Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It sounds like you really want to help this child but at the same time at some point you have to consider if you are making it easier for his mother to not parent by leaving the job to you. I appreciate that you care but perhaps consider it has gotten to the point that this woman is taking advantage because she knows that you will pick up her slack. I would try having a talk with her explaining your own financial situation and the fact that you can barely make ends meet in your own home. If she doesn't care to respect your boundaries consider her another person who looks to others to enable her way out of her responsibilities and only allow short visits once a week since your son does enjoy the friendship. My prayers are with you.
Ok...after weekend update. Child was here till mother came home on Friday. Came back Saturday morning stayed till lunch...came back an hour later stayed till dinner...came back 30 mins later and asked if he could have a sleepover because his little cousin was there and he needed the bed. Said no. Child stayed till about 8 pm. Back on Sunday morning (11 am because "he had a late night"). Ate lunch and dinner on Sunday because he said they didn't have anymore food. Left at 9 pm. Back at our place 6:30 am to walk to school with my son at 7:45 am.
This is getting ridiculous.
Now they are arguing about Harry Potter movies and making me quite angry because neither are getting it right because neither saw anything past movie 4....that aside, so happy this a school day.
I've only gotten this far in the thread, so apologies if someone else has already pointed this out.
You've been saying that you still haven't met the mother. That's your own doing. You have chosen not to meet the mother. I say that because of the second sentence in the quote, bolded by me for emphasis, among others which I didn't bold.
Obviously, the mother has been home, when you've sent the kid back, or when the kid went back on his own. What stopped you from going WITH that kid, to his apartment, and having a talk with the mother, who was obviously there at the time?
Which is more important to YOU: inconveniencing the mother of a child who is being thrust into your care? Or the fact that someone else's child is being thrust into your care?
Stop being a doormat. Yes, feel badly for the boy, and call CPS since he is -already- a "situation" as a foster child with an open case. His legal guardian (or mother, or foster mother, the label doesn't even matter now) is passing the responsibility of his care off to you, without asking you if you want that responsibility. That is - neglect. She is neglecting HER responsibility to the child put in her care.
When the boy comes over without being invited, say no. Don't SEND him back. TAKE him back. Go with him, to that apartment door, and when the mother answers, confront her immediately. Politely. Tell her that little Johnny is welcome to come over, only when you and she agree to specific days and times. And he is welcome to stay, each time he does come over, only until the time agreed upon by her, and yourself, in a direct conversation with each other.
If a cousin needs the bed, then he can sleep on HIS family's floor. Or have the cousin sleep on the floor. Or she can stop inviting the cousin over. It's not your problem, unless you allow it to be your problem. It's none of your business, unless you invite it to be your business.
As someone else pointed out:
Say no. Not "wel okay but just for an hour." Say NO. Practice it. You're the mom in YOUR home. Stiffen up your spine and say NO. Lead the boy to his apartment. If the mother isn't home, leave the boy in front of his door, and then go home, and call the police.
Keep doing this, until the mother either starts taking responsibility for the child in her care, or until the police intervene. You do no one a favor by being a doormat for this child.
Some parents should not be parents, it could be that this mother is trying to keep the child just so she can get food stamps and assistance. This sounds horrible but there are alot of self centered parents that do this.
In one statement you indicated this is starting to trouble your son. Can you explain?
There are some children that my children are not allowed to play with so we do not answer the door. Maybe you can try this or just not be home when you know the child comes around if it really bothers you.
However, you may want to check with the school about getting help in your situation for breakfast and walking your child to school earlier and showing the other child that there is more assistance out there than just you. The same goes with taking the child to a church after school see if there is one on the way home or a boys/girls club where you can take the boys and show him these different avenues. Help not just you but your boy and the other boy there is more help out there maybe even see if the school can check into big brothers and big sisters for the boy and you take your son there. Show the boys that there are more possibilities out there for both boys or even take the boy to the library with you so he can see that he can go there while waiting for his mom and it is a safe place to go. Good Luck!
I haven't read through all of the posts, just several pages.
I had a neighbor who acted like this. Lots of men around, the child was not properly clothed or fed or supervised, etc. The mom would sleep with men for drugs (and it was mostly weed, she didn't put a high price on herself). She got food from lots of different food pantries and from the Mormon and Catholic churches, but she never cooked any of it, just stored it until it expired.
