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Maybe my outlook on life is more pessimistic or realistic than some... but i just think the negative experience in life outweigh the positive. For a relatively normal, healthy human being, you spend 5 days out of 7 at work. Throw in a modest dose of financial stress, sexual frustration, and dieting/weight control efforts. Maybe i need to talk to a therapist or something, but i just don't see the majority of life as fun and something that i would want someone else to experience.
You have to CHOOSE how to live your life. If you spend 5 out of 7 days at work, why not work at something you enjoy or at least find rewarding? Healthy life style can be a very fun and rewarding choice including all manner of fitness activities that are FUN. Even something like fishing, with tackle carrying, line hauling... My arms are SORE. There is a book called SAVOR about mindful eating that can be really helpful for changing not just your habits but your attitudes about food. Etcetera and on and on.
So yes I agree that your outlook on life is massively pessimistic. And a therapist might be able to help you!
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And then this is only an "average", relatively good scenario. As mentioned above, there is always the possibility of your kids having serious birth defects and health problems.
Ipfan921....we absolutely WANTED to have our children.....and I'm very thankful to my parents that they had me and my brothers and sisters....You're right when you say that there are a lot of negative experiences in life...but I feel that the positives outway that........for most of us life is what you make it....I feel that life IS about giving life...and nurturing it....(nothing compares to raising babes to become thoughtful, compassionate adults)....the satisfaction is immense...life can be very good if you believe it....joy can be found in the simplest of things...
You have to CHOOSE how to live your life. If you spend 5 out of 7 days at work, why not work at something you enjoy or at least find rewarding? Healthy life style can be a very fun and rewarding choice including all manner of fitness activities that are FUN. Even something like fishing, with tackle carrying, line hauling... My arms are SORE. There is a book called SAVOR about mindful eating that can be really helpful for changing not just your habits but your attitudes about food. Etcetera and on and on.
So yes I agree that your outlook on life is massively pessimistic. And a therapist might be able to help you!
With their challenge, so too come their rewards.
or, if that isn't feasible, see work as a means to an end. Working is a way to make money to spend on the things you enjoy.
I saw it as a sign of hope to bring children into this "cruel, painful" world. We wanted to try to raise children who might do some good while they are here.
Think of the great people throughout time who have brought positive change to this earth. What if they're parents had thought, "I don't know. It looks like a lot of work."
If that really is your outlook, it would not be good for you to have kids. But therapy could help you see some joy in life.
I am not a parent. I guess i am wondering what makes people choose to bring kids into this painful and unfair world. Do you truly WANT to have kids? Or do you just feel that it is your duty in life to procreate and raise offspring?
I hope no parents find this offensive... i just cannot imagine wanting to bring kids into this world. First of all, being a parent seems like a LOT of work... secondly, i don't see why i would want to ever create new people and spend my days watching them suffer the hardships of life. I am considering getting snipped, as i think i would feel guilty if i created a new person to suffer through life. Plenty of people have it worse than i do, but my life has not been peaches and cream. i think most people could probably say the same about their life experiences. It would make me sad and guilty to watch other people that i created go through life's sufferings.
In an era in which birth control is readily available, i guess i just do not understand why people choose to have kids... unless you feel a certain religious or societal obligation, command from God, etc.
I would be interested to hear some thoughts on this.
I believe that as a means for survival of the species, nature has instilled into each human the atavistic desire to breed. In these enlightened times, however, we have learned that or biology need not be our destiny and we have the capability to choose our path in life rather than being dictated to by our primitive urges.
For some raising children is a very rewarding activity. And some people (well, few, actually) are quite good at it.
As long as a family has the means and desire to reproduce, I don't have a problem with it. It's not my thing, however.
Maybe my outlook on life is more pessimistic or realistic than some... but i just think the negative experience in life outweigh the positive. For a relatively normal, healthy human being, you spend 5 days out of 7 at work. Throw in a modest dose of financial stress, sexual frustration, and dieting/weight control efforts. Maybe i need to talk to a therapist or something, but i just don't see the majority of life as fun and something that i would want someone else to experience.
Definitely NOT realistic!
Sounds like you are severely depressed and need medical help!
OP, your outlook is definitely on the grim side. Children are not generally suffering and miserable, in fact, they can find joy and happiness in the simplest of things. Just kid things like running, playing, riding a bike, swinging on a swing, or cuddling with mom to read a book can bring so much happiness to a child. Throw into that an occasional trip to the water park or zoo...you have one estatic child on your hands! Having a child for me is a way to relive the simple joys of childhood. Is it frustrating and difficult at times? Yes, absolutely. But the joy she brings is well worth and far outweighs the hardship. As parents, we strive to bring up happy, well adjusted kids, who will grow into adults that know how to appreciate the good in life and enjoy it. I don't think there are any parents on this forum who just felt obligated to reproduce, and expect their children to suffer and be unhappy. That is a very depressing outlook, and I agree that some counseling may help with that. Good luck.
OP, your outlook is definitely on the grim side. Children are not generally suffering and miserable, in fact, they can find joy and happiness in the simplest of things. Just kid things like running, playing, riding a bike, swinging on a swing, or cuddling with mom to read a book can bring so much happiness to a child. Throw into that an occasional trip to the water park or zoo...you have one estatic child on your hands! Having a child for me is a way to relive the simple joys of childhood. Is it frustrating and difficult at times? Yes, absolutely. But the joy she brings is well worth and far outweighs the hardship. As parents, we strive to bring up happy, well adjusted kids, who will grow into adults that know how to appreciate the good in life and enjoy it. I don't think there are any parents on this forum who just felt obligated to reproduce, and expect their children to suffer and be unhappy. That is a very depressing outlook, and I agree that some counseling may help with that. Good luck.
^^^^AnnaNomus..You got it, VERY well said! Having my daughter was an absolute miracle in my life, saved my life brought me out of a life of darkness, when my boy came into our life, another absolute blessing. To raise children, is by all means extremely trying and frustrating at times(Idon't think any parent would disagree), but the rewards are unable to be compared to any other joy that is known. Yes, hardships come and so do joys...it has a lot to do with how you look at things. My boy has definitly been though some very harsh things in his almost 17 years of life, my daughter and I have gone through times as well, but we learn, we grow and we learn endurance and patience!
Romans 8:28 says "And we know that God causes everything to work together [fn] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." We choose to live by faith, instead of by this world, which can be a total "downer".
I wouldn't say that most people have children from obligation, but instead for the sake of love, hope and joy!
OP, I'd say that a good dose of faith and therapy would/could do you a great deal of good...that is if you allow both to really sink in! Best wishes & God bless!!
(From a non-parent-by-choice here). Of course there is no obligation. There is an obligation to do your best to raise a child if you choose to have it, whether in or out of marriage. I personally believe the biologic imperative is to have sex, and reproduction is a side effect built in. After all, all sorts of people who do not want to or cannot have children have sex, right?
Now, about not bringing children into a world to suffer, etc., it's been my observation that if people want to be parents (or think they do) then they have kids regardless of the state of the world. Sometimes they do it because they want to re-do childhood and get it right. Sometimes this works. Often it doesn't.
Having children is a choice. Not having them is the default.
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