Alcohol at children's birthday parties (video, generations, city, hit)

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by AnnaNomus

I don't think people are really defending drinking here. For most, it is a non issue, not a big deal, and certainly something we can do without with no problem. But the original question was "would you serve alcohol at a kid's birthday party" to which some of us who don't have a problem with alcohol one way or another answered, yes, we would. For that, we were accused of being alcoholic, neglectful parents, accused of getting smashed in front of our kids and ruining their special day, accused of having alcoholic family members, of being selfish parents who care more about getting drunk at any opportunity than about our kids. All because what...we said we wouldn't have a problem SERVING alcohol to other responsible ADULTS at a party.

My dd's 1st, 2nd, and 3rd birthday parties were family affairs at home. There was wine served to the adults that wanted some. No one had too much and no one got drunk, and although I served it I didn't drink any. The kids were having a good time and could care less what was in the adult's glasses. The 4th and 5th were at venues where it woudn't have been appropriate. But what I serve to adults in my own home is my business, and it doesn't make me a binge drinker, an alcoholic, or any other ridiculousness that people have been accused of here.

It's not alcohol or drinking that is being defended. These have been rather personal attacks to our character and parenting, and that's what the defensiveness is about. Like you, most people here are not heavy drinkers and alcohol at a party or none is not relevant. But no one appreciates being attacked and judged, no matter what their position is.

This. There are some people in desperate need of someone to attack others. With them it's an all-or-nothing proposition. I guess they can't fathom the notion of someone enjoying one beer or one glass of wine and being done. I mean, if you don't want to serve alcohol at your kid's birthday party, knock yourself out. But don't sit there and cluck your tongue if I hand the grownups a coldie at ours. It makes you a bad guest.

[randomparent]

Apparently, some took offense to my post (quoted below). I want to apologize if it seemed I was taking the stance that I am a more responsible parent than one who drinks socially. Please know that was not at all my intent. And if you spend five minutes with my youngest, you'd understand my fear of emergencies comment!

I will bow out now. Obviously, this is a very tender subject. Sorry to have created more difficulty.

Originally Posted by randomparent

As a certifiable control freak (but a nice one ), I'm always nervous that one of my kids will need an emergency appendectomy and that I won't be at my best when then need me (shades of my father), so no alcohol for us at birthday parties or otherwise. My husband and I have had many conversations about responsible drinking with our kids because they see other adults consume alcohol. I tell them that their father and I abstain because we are responsible for their welfare and even a little alcohol impairs our judgement, which is true since we very rarely drink. I do not expect that other people will abstain in our presence, but I don't feel any particular obligation to provide their alcohol for them when I host a social event. Plus, because drinking is not the norm for us, I'd forget to buy it anyway.

[AnnaNomus]

Originally Posted by randomparent

Apparently, some took offense to my post (quoted below). I want to apologize if it seemed I was taking the stance that I am a more responsible parent than one who drinks socially. Please know that was not at all my intent. And if you spend five minutes with my youngest, you'd understand my fear of emergencies comment!

Actually, randomparent, I had no problem at all with your post and it made perfect sense. You simply stated your opinion without attacking or accusing anyone else. There are some FAR more extreme views on here that kind of rubbed me the wrong way, yours was definitely not one of them, so no apologies necessary.

[Magritte25]

Originally Posted by JustJulia

I think some people are taking a statement like "This is what I would do" and inferring it to mean "Everybody should do what I do, because my way is the right way." React to what people say, not what you believe they are implying ... or if you're not sure, ask!

That's not what Oleg Bach is saying though.

[FinsterRufus]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

This. There are some people in desperate need of someone to attack with their pietistic views. With them it's an all-or-nothing proposition. I guess they can't fathom the notion of someone enjoying one beer or one glass of wine and being done.

Actually, generally speaking, people that can't fathom enjoying one beer or glass of wine and being done are alcoholics. Just sayin'.

