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I've got a 27 month old, and he's just driving me utterly insane - this started probably before 18 months and gotten somewhat better as he got more verbal, but also worse in some ways as he's getting smarter and more stubborn. I know it's the terrible twos for a reason and all that - but I really feel like I've got it particularly bad with him because he's just so damn stubborn! Honestly, I could not believe a kid this age can be SO stubborn. I finally decided to type up this thread as I'm sitting here in tears myself, feeling helpless and like a terrible mom while he's watching a cartoon that I willingly put on - we usually never do cartoons in the morning, but it was the only way to stop him from wailing and preserve my sanity after our morning began with five! tantrums in under half an hour. Seriously, I just feel like I'm losing it and just don't know what to do with him. If I can't control a two year old, what's gonna happen when he's 5, 10, 15?
He completely ignores me, anything I say that he's not supposed to be doing he'll keep doing on purpose just to test me. Lately, he's also been flipping out on completely random occasions with things that he's been doing before with no problem. Today it was not wanting to take off pyjamas, then not wanting to get dressed, then wanting a cookie, not wanting to sit in his high chair, not wanting to eat breakfast when I put him at the regular table, then not wanting me to take the bowl away either, wanting his bib off then back on - etc etc etc. Each time this is accompanied by massive screaming sobbing fits. I've finally just broken down myself and sobbed on the couch. A bunch of the times it's like he doesn't even know what he wants himself. Any attempts to distract him or reason with him don't work - he just ignores me like I'm not even there. I swear the kid is way too damn smart - he KNOW perfectly well if something is a distraction attempt and he won't 'fall' for it; he also has an incredible memory for his age, so if he wants something - he's not gonna forget easily. If I try to hold him he'll push away. Ignoring it helps every once in a while if he gets distracted by something else, but a lot of times it doesn't - he'll just keep screaming till he hiccups or pukes or something. Over the last couple months he's regressed from the stuff he was already doing fine - he would feed himself nicely, take off his clothes, go on the potty when we put him on (though he wasn't asking to go yet). Now he does none of this. Dressing/undressing is a struggle, I've stopped even offering the potty as he'll just scream 'no!' and not go on it, and I can't leave him alone for a second with any food or even a sippy cup because he starts throwing everything on the ground and pouring it out - on purpose. He'll be doing it and going 'no no no, no throwing!' Outside he'll try to do dangerous things like start messing around on the stairs and when I tell him, no, you're gonna fall, he goes limp and throws himself down on purpose - really scary sometimes when you're in the middle of a concrete staircase. I know it's some kind of control thing and he's pushing his limits and all that - but how do I make sure this doesn't keep getting worse?? I'm completely exhausted and just at my wits end, which doesn't help because I end up behaving in all kinds of wrong ways myself which probably makes it worse - bribing him, giving in to demands, snapping, raising my voice, I've called him a bad boy and such even though I feel guilty and know you should never say things like that - i just snap and then regret it. I just don't know how to keep him in control without having constant screaming all the time, I feel like such a bad mom. Help!!!
I've got a 27 month old, and he's just driving me utterly insane - this started probably before 18 months and gotten somewhat better as he got more verbal, but also worse in some ways as he's getting smarter and more stubborn. I know it's the terrible twos for a reason and all that - but I really feel like I've got it particularly bad with him because he's just so damn stubborn! Honestly, I could not believe a kid this age can be SO stubborn. I finally decided to type up this thread as I'm sitting here in tears myself, feeling helpless and like a terrible mom while he's watching a cartoon that I willingly put on - we usually never do cartoons in the morning, but it was the only way to stop him from wailing and preserve my sanity after our morning began with five! tantrums in under half an hour. Seriously, I just feel like I'm losing it and just don't know what to do with him. If I can't control a two year old, what's gonna happen when he's 5, 10, 15?
He completely ignores me, anything I say that he's not supposed to be doing he'll keep doing on purpose just to test me. Lately, he's also been flipping out on completely random occasions with things that he's been doing before with no problem. Today it was not wanting to take off pyjamas, then not wanting to get dressed, then wanting a cookie, not wanting to sit in his high chair, not wanting to eat breakfast when I put him at the regular table, then not wanting me to take the bowl away either, wanting his bib off then back on - etc etc etc. Each time this is accompanied by massive screaming sobbing fits. I've finally just broken down myself and sobbed on the couch. A bunch of the times it's like he doesn't even know what he wants himself. Any attempts to distract him or reason with him don't work - he just ignores me like I'm not even there. I swear the kid is way too damn smart - he KNOW perfectly well if something is a distraction attempt and he won't 'fall' for it; he also has an incredible memory for his age, so if he wants something - he's not gonna forget easily. If I try to hold him he'll push away. Ignoring it helps every once in a while if he gets distracted by something else, but a lot of times it doesn't - he'll just keep screaming till he hiccups or pukes or something. Over the last couple months he's regressed from the stuff he was already doing fine - he would feed himself nicely, take off his clothes, go on the potty when we put him on (though he wasn't asking to go yet). Now he does none of this. Dressing/undressing is a struggle, I've stopped even offering the potty as he'll just scream 'no!' and not go on it, and I can't leave him alone for a second with any food or even a sippy cup because he starts throwing everything on the ground and pouring it out - on purpose. He'll be doing it and going 'no no no, no throwing!' Outside he'll try to do dangerous things like start messing around on the stairs and when I tell him, no, you're gonna fall, he goes limp and throws himself down on purpose - really scary sometimes when you're in the middle of a concrete staircase. I know it's some kind of control thing and he's pushing his limits and all that - but how do I make sure this doesn't keep getting worse?? I'm completely exhausted and just at my wits end, which doesn't help because I end up behaving in all kinds of wrong ways myself which probably makes it worse - bribing him, giving in to demands, snapping, raising my voice, I've called him a bad boy and such even though I feel guilty and know you should never say things like that - i just snap and then regret it. I just don't know how to keep him in control without having constant screaming all the time, I feel like such a bad mom. Help!!!
