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Why do I need to keep in mind that their CHOICE came with what they consider sacrifices? They got what they wanted.
Seriosly, is it really sacrificing when you get what you want out of the deal? And, again, why would I care about what you "sacrificed" because you'd rather not work? As long a you're paying your bills, I really don't care what you do or how much you think you gave up to do it. When you give up one thing to have something you want more, it's just choosing what you want from among your choices.
Okey-doke, then. I was attempting to find some middle ground. As your post seems to indicate no willingness to consider any position other than working mothers are the only ones who make sacrifices, have at it. It's becoming a bit tired to listen to, though. I feel fortunate that IRL, the mothers I encounter (whether working or not) have an understanding that there is a whole world of pros and cons to any decision and no one individual or group has cornered the market on "sacrifice." I have no interest in discussing my particular thought process on the matter; I was merely speaking about the general assumption your post made that anyone who chooses to SAH gives up nothing, period.
ETA: To bring this back OT, OP, you don't owe anyone an explanation or justification for how you live your life. You could tell them the flying trapeze act you tour with is on hiatus and they would be none the wiser. I agree with others who have said that most people are just trying to make small talk. For those who are being rude, nosy or judgmental, well, it says a whole lot more about them than it does about you.
Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 05-27-2012 at 12:16 PM..
Reason: mommy wars ain't the topic of the thread
I agree that most of us make sacrifices for our children. The SAHM who has to give up one income - may be sacrificing vacations, fancy clothes, whatever.
The working Mom who would rather work than give up some things - well, we sacrifice free time and sleep in order to accomplish our goals.
Now there are SAHM's who don't have to sacrifice in order to stay home - because they have a great financial situation. And there are working Mom's who can afford nanny's, housekeepers, grass cutters - so that they don't have to sacrifice as much either.
Most of us are robbing Peter to pay Paul, so to speak, in one way or another.
The definition of luck is: "Success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one's own actions". Luck has nothing to do with me having the choice to stay home. I will agree that it can be a factor for some but I'd say that it's not a factor for many SAHMs.
The definition of luck is: "Success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one's own actions". Luck has nothing to do with me having the choice to stay home. I will agree that it can be a factor for some but I'd say that it's not a factor for many SAHMs.
What actions did YOU personally make that allow YOU to SAH? Do you mean that you were some sort of financial guru and are now independently wealthy?
Ivory why do you care? Honestly every time this comes up you find a way to backhandedly insult people over their choices. It's not your choice. Fine. Good for you. Why can't you acknowledge the same without making it all about how "special" and "entitled" you think everyone else seems to want? Stop picking fights over this. Honestly - just leave it alone.
I rarely agree with ivory about anything but I do understand where she is coming from. SAH parents of school children keep talking about their "sacrifices" and I also don't get why it's a sacrifice to make a choice. I was a SAHM for years and I do not understand what was a sacrifice about that decision at all. I suppose it irritates me because if we are all applauding the sacrifice SAH parents are making we are then demonizing the greed of working parents.
If someone chooses to make less money in order to have a shorter commute we aren't all bending over backwards to applause and reaffirm their "sacrifice". Why does SAH get special treatment?
Parents regardless of working status make sacrifices for their children. Why are SAH parents some sort of special set? Their choice to stay home is no more a sacrifice than choosing to live in a particular neighborhood or buy a certain home. It's just another choice.
What actions did YOU personally make that allow YOU to SAH? Do you mean that you were some sort of financial guru and are now independently wealthy?
Uhh no to the financial guru comment. and no to the wealthy part.
I am able to stay home because my husband works hard and we are frugal people who have always lived below our means. Luck has nothing to do with either one of those things.
I rarely agree with ivory about anything but I do understand where she is coming from. SAH parents of school children keep talking about their "sacrifices" and I also don't get why it's a sacrifice to make a choice. I was a SAHM for years and I do not understand what was a sacrifice about that decision at all. I suppose it irritates me because if we are all applauding the sacrifice SAH parents are making we are then demonizing the greed of working parents.
If someone chooses to make less money in order to have a shorter commute we aren't all bending over backwards to applause and reaffirm their "sacrifice". Why does SAH get special treatment?
Parents regardless of working status make sacrifices for their children. Why are SAH parents some sort of special set? Their choice to stay home is no more a sacrifice than choosing to live in a particular neighborhood or buy a certain home. It's just another choice.
