the daughter-in-law gets the blame (mother-in-law, parent, girls, son)
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Every so often we hear of a parent whose birthday was forgotten, Father's Day/ Mother's Day is forgotten etc. The DIL is the who is blamed and the son is let off. Why is that? It seems that if we socialized boys to be close to their families and accepted the fact that they have different priorities once they move out, most of the MIL/DIL problems won't exist. I'm a man so I really don't understand why there is a conflict.
I think it's because in most families it's the women who keep everyone connected. So, if MIL doesn't get a card, she blames DIL because she is the one who should remind husband.
I don't believe in this myself, but this is what my Mom said to me when I asked her why I was always reminding my husband to call his Mom, Grandma, daughters etc..
If my birthday is not acknowledged, trust me, it isn't my DIL I will be ticked at. My brothers handle all the correspondence for our side of the family, so I expect the same from my sons. I'm pretty low maintenance though, a phone call will suffice.
I admit to sending reminders to the boys though. Their grandmother's birthday was this past week, and they all got a text message letting them know the date, and her cell #. I will do the same for my husband's birthday. I don't necessarily expect them to be on top of the dates, just to act once they get the reminder.
I don't really fully understand it either. My DH grew up with his family and has stronger ties with them then I do. I feel that he is an adult and that he can handle his relationships with them on his own. I do remind him of birthdays, etc. but I still get blamed if we aren't somehow living up to their unstated expectations. It's a frustrating position to be in.
Sound like his family has the same mentality as my Mom. I don't get it either. I'm not my husband keeper and if he doesn't want to call his mom, who am I to make him?
Every so often we hear of a parent whose birthday was forgotten, Father's Day/ Mother's Day is forgotten etc. The DIL is the who is blamed and the son is let off. Why is that? It seems that if we socialized boys to be close to their families and accepted the fact that they have different priorities once they move out, most of the MIL/DIL problems won't exist. I'm a man so I really don't understand why there is a conflict.
It isn't /wasn't this way in our family.
That being said, MIL didn't really allow anyone to forget about Mother's Day and Father's Day....as it was practically mandatory to attend the gatherings they had on those days....never mind if you wanted to make plans with your own side of the family.
MIL/DIL problems go deeper than just a forgotten bday card. In my own experiences, I got along with MIL as long as I acted in such a way she agreed with. If I ever wanted to assert myself or say no to something...then there was trouble.
We don't have that problem in my family. I did a decent job of keeping in touch with my family. All of my kids do, at least with me. I've found that no news is good news.
My mother says "You know how boys are." She has two sets of rules, one for the girls and another for the boy....WTH!
My mother-in-law is of that philosophy as well. She feels it is the woman's responsibility. Fortunately for her, I get her birthday/mother's day cards because I want to.
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