First of all, we all have days and months and maybe even years like this! You obviously have a smart, and strong willed child. I'm sure some people will chime in with good advice. I know there are books out there about "your spirited child" etc and they might be a good place to start. In any event, I just want to tell you that you're not a bad mother. You just can't give up. Figure out a plan to deal with these tantrums and stick to it. The more matter of fact you are about it, the less he is going to want to participate.
Secondly, he seems to need a lot of attention. Is there anything that you do with him that goes well? Like coloring, building blocks together, etc? You need to find something that you can "catch him being good" and give him lots of praise and attention.
((((((((HUGS))))))))) Hang in there EC. Sometimes they are SO strong willed and stubborn. He's working so hard to train you, you see! Sometimes it's just a flat-out battle of wills. My daughter has been going through the same thing with my grandson and many are the times she's had to say,...through her sobs, "Mom, I'm so upset right now. I just can't handle it Mom, I need you to go in there while I walk away for a minute. I'm honestly afraid of what I might do to him right now!"
Mind you, she would never hurt him, but it's a matter of knowing that you're at the point where you absolutely need to walk away and take a few deep breaths...in order to clear your head and decide what to do next. You got on here to ask others! Ridiculously enough, when GS pushes her to that point, all I have to do is walk in, calmly tell him what he is going to do, give him a kiss on the cheek, and he'll do exactly what he's told. WEIRD!... but they get so good, at such an early age, at know exactly which buttons to push.
Your little one is hoping that you'll simply melt down and give in to whatever he wants. Hang in there. You might actually have to buy a pair of earplugs while you're going through this phase. LOL
You are not a horrible mother. Your kid is a horrible beast of a child! Just Kidding! But tell me it doesn't feel like that some days? Raising kids requires skill like anything else. Gain skills, feel proud of your growth, and have a happy family!
Seriously I was where you are. It was when I finally smacked his little diapered bottom, and he looked up at me in fear and confusion that I started to study. The last two were really helpful. But I THINK I remember the first link being helpful during the toddler years.
((((Hugs)))) We have all been there. My children, at times, made me absolutely flipping insane. Know that you are not a bad mother, you are not alone, and that many of us have successfully raised strong willed children without pulling (all of) our hair out! Take a deep breath and maybe read some of the above mentioned books, to give some perspective and ideas. Good luck to you, and stop being so hard on yourself. One of my favorite quotes:
"We do the best we can with what we know, and when we know better, we do better" - Maya Angelou.
Basically ignore him when he has a fit, best thing ever. As you said he is testing you and is looking for the reaction. Let him have his little hissy fit, and walk out of the room while he does it. My mom went through the same thing with 5 kids, and it works every time.
Do you have a garden? When I had little ones, I had the most awesome, amazing, elaborate, phenomenal gardens...and there wasn't one single weed to be found. Ahhhhh pulling weeds can be so, so therapeutic when you have little ones. All of that agression and frustration, funnelled into something incredibly productive...sigh. Meanwhile, they're out there making mud pies, getting fresh air....wearing themselves out, no walls, etc. It's a win/win situation.
Again, hang in there. It's a battle of wills and there ARE going to be days when you bawl your eyes out and ask yourself, "What in the h*ll did I get myself into!!??" Then they fall asleep and you look at that precious little child and think, "I love you SO much. Tomorrow is going to be a better day....it IS." ...or they run up to you and say, "I love you soooooo much, Mommy"....or "Mommy? I wuv you." and your heart melts. ((((HUGS)))) Try to get rest....and remember, they're trying to learn how to be people, and they're learning about action=reaction. Be careful of your reactions. I know that's hard sometimes. Even as a grandma, I have to remember that! LOL
I second the Happiest Toddler on the Block. Was such an incredible lifesaver for me when my boy was that age and a bit more. That and a bottle of wine (for me, not the kid)
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(for me, not the kid)
