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So I take it you agree that the roommate trying to humiliate his roommate was just another "boys will be boys" kind of silly prank. Anything goes as long as you can write it off to a boys will be boys.
No. I think being jerky to each other is bad and wrong.
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It can be a teachable moment. You want to teach the victims that they must suck it up and tolerate abuse, but I believe the bully needs to be taught right and wrong. Keep in mind the victim didn't assault anyone, didn't bully anyone, didn't do anything wrong -- so why is he the one that must be taught a harsh lesson?
OP: Can you get the police involved? This is assault as far as I am concerned. Okay, maybe police is going too far. But this lack of appropriate punishment is ridiculous. He's going to be the hero of the school and all he had to pay was two days of suspension???
I've seen many a kid get suspended for two days over tardies or not attending detention.
ya, good luck with that. I really hate this mentality that the schools are the enemy. If that's how you feel, you should be paying for private school anyway. I also don't agree with switching schools at the first sign of a problem. Kids need to be taught to face problems and deal with them, not run away every time something doesn't go their way.
The OP came back and said what she did. No lawyers, no switching schools, and she and son are satisfied with the outcome. Proof that cops and lawyers and outrage and overreaction aren't necessary.
I'm usually the first one to defend public schools but the school is the problem if they see this as such a small thing that two days suspension suffices.
I also wouldn't yank my kid out of the school because you and he need to send the message that ya'll know he did nothing wrong and can hold his head up high. He could really be an inspiration to others as well.
I think the OP did exactly the right thing in this situation. She sent her son back to school, told him to keep his head high, and did not allow him to play the victim role by calling the police, lawyers, or having his mom at the school screaming at the principal. I am astonished at the number of people that think that things like this warrant police being called. If the kid has to call the police about this, who is he going to call if something worse happens, the FBI? How much more torment would a kid get for getting the police involved in simple disputes and problems? His life would be hell for sure.
While I would be mad as hell if this happened to my kid, and ready to go for blood, I would not let my anger take precedent over what is best for my child. The BEST thing he could do is rise above it. The minute he came dragging his mommy and the police force to the school to fight his battles for him, he offically set himself up as a target for bullying the rest of his school years. What would you want for your child...a day or two of embarassment, or a lifetime of ridicule? I am glad that the OP did not overreact in this situation, and did the best thing for her son.
Face it...he's doomed either way...and he'll never be able to live this down for the rest of his school life. It will even make it's way into the yearbook when he's graduating, 5 years from now! Kids do not let this stuff go. Trust me...been there. He's been traumatized in a way that will emotionally scar him for life and the jokes/laughing will go on for years/eternity. He'll be showing up at his 25th reunion in his 40's, and it will be still be joked about...seriously.
The only way he could have overcome it...is if he had something special going on down there...like one that all other guys would be envious of...and girls would dream of. Short of him being the next John Holmes...he's doomed. Moving away to another school (also added trauma at his age) is the only solution.
Youre kidding right?????
Please tell me this is sarcasm.
In a month there might still be jokes, next year not so much by the time hes a senior no one will even care itll be a thing of the past.
The difference in responses in the thread are stark...and strong. To me, where one stands is where they stood in junior high school. Some of us (inculding me) were tormented beyond belief...leaving true emotional and developmental scars that exist to this day, even at age 54. Some were the tormentors...who don't seem to be posting here. Others, are the luckily the majority...just your average Joe's & Jane's, who fortunately were not the tormentor, nor the tormented.
For most...junior high shool years are tough. For some...it was made unbearable. I think unless you were tormented to the extreme, it is difficult to understand what it does to a person. Whenever I hear about these shootings or suicides of junior/senior high school students...I am saddened. Yet I understand what they were going through.
The difference in responses in the thread are stark...and strong. To me, where one stands is where they stood in junior high school. Some of us (inculding me) were tormented beyond belief...leaving true emotional and developmental scars that exist to this day, even at age 54. Some were the tormentors...who don't seem to be posting here. Others, are the luckily the majority...just your average Joe's & Jane's, who fortunately were not the tormentor, nor the tormented.
For most...junior high shool years are tough. For some...it was made unbearable. I think unless you were tormented to the extreme, it is difficult to understand what it does to a person. Whenever I hear about these shootings or suicides of junior/senior high school students...I am saddened. Yet I understand what they were going through.
This is exactly why I think the parent's response should be focused on her telling her son that the other kid is a jerk and the world is full of them, but that he is a smart strong kid who is not defined by how this little **** treated him. He was embarrassed, but he can survive embarrassment just fine.
Of course, that's based on her reporting that this was a one-time event. If he were being "tormented to the extreme" as you describe it would be another story entirely. My heart breaks too when I hear of kids committing suicide for any reason. In fact, it just happened in one of our high schools here. Apparently a boy had been bullied for being gay for years and finally took his own life. If something like was going on and I knew about it, you can be sure I'd be camped on the school steps and raising 10 kinds of holy hell til the school took real measures to correct it. But it doesn't sound like that's what going on in the OP's situation.