I tried to help where I could, bought some clothes for her son at the thrift store because his pants were four inches too short (he started growing once he was eating his free breakfest and lunches at schol), but she sold the clothes to the resale shop for cigarette money. She used to show up with him at dinnertime. She started leaving little scraps of paper wedged in my doorframe asking me to pick up her son. She got my phone number (I let her use it once to call food banks, back when I believed she was actually going to feed her child if she had food) and listed me as the emergency contact for her child on the school forms.
At that time I had a lot of other things going on and I didn't have time to be the safety net for an irresponsible mom. I went to the school and told them they had to take me off the child's emergency contact list because I wasn't a relative, babysitter, or friend of the family and I wasn't taking any responsibility for the boy. I didn't let him come over. When the mother left notes wedged in my door (and I was home, she just wanted to make sure I couldn't say no), I told the teachers I was only picking up my own child and not hers. They didn't let kinder age kids walk home on their own, so the school had to keep him until they could track down the mom.
I felt bad for the little guy, but some of these moms will take advantage of everyone they can and you can't be their safety net forever. The more you do, the more they will ask for. People who don't take care of their own kids and ask strangers to help will start small and then move up to asking for bigger things once you're in a pattern of saying yes. Next thing you know, you'll be buying clothes and school supplies, feeding him dinner every night, watching him on the weekends...basically doing everything for the kid except getting to claim him on your taxes.
And yes, it feels bad to quit helping, knowing the child will be neglected...but everyone who helps that mom and does her job for her is enabling her, and providing just enough care for the child that the mom doesn't have to do anything for her kid and CPS can't do anything to take the child out of the situation.
I'm not sure where the "pit of filth" is but I live far from an upper class neighborhood and I've had police come out for a DOG that was left outside too long and neglected.
Something doesn't fit with your explanation of the situation. Nowhere in America would law enforcement, given the details you've given to us, just neglect to do anything with this child. One of two things are happening here; either you're stretching the truth for some reason or you just aren't doing everything you can do to help this child.
You call everybody you can think of, the school, CPS, the police, and the front office, one more time to let them know you're done providing for this ABANDONED CHILD and you'll be calling them everyday until he gets taken into protective custody.
Is this really that hard to understand? If you want to truly help the kid, stop whining to us, a bunch of people who can't do anything excpet blow sunshine up your yahoo, shut down the computer (why you own one and have internet access when you only eat three to four times a week is beyond me - and don't give me the "I'm using the library internet." You're updating us quite frequently) and take care of business. This is past the point of ridiculous if this is really happening.
I'm not sure where the "pit of filth" is but I live far from an upper class neighborhood and I've had police come out for a DOG that was left outside too long and neglected.
Something doesn't fit with your explanation of the situation. Nowhere in America would law enforcement, given the details you've given to us, just neglect to do anything with this child. One of two things are happening here; either you're stretching the truth for some reason or you just aren't doing everything you can do to help this child.
You call everybody you can think of, the school, CPS, the police, and the front office, one more time to let them know you're done providing for this ABANDONED CHILD and you'll be calling them everyday until he gets taken into protective custody.
Is this really that hard to understand? If you want to truly help the kid, stop whining to us, a bunch of people who can't do anything excpet blow sunshine up your yahoo, shut down the computer (why you own one and have internet access when you only eat three to four times a week is beyond me - and don't give me the "I'm using the library internet." You're updating us quite frequently) and take care of business. This is past the point of ridiculous if this is really happening.
Yes!!! The police would come if she told them that she heard the mom and boyfriend hurting him, which she says she has. They come when a couple is fighting loudly, let alone when a kid is being abused. If she tells us where the pit of filth is, i would be happy to research social service agencies and after school programs for this boy. They will make sure calls get made if they sense abuse.
Our police get involved as little as possible when it comes to children. The school has reported her, I have reported her, that is really all we can do on that end. I called the police yesterday and they will not come out. He is not on the streets, he is inside an apartment complex with access to water and a bathroom. To them that makes a difference. Never said we had the best system here.
Yes my post is part rant because I would love to tell his mother to stop being so young and irresponsible, but I don't even know the woman. Their teacher has not even met her. We are all doing what we can to help, but this is affecting my son and his behavior now.
