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I agree, so while she is screaming, having a tantrum, she will get pinched, so then there is a reason to scream, and until the tantrum stops, she gets pinched. simple as that.
BTW, my sons did get pinched, that is MY method, my house, my rule...my boys never pinched other children.
This makes me so sad. Resorting to inflicting pain on your child because you lack the.... something I am not sure what to eradicate this VERY easily eradicated behavior. Ouch.
Who cares if the neighbors hear her scream? They will get over it. Behavior that is reinforced with any attention, even negative attention, will continue.
The best response I've ever seen to a tantrum was dad throwing a tantrum. The boy must have been about 3 and was throwing a screaming fit in a store so dad laid down on the floor and had his own screaming kicking fit. When he was done, the boy was just standing there in utter, shocked, silence....WTG dad.
This makes me so sad. Resorting to inflicting pain on your child because you lack the.... something I am not sure what to eradicate this VERY easily eradicated behavior. Ouch.
Corporal punishment worked quite well for many, many generations. Perhaps the reason we have kids throwing screaming fits is we stopped using it.
They don't lack the ability to control the behavior. They lack incentive. When we were kids, if we bit someone, mom bit us back. We learned really fast not to bite. Ditto for hitting. We didn't throw tantrums. We knew mom wouldn't put up with it. Which, BTW, shows that we DID have the ...whatever it was we needed, to control the behavior. Funny how that works. When we knew the outcome would be unpleasant, we FOUND the ...whatever... to eradicate the behavior real fast.
If pinching a child stops the behavior, then they did have the ability to stop, otherwise pinching wouldn't work.
If pinching a child stops the behavior, then they did have the ability to stop, otherwise pinching wouldn't work.
Simply stopping the behavior is an inadequate goal, in my opinion. Slavery was in existence for centuries upon centuries. That does not make it good or right. That humanity has been cruel and stupid for a long time does not a good argument make.
I have a daughter, age 3.5 years, that if she doesn't get her way, she gets mad and sometimes screams at the top of her lungs. She does this in retaliation for being disciplined. Her screams are ear piercing.
When disciplined, it's usually either being put in the corner (time out) or I confiscate something of hers. Just yesterday afternoon I told her to finish up eating her chips because it was time for her nap. (she needs naps or she'll keep us up all night long) She procrastinated and finally after 5 minutes of her playing instead of eating, I took away her chips (which were really just a few crumbs in the bag by then). That's when she lost it.
When I was a child back in the 1980's if I ever acted this way, I would be flogged with a leather belt like a slave. That was enough to put the fear of God in me to not retaliate against my parents.
However I know in this day and age, it would mean losing my child, so I'm not about to go there.
I'm tempted to ignore my daughter when she lashes out and let her scream her head off. I figure she's starving for attention, and if I ignore her, then she will come to realize that screaming does nothing, not even gaining negative attention.
Good idea? Or is there a better idea?
I also think it is great that you are choosing not to parent the way that you were. I also think you may want to consider that you may be over-frustrating your child. Not every situation requires a punishment. I'm surprised at some of the suggestions you are getting here, pinching, isolation, etc. None of these are going to help raise an emotionally mature child. Think of all the things we want our kids to be - patient, flexible, calm, emotionally intelligent. But often what we model as parents is rigidness and a desire for immediate compliance. If your child feels they are constantly under pressure and failing at even the small things, that can be the trigger for these tantrums.
Every once in a while we all have to 'lower the boom', but if it becomes too frequent, then daily life becomes more of a battle ground and tantrums become the norm. They don't have to be. Now, none of this means that discipline goes out the window - it doesn't. It just means that using a less punitive approach may be what your child responds best to.
So if its ok to pinch your child when they act out or do something they're not supposed to, I guess that gives your husband/wife to pinch or hit you then when you dont do your house work or yard work, right? If its good for the kids, it should be good for you.
I also think it is great that you are choosing not to parent the way that you were. I also think you may want to consider that you may be over-frustrating your child. Not every situation requires a punishment. I'm surprised at some of the suggestions you are getting here, pinching, isolation, etc. None of these are going to help raise an emotionally mature child. Think of all the things we want our kids to be - patient, flexible, calm, emotionally intelligent. But often what we model as parents is rigidness and a desire for immediate compliance. If your child feels they are constantly under pressure and failing at even the small things, that can be the trigger for these tantrums.
Every once in a while we all have to 'lower the boom', but if it becomes too frequent, then daily life becomes more of a battle ground and tantrums become the norm. They don't have to be. Now, none of this means that discipline goes out the window - it doesn't. It just means that using a less punitive approach may be what your child responds best to.
Beautifully stated!!!!!!!
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