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So all we need to do is tell all the people in Prison that :You are not what yourparents are/were or what they said you are/were.( this is great coming from very well balanced people who grew up in normal healthy mom and dad families ).... I feel so much better now, after the verbal, emotional, and physical abuse from stepfath** and alcoholic father who hated the entire clan of my mother's side and grew to hate my mother for walking out on him when I was 2 or 3; then would rant and rage at the supper table with moi. I wound up growing up with a mom moving to Vegas who did not know what exactly she wanted in life and then eventually marries a guy resolved not to be single forever. She dies at age 47 of cancer. The 2 of them put a plate in front of me, no seconds, they were in their own world and ignored me emotionally. I move in my "dad" who could not fathom the responsibility of raising a kid even though he made outstanding money by today's standards. I left the house as soon as I graduated from H.S. Did not even go to the prom, as I was such a wreck. Sought solice in getting as much education as I could. ( it is O.K. to vent on this forum isnt it ???? ......... Hope this prevents others from Screwing Up Their Babies to be. )
I am so sorry for what you went through. Telling people the above bolded is not enough. The person who went through it needs to actually come to believe it for him/herself. It can be done, I've seen it (I was a therapist) - it is incredibly hard work to come to see it as the past and to work towards freedom from its repercussions. I truly hope you are able to do so.
And sometimes parents do everything right and raise their children in amazing and wonderful, loving environments and they still come out screwed up. I've seen it happen in my family and friends families. I've also seen it the other way, horrible parenting, great children and adults. Its really a crap shoot. People have minds of their own and can make their own choices in life whether good or bad.
Alot of the time it isn't bad parenting at all, its bad choices.
Last edited by Flamingomo; 04-23-2012 at 09:11 AM..
I doubt you will find the parents this is targeted at on the CD parenting forum.
True.... the type of parents that the OP is talking about don't often hang out on parenting support/advice forums, I wouldn't think...
To OP - what you went thru sounds horrible. Have you considered or are you getting some sort of help in moving past what happened to you as a child before it also ruins your adult life?
So all we need to do is tell all the people in Prison that :You are not what yourparents are/were or what they said you are/were. ( this is great coming from very well balanced people who grew up in normal healthy mom and dad families ).... I feel so much better now, after the verbal, emotional, and physical abuse from stepfath** and alcoholic father who hated the entire clan of my mother's side and grew to hate my mother for walking out on him when I was 2 or 3; then would rant and rage at the supper table with moi. I wound up growing up with a mom moving to Vegas who did not know what exactly she wanted in life and then eventually marries a guy resolved not to be single forever. She dies at age 47 of cancer. The 2 of them put a plate in front of me, no seconds, they were in their own world and ignored me emotionally. I move in my "dad" who could not fathom the responsibility of raising a kid even though he made outstanding money by today's standards. I left the house as soon as I graduated from H.S. Did not even go to the prom, as I was such a wreck. Sought solice in getting as much education as I could. ( it is O.K. to vent on this forum isnt it ???? ......... Hope this prevents others from Screwing Up Their Babies to be. )
You need to acknowledge and help yourself. I grew up with a verbally and emotionally abusive father and a cold, uninterested mother. My father abused alcohol terribly. My siblings and I were given little to no life direction or lessons.
I went to therapy for quite a few years. I am not what my parents said I was and I take ownership of my life. No one will tell me who I am, except for me.
To be quite honest, I am in the medical field. Finished Pre Med, got several health care certs. What I have seen in the hospital setting and what I know of professionals, from careful grilling, makes me shun professional help. I realized one day about a year or two ago that all the real answers I could ever hope to get - came from confronting an uncle, my mother's brother ( about why they did not step in when my mom was dating my dad, and the entire family did NOT like him ) who was also aloof and distant. Shoot, here I am a needy touchy feely ( my lot in life ) kind of person who was given a big family tree of non-touchy feely distant relations; go figure. Anyway, this uncle and his wife brought a lot of answers to my past. Much more valuable than any arm chair pipe smoking Fruedian psych could do. I have turned to YHWH God and Jesus Christ for my solace and comfort. I am not saying that Psychs cannot help others..... I am also wanting to state that as even early as a nineteen year old, with no background of family to show compassion, discussion, words of wisdom, communication of any real kind, direction - I literally sought out older, senior people for the burning questions that I needed help with. Simple things, like how something works, why is this like this..... "could you please help me?" I did happen to run into very helpful and safe human beings. I was Sooooooooooo Naive for a very long time. It is so very painful to remember all the gross stupid business descisions I fell prey to later on in life . If there were ever times I felt like suicide it would be after all the financial preditors I ran into. And this was not any money that I inherited. It was dear money that I earned. Oh, the financial preditors, that is one of the things that push me off the edge. And people that I trust to build something and take the money and run.
To be quite honest, I am in the medical field. Finished Pre Med, got several health care certs. What I have seen in the hospital setting and what I know of professionals, from careful grilling, makes me shun professional help. I realized one day about a year or two ago that all the real answers I could ever hope to get - came from confronting an uncle, my mother's brother ( about why they did not step in when my mom was dating my dad, and the entire family did NOT like him ) who was also aloof and distant. Shoot, here I am a needy touchy feely ( my lot in life ) kind of person who was given a big family tree of non-touchy feely distant relations; go figure. Anyway, this uncle and his wife brought a lot of answers to my past. Much more valuable than any arm chair pipe smoking Fruedian psych could do. I have turned to YHWH God and Jesus Christ for my solace and comfort. I am not saying that Psychs cannot help others..... I am also wanting to state that as even early as a nineteen year old, with no background of family to show compassion, discussion, words of wisdom, communication of any real kind, direction - I literally sought out older, senior people for the burning questions that I needed help with. Simple things, like how something works, why is this like this..... "could you please help me?" I did happen to run into very helpful and safe human beings. I was Sooooooooooo Naive for a very long time. It is so very painful to remember all the gross stupid business descisions I fell prey to later on in life . If there were ever times I felt like suicide it would be after all the financial preditors I ran into. And this was not any money that I inherited. It was dear money that I earned. Oh, the financial preditors, that is one of the things that push me off the edge. And people that I trust to build something and take the money and run.
I'm glad you have been able to find some solace and some safe people, and that you were able to get some resolution by talking with your family. Totally cool that therapy is not your thing - just wanted to say that in a hospital/medical setting, one is more likely to encounter those trained in an old school psychoanalytic (aka Freudian) or psychodynamic approach that is less common in other settings, where cognitive behavioral, behavioral, interpersonal and other evidence-based therapies are more likely to be practiced. IME, the different sets of approaches draw vastly different types of professionals and are experienced very differently by clients. (We don't all suck! ) I think a lot of it comes down to the goodness-of-fit. Nothing wrong with finding your own way to deal with things, either. Good luck to you.
thinking that this other person is going to make me happy and then thinking, maybe if I have some babies, I will be happy. Or maybe if I have some babies, it will hold the marriage together. That is what I heard from my uncle and aunt years later when I asked them how this awful marriage of my mom and dad went off the cliff.
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) I think a lot of it comes down to the goodness-of-fit. Nothing wrong with finding your own way to deal with things, either. Good luck to you.
And how many adults run into marriage
