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I've had about 5 responses typed out. But I think I'll just leave it. If you're happy with your family that's wonderful. I doubt anyone here is responding based on sour grapes though.
If that means happy people then I would be glad to be wrong.
I can only speak for myself. I do not post out of sour grapes. I have one child in particular that was very hard to figure out. He wasn't and isn't "bad." but he is wired differently, and none of the parenting book stuff worked on him. I spent 7 years trying to figure him out. I did not give up, and it has paid off. His life has changed for the better, my life has changed for the better, and our relationship has changed for the better. I like to use my experiences to help other people. When I see another mom struggling with something that I did, I want to reach out, commiserate, and offer advice. I love that my efforts paid off, and I love it when they can help someone else too. So excuse me if I get just a little POed when admitting past behavior issues gets a big fat finger pointed at me as the problem. There were problems and I fixed them. That is something to be proud of, not sour about.
It also probably accounts for all the Asians I know who have ulcers when their 50 because nothing they do is ever good enough for their parents. Who are 75. And STILL yelling at their children to succeed.
Well... at least these Asians, they manage to live till 50 or 75... and still yelling (shows positive energy & lively health).
I've seen many "imperfect" children and parents themselves who died before their time of 50 or 75 because they overdose on drugs (moms & pa both), is in jail on a sentence, get killed via bad crowd they hang around with or working in bad section of town due to not getting better jobs or living in bad neighbourhood etc.
Want some personal testament???
When DD was 3 and my DH & I are in a transition phase (via renting), our next door neighbour "mom" who had a child same age as mine ODed & died on drugs leaving that little girl behind... some good "imperfect" mom for the child right???
A vicious circle = imperfect mom makes imperfect child who in turn will become another imperfect mom... there you go. I'll still be happy into my 50s or 75 telling that same story to my grandchild in trying to be that "perfect" grandmother, thank you very much.
P.S. Two wrongs (imperfect parent & imperfect child) will never make a right... and you think as an "example" to your own child... you as example will put that very best foot forward to "try" to make at least 1 right (that right / good from you "the self" by example).
"Laziness" due to lack of trying...
(why lazy??? if you won't even try isn't it called "lazy" to try?)
Be it letting any "excuse" overpower YOUR own "Will power" to try for the love of your child...
Won't you as a mother, a leader as example to your child feel a bit "guilty" because you just has gotten "too lazy" to even try to be perfect mom / parent to them???
They are only children... that "blank canvas"... totally innocent.
They look upon you the mom as their star of their whole world and you wouldn't even try to NOT "let them down"????
Yah... perfect love like God's, there is a thing call "hope" which means to "try for" even if perfection may seem impossible.
"Laziness" due to lack of trying...
(why lazy??? if you won't even try isn't it called "lazy" to try?)
Be it letting any "excuse" overpower YOUR own "Will power" to try for the love of your child...
Won't you as a mother, a leader as example to your child feel a bit "guilty" because you just has gotten "too lazy" to even try to be perfect mom / parent to them???
They are only children... that "blank canvas"... totally innocent.
They look upon you the mom as their star of their whole world and you wouldn't even try to NOT "let them down"????
Yah... perfect love like God's, there is a thing call "hope" which means to "try for" even if perfection may seem impossible.
Like I said again... "A" is for effort.
huey - The way I see it is that there is a big difference between striving to be the best parent one can possibly be (which I think is what you are talking about) and pretending that one is already perfect and then putting down any parent who doesn't do the things the same way (which I think is what the OP is talking about). I don't think anyone would argue with you that we are all trying to be the best parents to our kids that we are capable of. I also don't think people are arguing to purposefully be neglectful or mediocre, more that part of being a "good parent" is recognizing when we aren't perfect (which none of us are, no matter how much one strives for that ideal) and trying to do better.
huey - The way I see it is that there is a big difference between striving to be the best parent one can possibly be (which I think is what you are talking about) and pretending that one is already perfect and then putting down any parent who doesn't do the things the same way (which I think is what the OP is talking about). I don't think anyone would argue with you that we are all trying to be the best parents to our kids that we are capable of. I also don't think people are arguing to purposefully be neglectful or mediocre, more that part of being a "good parent" is recognizing when we aren't perfect (which none of us are, no matter how much one strives for that ideal) and trying to do better.
Yes... even if non .00001% perfect, one can still try for that 99.9999 perfection achievement.
God is 100% perfect, human can strive to be perfect "like-God" in his/her image.
That "like" is to try.
To try for that child... is to love that child.
huey - The way I see it is that there is a big difference between striving to be the best parent one can possibly be (which I think is what you are talking about) and pretending that one is already perfect and then putting down any parent who doesn't do the things the same way (which I think is what the OP is talking about). I don't think anyone would argue with you that we are all trying to be the best parents to our kids that we are capable of. I also don't think people are arguing to purposefully be neglectful or mediocre, more that part of being a "good parent" is recognizing when we aren't perfect (which none of us are, no matter how much one strives for that ideal) and trying to do better.
yes, this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hueyeats
Yes... even if non .00001% perfect, one can still try for that 99.9999 perfection achievement.
God is 100% perfect, human can strive to be perfect "like-God" in his/her image.
That "like" is to try.
To try for that child... is to love that child.
We heard you the first time.
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