Well to be honest, the reverse can also be true. I've heard working parents be just as smug about their choices and how much better and more intelligent they are for their choices. The same argument can be had about why "working parents" have the need to feel so superior. As if, the only reason a person would SAH is if the poor dear is addled and incapable of a "real" career. So here's a thought: either attitude doesn't really have a place in women supporting each other. Frankly - the decisions you make for your family aren't my business. It doesn't necessarily reflect your intelligence or the depth of love you have for your child. Done. Next topic.
I rarely agree with ivory about anything but I do understand where she is coming from. SAH parents of school children keep talking about their "sacrifices" and I also don't get why it's a sacrifice to make a choice. I was a SAHM for years and I do not understand what was a sacrifice about that decision at all. I suppose it irritates me because if we are all applauding the sacrifice SAH parents are making we are then demonizing the greed of working parents.
I think that most people are acknowledging that SAH parents and WOH parents BOTH make sacrifices in order to do what they do. I don't see anyone looking for pats on the back nor do I see anyone applauding anyone else's sacrifices. It is what it is and for the most part what is is is making the choice that works best for one's family. neither choice is superior to the other, just different.
Quote:
If someone chooses to make less money in order to have a shorter commute we aren't all bending over backwards to applause and reaffirm their "sacrifice". Why does SAH get special treatment?
I'm not sure why you think that SAH parents are treated special.
Quote:
Parents regardless of working status make sacrifices for their children. Why are SAH parents some sort of special set? Their choice to stay home is no more a sacrifice than choosing to live in a particular neighborhood or buy a certain home. It's just another choice.
Again, I have no idea what this "special" argument is all about.
I rarely agree with ivory about anything but I do understand where she is coming from. SAH parents of school children keep talking about their "sacrifices" and I also don't get why it's a sacrifice to make a choice. I was a SAHM for years and I do not understand what was a sacrifice about that decision at all. I suppose it irritates me because if we are all applauding the sacrifice SAH parents are making we are then demonizing the greed of working parents.
If someone chooses to make less money in order to have a shorter commute we aren't all bending over backwards to applause and reaffirm their "sacrifice". Why does SAH get special treatment?
Parents regardless of working status make sacrifices for their children. Why are SAH parents some sort of special set? Their choice to stay home is no more a sacrifice than choosing to live in a particular neighborhood or buy a certain home. It's just another choice.
I don't think SAH parents make greater or lesser sacrifices than working parents, nor do I think one set is more special than the other. IMO, people make choices - all choices come with upsides and downsides. I think we can acknowledge that without having to put down the "other" group.
IMO, these arguments are always so circular because someone will say "SAH parents sacrifice nothing" followed by the defense of "yes, SAH do sacrifice something" followed by "why do SAH parents think they're special" (or we can take the converse by replacing "SAH" with "working" as we've seen on other threads). I guess I really just don't understand why it has to be a competition.
You still have to be able to afford the choice. If not working for a living is what you want to sacrifice for, by all means go ahead and sacrifice for it but you still have to pay your own bills. It pisses me off to see woman SAH and take hand outs like WIC and Welfare (or worse make their kids do without) as if them not wanting to work for a living makes them entitled to someone else paying their bills. Those programs are for people who CAN'T make it not for those who have chosen to not work to support their families.
As with all optional things in life, if you can afford it and want it, go for it. I really don't care what you gave up to get it you still have to be able to afford the choice to have it.
Have you ever heard of "the working poor?" Dad works but doesn't make much. Mom stays home because child care would cost more than she would make.
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Originally Posted by lkb0714
How doesn't luck have a lot to do with it?
You are lucky to be in a financial position that you CAN stay at home.
Some is luck. some is good decision making.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
Why do I need to keep in mind that their CHOICE came with what they consider sacrifices? They got what they wanted.
Seriosly, is it really sacrificing when you get what you want out of the deal? And, again, why would I care about what you "sacrificed" because you'd rather not work? As long a you're paying your bills, I really don't care what you do or how much you think you gave up to do it. When you give up one thing to have something you want more, it's just choosing what you want from among your choices.
You have said probably dozens of time that you didn't feel staying home was worthwhile, that you didn't have enough to keep you busy, that you'd rather raise your SES by working. You got what you wanted too. Why do you begrudge others who get what they want?
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every parent sacrifices. Working parents sacrifice time. SAH parents sacrifice income. I don't know why we have to continue to beat this dead horse.
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They got what they wanted. 