It's a perfectly normal idea to most, otherwise.

[JustJulia]

Originally Posted by Magritte25

That's not what Oleg Bach is saying though.

Yes, there are a few people in this thread (on both "sides") who seem to enjoy being inflammatory.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by JustJulia

Yes, there are a few people in this thread (on both "sides") who seem to enjoy being inflammatory.

You think?

[AJBarney]

Originally Posted by JustJulia

Yes, there are a few people in this thread (on both "sides") who seem to enjoy being inflammatory.

I can't read all this hoo-hah without a drink. I'll be right back.

[Finger Laker]

Originally Posted by PoppySead

I would be what you call an occasional drinker. One or two a year. I can't drink two in a row without feeling it. No way.

No - you are simply not a drinker

If you have 1 or 2 a year and can't drink a pair without it knocking you down it's a good thing that you don't drink

At least you know that about yourself

However, don't project yourself onto others or feel the need to believe that is the common thought for others

You can't tolerate it ... that's fine ..... it's probably part of the reason why you don't drink more

Everyone has different biology

Originally Posted by PoppySead

Being a weekend drinker isn't much different than a daily drinker. Try again.
People who drink less than a couple of drinks a year don't care about drinking at a child's party or anywhere else for that matter. It's a non issue.

I wouldn't make it an issue, I don't drink enough to care!!

Actually there is a difference ... one would happen 1-2x per week ... the other 7x per week

If you can't see that difference, I don't know what to tell you

There are also differences in amounts

The nuance in this topic could very well blow your mind

If you have someone who drinks 1-2x per year ... but drinks to the point where they have to seek medical treatment that "occasional drinker" would be much worse than that "daily drinker" who has a glass of wine at night with their meal on 280 evenings

Also, it's quite obvious that you do care ...... you don't care if it's provided for you, but you certainly have an issue if others are partaking and it's provided for them

It's just the opposite side of the same coin

On one end you have the extreme over reactive person who won't go if there isn't alcohol

On the opposite end you have the extreme over reactive person who thinks it's a horrible thing if adults have a single drink

Originally Posted by PoppySead

What's pathetic is seeing people say they are occasional drinkers but can have a few at a random party suffer no effect and think it's prejudice to limit it around a kids party. I don't take it as realistic, IMO, drinkers want to drink and occasional drinkers don't really care. You drink, so what, stop trying to shade the issue with this occasional stuff. It's confusing. What is the guilt about? If you don't find a problem with it, then just have a kids bday party with adults drinking. Your preference.

Again with completely arbitrary labels ...... not sure what the label "drinker" even means

I drink water, soda, beer, wine, whiskey, lemonaide, iced tea, coffee, milk and a whole bunch of other things ..... I'm definitely a drinker

I think we are all drinkers ...... if we weren't we would be dead

The nuance is what you drink and how much you drink of it

You can kill yourself by drinking too much water - yet it is essential to life

It comes back to nuance and having a spectrum

You still have the false assumption that there is guilt - there is none - absolutely nada

You also have this misunderstanding that "drinkers want to drink" or that it's prejudice to limit it at a kids party.

Again, I don't think the vast majority of what you would call "drinkers" care if it's present or not

It's just that they aren't buying into the given reasons to prohibit it - mainly that having a couple drinks turns you into a zombie

There is a difference there

Again it's nuance

I don't care if a kids party has alcohol or not

I don't care if someone has a belief that it should be served or not

I don't care if someone provides it

I don't care if someone prohibits it

What I do care about is someone telling me I can't have a couple beers if it's provided because it will make me neglectful, it will take away from the kids and the people who provide it are irresponsible

It's a logic gap that simply cannot be filled

Originally Posted by PoppySead

Don't pretend you don't drink but care if people think it's not ok at a kids party. That is weird, IMO. It's a non issue. Why would you care if you don't care about having a drink? It doesn't make sense. Why would people who hardly drink care about promoting it's meaning at a party for kids?
I can see why those against it would promote one without it. That does make sense.