The difference in responses in the thread are stark...and strong. To me, where one stands is where they stood in junior high school. Some of us (inculding me) were tormented beyond belief...leaving true emotional and developmental scars that exist to this day, even at age 54. Some were the tormentors...who don't seem to be posting here. Others, are the luckily the majority...just your average Joe's & Jane's, who fortunately were not the tormentor, nor the tormented.
For most...junior high shool years are tough. For some...it was made unbearable. I think unless you were tormented to the extreme, it is difficult to understand what it does to a person. Whenever I hear about these shootings or suicides of junior/senior high school students...I am saddened. Yet I understand what they were going through.
I was bullied for YEARS. It wasn't until I became confident and got a sense of humor that the bullying stopped.
I know how it feels to be humiliated. I also know how it feels to so easily and publicly take away the bully's power and turn it against him. I am glad that I had the chance to do just that.
Way too tame...you've got no idea how cruel kids can be.
Oh, I know exactly how cruel they can be, I was just trying to keep it within the TOS for City Data. It wasn't that long ago I was in middle school and I've certainly had my fair share of teasing and bullying over the years.
There is NOTHING anyone can say to him about the situation or his manhood that can't immediately be flipped around, sometimes the best defense is a sharp tongue and a quick wit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
It can be a teachable moment. You want to teach the victims that they must suck it up and tolerate abuse, but I believe the bully needs to be taught right and wrong. Keep in mind the victim didn't assault anyone, didn't bully anyone, didn't do anything wrong -- so why is he the one that must be taught a harsh lesson?
And this "everyone does it" is also no excuse. It's never been done to any of my kids, it was never done to me. The school here has zero tolerance on bullying and assault, kids get 3 days out-of-school suspension for far less. If a kid calls another a "*****", it's 3 days and that's just name calling.
It's not about teaching them to "tolerate abuse" it's about teaching them that they alone hold the keys to stopping the bullying and teasing. They need to gain confidence that they can handle the situations and not be afraid of the bullies. When they lose the "victim mentality", fight back and don't let it bother them, they can rise above.
All of the zero tolerance policies and harsh punishment in the world isn't going to stop bullying. It may create a safety "buffer" for kids in an environment like school, but I think that will actually do more harm then good. We don't empower our kids to deal with bullies on their own like so many of us had to do. Instead, we become the knights in white armor who slay the bullies for them. Of course, what they don't realize and what no one seems to want to acknowledge is the cavalry isn't always going to be there to save you; and the time to learn how to save yourself is the first time someone calls you a name or "pantses" you in gym class. How you handle that, how you rise to meet the challenge is what is going to define your ability to deal with far more pervasive and damaging bullying that can happen down the road.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jfkIII
The difference in responses in the thread are stark...and strong. To me, where one stands is where they stood in junior high school. Some of us (inculding me) were tormented beyond belief...leaving true emotional and developmental scars that exist to this day, even at age 54. Some were the tormentors...who don't seem to be posting here. Others, are the luckily the majority...just your average Joe's & Jane's, who fortunately were not the tormentor, nor the tormented.
For most...junior high shool years are tough. For some...it was made unbearable. I think unless you were tormented to the extreme, it is difficult to understand what it does to a person. Whenever I hear about these shootings or suicides of junior/senior high school students...I am saddened. Yet I understand what they were going through.
How about this angle...
Some of us were tormented beyond belief for many years. What we did was learn how to confront and deal with the problem. We gained self-confidence, we stood up for ourselves and we fought back when we had to. We realized that sometimes you need to fight fire with fire and when the bullies realize you aren't an easy target and that what they are doing no longer bothers you...they stop.
Some of us have chosen to live our lives not having a permanent victim mentality. We are the ones advocating not harsher punishment for bullies in some asinine belief that will stop anything, but we are advocating for empowering our kids to stand up for themselves, gain self-confidence and be willing to fight back. I don't want my kids to think that they "need" me, a teacher, principal, etc. to fight their battles with their peers, they need to learn to handle it themselves and it all starts with that first time they get picked on or shoved on the playground.
I think the OP did exactly the right thing in this situation. She sent her son back to school, told him to keep his head high, and did not allow him to play the victim role by calling the police, lawyers, or having his mom at the school screaming at the principal. I am astonished at the number of people that think that things like this warrant police being called. If the kid has to call the police about this, who is he going to call if something worse happens, the FBI? How much more torment would a kid get for getting the police involved in simple disputes and problems? His life would be hell for sure.
While I would be mad as hell if this happened to my kid, and ready to go for blood, I would not let my anger take precedent over what is best for my child. The BEST thing he could do is rise above it. The minute he came dragging his mommy and the police force to the school to fight his battles for him, he offically set himself up as a target for bullying the rest of his school years. What would you want for your child...a day or two of embarassment, or a lifetime of ridicule? I am glad that the OP did not overreact in this situation, and did the best thing for her son.
Agree 100%.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25
I was bullied for YEARS. It wasn't until I became confident and got a sense of humor that the bullying stopped.
I know how it feels to be humiliated. I also know how it feels to so easily and publicly take away the bully's power and turn it against him. I am glad that I had the chance to do just that.
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