I told the other child he could not come over on Saturday and he started bawling. I know I'm a pushover when it comes to kids crying but I think he really doesn't want to live with her.
Please try my suggestion. Pick up your son a little early from school TODAY. Do not take the neighbor boy along with you. Tell the teacher and school office that you are not walking him home and are not responsible for NB. Then spend a few enjoyable hours at the public library, park, window shopping, etc, with your son.
Either the school will call the police when there is no one to pick up NB,
or he will not be able to get inside the apartment complex because he doesn't have a key and someone will call the police because of a stranded child or he will go into the apartment complex office and they will call the police if his mother is not home.
Repeat tomorrow, if needed. His mother needs a serious wake-up call. It appears that he would be much better off back with his grandmother or in the foster system.
I'm not sure where the "pit of filth" is but I live far from an upper class neighborhood and I've had police come out for a DOG that was left outside too long and neglected.
Something doesn't fit with your explanation of the situation. Nowhere in America would law enforcement, given the details you've given to us, just neglect to do anything with this child. One of two things are happening here; either you're stretching the truth for some reason or you just aren't doing everything you can do to help this child.
You call everybody you can think of, the school, CPS, the police, and the front office, one more time to let them know you're done providing for this ABANDONED CHILD and you'll be calling them everyday until he gets taken into protective custody.
Is this really that hard to understand? If you want to truly help the kid, stop whining to us, a bunch of people who can't do anything excpet blow sunshine up your yahoo, shut down the computer (why you own one and have internet access when you only eat three to four times a week is beyond me - and don't give me the "I'm using the library internet." You're updating us quite frequently) and take care of business. This is past the point of ridiculous if this is really happening.
I have to disagree with the bolded part. The police cannot remove a child, they have to call CPS (or whatever it's called in each city). When there are clear signs and evidence of physical abuse I'm sure they will act. But the OP has never described actually hearing or seeing anything specific. If there is food in the house they will leave the child there. My brother was a cop for many years and his hands were tied and he had to leave children where he knew they did not belong. And I'm not joking - if there's food, they stay. My own husband called on a family member who was running a shooting gallery in his house with his daughter (my husband's niece) there. There was leftover Chinese food in the fridge and they said they couldn't take her. In large cities there are thousands of abused and neglected children. Law enforcement will not "absolutely" remove a child because their parent pushes them off on a neighbor.
I have to disagree with the bolded part. The police cannot remove a child, they have to call CPS (or whatever it's called in each city). When there are clear signs and evidence of physical abuse I'm sure they will act. But the OP has never described actually hearing or seeing anything specific. If there is food in the house they will leave the child there. My brother was a cop for many years and his hands were tied and he had to leave children where he knew they did not belong. And I'm not joking - if there's food, they stay. My own husband called on a family member who was running a shooting gallery in his house with his daughter (my husband's niece) there. There was leftover Chinese food in the fridge and they said they couldn't take her. In large cities there are thousands of abused and neglected children. Law enforcement will not "absolutely" remove a child because their parent pushes them off on a neighbor.
The person you're responding to didn't suggest that it was the police department's job to take the kid into protective custody. She said they would not ignore the problem, as the OP is suggesting is happening.
The police would call CPS, and CPS would either take the kid, or not, but they would certainly look into it immediately if a call came in from the police department saying a 7-year-old kid is standing outside his apartment hallway without a legal guardian present or available to take responsibility for the child.
If the school called CPS, CPS would either take the kid or not, but they would certainly look into it immediately if a call came in from the school stating that the kid is there, and there's no legal guardian to pick him up and no legal guardian can be contacted.
The point is, it is not the OP's responsibility, to take responsibility, for a neighbor's child. It is the OP's responsibility to report the child, who is not merely a minor child but a VERY YOUNG minor child, to the local authorities, to inform them that this child is standing alone with no legal guardian to care for him and no legal guardian available to even communicate with.
On the other hand, the legal guardian IS available to communicate with, because she IS home sometimes, as the OP has already stated. The fact that the OP has not demonstrated an attempt to knock on the door during those times when she knew the mom was home, is more concerning to me, than any of the rest of the story. Something isn't being told here, and the story gets more and more convoluted every time the OP responds.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