Again, this doesn't make sense to you because it's not a position anyone is taking

I think you are too caught up in "promoting" behaviors and are way overthinking this.

Running down the wrong rabbit hole time and again

I have yet to see anyone make this argument that they do not drink yet care that it's not offered .... so really there is nothing to respond to

Originally Posted by PoppySead

You can try and convince me but I'm just not that into it. I don't drink enough a year to care at all. So I wouldn't bother. It's a non issue. I can skip a couple of drinks a year without an issue.
I can go to a non junk food, vegetarians bday party as well, non issue. We don't mind skipping cola, cake or the like. No issue at all. The last thing I'd do was start defending junk food. Why would I? It isn't healthy. It's not healthy to drink or smoke either. Is that something people are really unaware of in 2012? I doubt it.

Again, you obviously care about the topic

Also, you still hold this false assumption that people cannot skip a couple drinks or go to a party that doesn't have alcohol if they drink

No one is saying that there are items that aren't healthy

Just keeping things in perspective that there is a wide spectrum between "healthy" and "harmful to death"

===========

As a final aside I'll throw my own anecdote out there

I've been to 3 kids parties this month (including one I hosted)

The crowd has been primarily the same people as far as the "friends" component with the family obviously being different

1 of the 3 had alcohol - mine did not

In fact, I've yet to host a party for my kids that did have alcohol

It's obvious that since myself and my friends did go to the party that had alcohol and did have a couple of drinks there that we are "drinkers"

Yet, at the 2 parties that didn't have any there wasn't a single complaint, objection or no-show

Same people went to the same parties and did essentially the same things

The one I went to this weekend was at the house of probably the heaviest drinker amongst us and didn't have a drop present ..... again, it wasn't a big deal to anyone

That's the point

It's presence isn't a big deal

However, if it is present there is no need to avoid it at all costs

It's simply a drink option if available and that is how most of us who do not have an issue with it on this thread feel

We do not make a fuss if it isn't there ..... however, we will not make a fuss if it is

I know people who serve coffee after every meal ..... if i'm at their place I'll usually have a cup with them ....... however, if i'm at someone elses house with them we wouldn't demand that people make us coffee .... if it was available though we wouldn't refuse and there would be no reason to not drink it

It would be akin to getting upset that someone offered coke, root beer & sprite ... but neglected diet coke, which I love (this is merely an example - I really do not love diet coke.........)

[violetree]

Originally Posted by eastwesteastagain

That's interesting to me. I'm not sure what years we're talking about, but thinking back to times in my grandparents' lifetime (Greatest Generation) where people regularly drank while pregnant, before driving, etc. or my parents' lifetime (Boomers) when the drinking age was 18, there was much less research on the potential damaging effects of some types of alcohol consumption and (to the best of my knowledge) no campaigns to discourage underage drinking, drunk driving, etc. I would have thought that there is a lot more awareness in present time of potential negative outcomes of overindulgence/penalties for drinking illegally/interactions of alcohol with medications, etc. You've inspired me to go see what I can find in the literature on this topic...I'll report back if I can find anything.

Good luck with THAT! I know what 'statistics' and 'studies' claim. But how about samples of these surveys too, so we can analyze these studies in detail. The word 'studies' seems to be synonymous with 'truth' these. days. I do read these surveys and studies, but not sure I believe all this self-reporting. Sounds like some kids may lie, saying that to adults... so we need to look more closely.
I was referring to my high school experience... I know that isn't to say it wasn't going on but it was a minority of the population. That isn't to say people weren't talking about things like alcohol, parties or drugs-but the actual number going out and doing these things seemed far less.
And never witnessed my parents, grandparents, friends' parents etc; etc; ..today, 20 years later, much different.
Maybe your experience was different? Still, will check back to see if you find anything interesting.