are about to give your daughter a lesson that will help her deal with people the rest of her life.
Explain to her:
that some people see things the way they want to, not the way they really are
that some people have a streak of deceit in them. They don't see the truth as others do.
that some people are jealous and don't want friends/sisters to see/talk/play or whatever with others.
But most of all, sisters have a relationship that can take strange turns. It has nothing to do with her and the sooner she learns that this might be the usual behavior, then the sooner she will be able to handle it. Sisters can be very troublesome.
AND....Don't go running to the principal or teacher again.
I didn't go running. We have been trying to handle this since November, but as soon as the sister started having my daughter pulled into the principals office is when I said enough is enough. That is when I decided to try and get some help from the school. Obviously that was the wrong choice because the school isn't going to do anything.
Laura, I was just thinking that the older sister feels threatened by your daughter's relationship with her younger sister. Do you think that's the case? Does the older sister do this with her sister's other friends or just your daughter?
Laura, I was just thinking that the older sister feels threatened by your daughter's relationship with her younger sister. Do you think that's the case? Does the older sister do this with her sister's other friends or just your daughter?
I had thought about that too Gimme. I do know that the older sister doesn't like another friend in their group, but she doesn't go after her like she does my daughter. I think the reason for that is my daughter stands up for herself and says things back to the older sister. I have told her not to play into it and walk away, but it's hard for a 10 year old to do that.
Sorry, I didn't read your post closely enough. I think you are correct, the school isn't going to do anything. I am thinking that they may be very much aware about what's going on, but are helpless to do much about it.
This is April. It's not much more to this school year. Help your daughter to adjust to the way things are regardless of whether it's right or wrong. "Making the best of a bad situation" is a good motto to keep in mind.
I suspect that the bottom of the problems with the sisters begins in their home. There's very little that can be done to get parents to raise their children differently.
I had thought about that too Gimme. I do know that the older sister doesn't like another friend in their group, but she doesn't go after her like she does my daughter. I think the reason for that is my daughter stands up for herself and says things back to the older sister. I have told her not to play into it and walk away, but it's hard for a 10 year old to do that.
In my opinion, you are getting WAY too involved in this. This is, ultimately, your daughter's problem. Sounds like the friend is not much of a friend. It does not make sense for you to get involved in managing her friends and whom she will or won't loose in the drama of elementary aged kids. Give her your opinion that she should steer clear of "friend" and leave her alone.
Laura, the thing of it is, kids can be pretty darned possessive and jealous at 10 yrs old. Seems to me like the little sister is jealous and insecure about your daughter having other friends. She sees them talking and "assumes" they're talking about her. Has this been an issue with the little sister and your daughter's other friend? If so, it's only natural that she'd feel they were talking about her. Again, and as others have said, the big sister is "reacting" to her little sister's tales of woe. Again, either your daughter's going to have to do her own explaining to the little girl, or you're going to have to personally get everyone together to clear the air. I would never take something like this to the principal. There has actually been nothing DONE to your daughter, other than some "tattling", so what can the principal do? .....other than to ignore a "non-existent" problem.
In my opinion, you are getting WAY too involved in this. This is, ultimately, your daughter's problem.
Normally this would be my response as well. When I first began reading the posts, I initially felt this way. But, when the principal becomes involved, I think the parents needs to also be involved. The parents at least need to keep "in the loop" and stay on top of what's going on. They cannot control the kids behavior, but they do need to be discussing the behavior with all the parties involved, and helping the kids learn to navigate the situation.
4th and 5th grade is nasty business for girls, I've noticed.
I agree with HHS.... also, getting ALL parties together to discuss this situation, puts everyone on the spot. IF there's meanness going on, it's out in the open. If the little sister is just being jealous and possessive, and getting her big sister riled up for nothing, that other mom NEEDS to know what her child is up to. It would be really sad if this continued and the older sister ended up in trouble for "physically" defending her sister, on down the road.
Hey, it happens all the time....jealous little troublemaking siblings, using their older brother or sister to do their dirty work.
Laura, the thing of it is, kids can be pretty darned possessive and jealous at 10 yrs old. Seems to me like the little sister is jealous and insecure about your daughter having other friends. She sees them talking and "assumes" they're talking about her. Has this been an issue with the little sister and your daughter's other friend? If so, it's only natural that she'd feel they were talking about her. Again, and as others have said, the big sister is "reacting" to her little sister's tales of woe. Again, either your daughter's going to have to do her own explaining to the little girl, or you're going to have to personally get everyone together to clear the air. I would never take something like this to the principal. There has actually been nothing DONE to your daughter, other than some "tattling", so what can the principal do? .....other than to ignore a "non-existent" problem.
To be clear, I did not go to the principal first. I only called her last week after my daughter told me she was called in along with the other two about another incident that happened between them. I wanted her take on what was going on and how to handle the situation because it was now apparent that things were going to the next level. I explained to her that this had been going on since November and that I would like her help in resolving the issues.
Normally this would be my response as well. When I first began reading the posts, I initially felt this way. But, when the principal becomes involved, I think the parents needs to also be involved. The parents at least need to keep "in the loop" and stay on top of what's going on. They cannot control the kids behavior, but they do need to be discussing the behavior with all the parties involved, and helping the kids learn to navigate the situation.
4th and 5th grade is nasty business for girls, I've noticed.
I completely agree. This is why I called the principal when my daughter told me she was called into her office last week with the other two girls. After what happened yesterday, I e-mailed the principal and requested a meeting with her, the other girls and their parents. She said it wasn't warranted at this time? and that she spoke with the girls yesterday and told them they needed to come up with a resolution between them. I told her that my dd had been trying to resolve this since November and things are getting worse because now the big sister has involved her.
I spoke with my daughter after school today and she let me know that she decided to not be friends with E and she let her know that today. She said her big sister is just too much to deal with and that she is tired of being blamed for things she didn't do or say.
I am very proud of the way she has handled herself through all of this. She has tried to stay friends with E because she actually likes her.
I just hope this will be the end of all of this drama.
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