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If you financially help kids over 18, do you keep track so that it is even between them? Do your kids keep track?
We helped our kids get through school without student loans but when our son decided to get PhD we helped him out more than our daughter who only did 1 year of graduate work. As far as I know daughter was not jealous about that but she did mention it in a conversation one time. But after formal education is finished I don't feel compelled to assist any further----unless some catastrophic medical issue came into their lives. We still have 2 younger ones at home to educate.
I think it should depend on the need. If your sons career requires a Phd for any type of real jobs such as anthropology for instance then a parent helping out should be understood. However if someone is getting it just to get it then no i think they should find funding or their own. And yes kids will notices, whether there is any resentment or not that i guess depends on the situation.
No I completely disagree. I married a man with 3 pre teens who lived primarily with their mother. He was deep in debt when we married but through hard work and mainly my money management skills we are in a very comfortable position now with 4 kids of our own. The ex wife married as well.
I upped the child support once we got married because frankly I could see she was struggling. We made our last child support payment in June and had our first child in August. Large age difference between the kids. We helped somewhat with one of the kids at 26 when she got into some legal problems but there was no way any more money was going to them after we got our family going.
Our wills are written so that our estate goes to our 4 children. Doesn't mean we don't love his "kids"- the oldest is now 51 but our estate comes from our own work and my own inheritances. Of course they do not expect one red cent from us so this will not come as a surprise.
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Originally Posted by no kudzu
Really? The youngest of his 3 children was 18 when our first was born. The oldest is 51 and we have 2 still in grade school. A great deal of our assets came to me from my inheritances and you think I should leave adult step children any money when I have 2 still in grade school? These 3 are all doing just great now and haven't asked for or received any financial assistance in many years. Believe me we took great care of them while they were minors, pitched in for weddings, rehearsal dinners, and emergency car repairs. I would be shocked if they even thought they were entitled to anything at all from us.
It is partially your husbands money from his work. I don't see why his 3 kids wouldn't be entitled to some of it any less than the 4 you had together. Perhaps your inheritance should go to your 4, but I don't understand why the steps are being left out completely; unless of course you mean simply because yours are so young now. If anything should happen to you, they'd need to be financially supported until adulthood. Apart from that, I don't understand.
I have multiple masters degrees and a salary that allows me to live pretty comfortably. I have an older sibling that has a civil service job and probably makes about $35k a year. My mom bought her a used car, pays the insurance and pays when anything breaks. If there was some unforeseen expensive my mother would pay it. It doesn't bother me at all.
Really? The youngest of his 3 children was 18 when our first was born. The oldest is 51 and we have 2 still in grade school. A great deal of our assets came to me from my inheritances and you think I should leave adult step children any money when I have 2 still in grade school? These 3 are all doing just great now and haven't asked for or received any financial assistance in many years. Believe me we took great care of them while they were minors, pitched in for weddings, rehearsal dinners, and emergency car repairs. I would be shocked if they even thought they were entitled to anything at all from us.
Entitled isn't the right word but as a first child, my father made sure that part of HIS estate went to me. I completely understand making sure what is YOURS and an EQUAL portion of what is his goes to your mutual children but it is very sad to me that his adult children are not given consideration for any part of his estate.
My grandma gave way more to my aunt than to my dad. I don't really see "she needed it more" is a justification. She made her choices. Her lot in life is 100% her fault. It's like rewarding poor decision making.
Okay...me for example...right now I have a daughter in college, she gets support...I have one son who makes over $100,000 a year...he does not need anything. One who makes $65k, he is doing fine too....and one who makes less than $30k a year....yes...I do help out the one who makes less...I don't tell anyone..but they probably know. What is good about my kids...is that they don't bicker or have jealousy...and the one who makes the most....he has helped out his siblings as well.
I assume if your $100K earner needed help, you would help him as well. Right? If so, that is a different situation IMO.
Really? The youngest of his 3 children was 18 when our first was born. The oldest is 51 and we have 2 still in grade school. A great deal of our assets came to me from my inheritances and you think I should leave adult step children any money when I have 2 still in grade school? These 3 are all doing just great now and haven't asked for or received any financial assistance in many years. Believe me we took great care of them while they were minors, pitched in for weddings, rehearsal dinners, and emergency car repairs. I would be shocked if they even thought they were entitled to anything at all from us.
I think leaving HIS money to your children but not any to his is a pretty crappy thing to do.
My grandma gave way more to my aunt than to my dad. I don't really see "she needed it more" is a justification. She made her choices. Her lot in life is 100% her fault. It's like rewarding poor decision making.
Agree unless there are health issues or other uncontrollable factors. 3 girls in my family two of us went to college worked hard and are self sufficient and so are our adult children.There were times we struggled but didn't think it was our parents responsibility to support us.
Other one always has financial issues constantly "borrowing" money from our Mom and so is her daughter. Do I resent it yes!
Wish my Mom would just stop giving them money it is enabling bad behavior.
Our policy has been helping to the best of our ability through undergrad. Beyond that, no.
Also, I am against screwing the most together child out of their inheritance bcause they are less needy than the least together child.
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