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I left home a month after i turned 21 but my parents didn't think i was ready. I thought they would never think i'd be ready and they weren't trying to help me prepare as an adult. I also thought if i stayed with one or the other , since they were divorced and coping i would never be prepared enough for the life I wanted which was to marry and have my own family one day. My mother at that time was a single mother who walked an hour a day to get to work and come back. She provided for a family of 4 making almost minimum wage with no college degree. I decided this wasn't the life i wanted.
I had a nervous breakdown my first week on my own and ended up in a hospital for 7 days. I was so scared i was gonna be homeless or someone would take advantage of my naivety. Everyone around me was functioning as adults but i was still a brainless virgin who followed my parents rules and did what i was told because they said so. I wasn't ready to be my own person.
I still didn't want to go back so i moved in with a distant relative across the country. All I had was 1 weeks worth of clothes , no money, no clue. My aunt treated me like an adult roommate not her young niece. That helped alot. She paid me 35 dollars a week to help her clean her home thoroughly since cleaning was my only skill. She encouraged me to go to school. I thought i couldn't do it because i was always a b student and felt like a failure. She supported me minimally by buying me a few things here and there, paying me for massages since i was going to school for that and in exchange i allowed her to claim me on her taxes since she would owe so much for being single.
I had no experience with budgeting or goal making but she inspired me to budget and taught me how, and she inspired me to write a 10 year plan which i still use as a foundation to this day. I wanted to try to do better in life. She also inspired me to exercise and eat healthy and to make my own path.
I graduated from my school with a 3.7 GPA and felt that i could do more. So I continued going to school. My aunt challenged me to move out so i took the challenge and moved into a one bedroom guest house for 300 a month. I was afraid that i wouldn't be able to keep up so i paid with my college grant money 1200 up front to have a stable home of my own until i could get more money. I was a 4.0 student at this time and i felt prepared.
On my own i still sucked at a lot. I couldn't really cook so i ate fruits and veggies, and lots of tortillas. I became irresponsible with my budget and spent it all since i had no idea how to save but to survive. I ate out at restaurants a lot so i blew my money and needed a job. My last week of my second year in college i was forced to quit school in my last week with my 4.0 gpa to get a job for my lack of financial discipline. I worked hard took only 3 days off in a year i was only making 8 an hour and i just worked. I worked full time. i was responsible with my budget but as far as savings money i just blew it on clothes and food. I couldn't drive so i had to use the bus to get everywhere and that taught me punctuality.
By this time it was tough.I didn't know how to drive, i had an expired permit, I didn't have a car, i couldn't go out so i was so lonely. I struggled all by myself. to do laundry i had to pay for taxis to go to a laundry mat and wash my clothes. I started taking taxis a lot and they sucked up my paychecks. I was totally depressed and a robot. it was so hard. So i got my permit and borrowed friends cars to learn to drive. I finally got my liscence. it was the best day of my life. I was poor but i was making it on my own.
I met a guy who worked with me who was amazing. he challenged me to do better and do more and he had expectations for me to do more. it was amazing. We moved in together and i learned about credit and started building that up. from there we got furniture and he challenged me to get credit cards and to pay things off responsibly. I got pre-approved for a car and jump and i bought my first car. That was freedom in a nut shell. I felt like my parents wanted to keep me prisoner and to leave me oblivious until i decided to take the reigns of my life. I was so glad that i did because i don't know where i would be today.
Now i am 24 and i can only go up. i've started to challenge myself and to go outside of my boundaries to better myself. I have dreams and goals and i feel like i am moving toward a purpose. I'm still with this amazing guy currently and life is a journey an adventure to figure out what else i can do. Rather than living a life of mental limitations that my parents put on me.
So no my parents didn't teach me the basic skills to survive the real world for them it was about surviving. I hope I don't end up this way that i can still be so open minded to to know how to help my children in their real world because it is ever changing. my parents didn't realize how much the world had changed since they were young and i'm just clad that i jump train when i did because now i have a fighting chance.
I know but it just seems like it's not hard to grasp but for a lot of people it actually is.
I just think you have to be pretty stupid to have trouble with this stuff.
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen
I have one friend who doesn't know how to do laundry.
It's EASY, all you do is look at the dials. It's so simple. Detergent comes with measuring cups.
I wonder if Life has taught you any lessons since this thread was started a few years ago. One of the best lessons I've ever learned was not everyone knows everything. What seems simple to someone else could be completely foreign to me and vice versa. Humility and kindness goes a long way.
We were not allowed to do anything - no cooking, no cleaning, etc. We couldn't decorate our own rooms and we were not allowed to do anything "messy".
I am in my early 30s. I agree with Jasper that teens like us usually end up parenting ourselves through our 20s. Lots of lost time and resentment, at least for me.
Reposting this because I feel the same way three years later. Parents, PLEASE include your children in your housework, car maintenance, budgeting etc. Don't let them waste time in their adult life figuring out stuff you should have taught them.
I cooked with my grandmother and mother from the time I was 5. No matter how awful the things I made my father would eat them and pretend it was amazing. Now that she has passed he refers to me as the best cook behind her. From the time I was 12 I learned to wash dishes and clean a kitchen. 14 and up clean a bathroom, wash and separate clothes properly, fold clothes and put them away. I would vacuum if my mom did get a chance or mop. I don't really like to clean but I know how. By the time I was 17 I was taught to sew. My dad taught me how to plaster a hole in the wall and check under the hood of my car, change a tire, put together a piece of furniture, put up blinds, the basics of painting, fixing a small leak, even resurfaced our tub with him(using epoxy paint). Around 19 my mom taught me to budget she opened a credit monitoring system for me to learn how to monitor my finances. My father had his own business, so he would pay me a "salary" so I could get a major credit card and I would rarely use just for building my credit. They taught me how to fight tickets. My aunts taught me how to make my own lotions, and soaps. My grandfather taught me all his holistic remedies. Even though I didn't officially "work" until I finished college I was more than capable of taking care of myself. Know at 25, I am still learning my husband and I are know working on renovating our kitchen and he's showing me the ropes. He could do it all alone but I would love to know how to do it. I think the main thing I learned from family and use with my son is they never discouraged anything I did. If I messed up they never re did it or they showed me then I re did it. I always had to do it. If they needed help or not they would say come look.
I'm interested in hearing from adults . . .if THEIR parents taught them basic survival skills . . .defined as learning to cook, clean, pay bills, service a car, exist in the real world.
Please note your age, and what your skill level was when you left home . . .
Did your parents teach you how to do the things you needed to do?
IF NOT . . .how did you learn and how long did it take you to learn?
I will start:
My parents did not actively teach me any survival skills. I wanted to help my mother with cooking and cleaning, but she wouldn't let me. I was not even required to clean my room (though I did).
When I left home at 19, I did not have a clue how to do basic stuff . . . didn't know how to wash clothes, cook, or mop the floor. Had to learn everything on my own and it took me awhile to figure things out . . .
I got the bill-paying down pretty quickly, but had a harder time with the laundry and cooking . . .some of those early dinners were absolutely frightening.
I put thread in "Parenting," because it seemed like the best fit.
I really want to hear about your experiences, and especially if you were not taught much at home, how long it took you to figure some things out and any funny stories that happened along the way (or lessons that you had to learn "the hard way").
Yes, I was basically a competent adult when I moved out on my own.
I could do basic cooking, baking, washing dishes, ironing, dusting, etc., when I was 4-5 yrs old.
We didn't have a clothes dryer, but was using the washing machine when I was around 9-10.
Bill-paying and such came when I was in high school, mainly from helping my parents with their business.
My father also taught me how to monitor/basic repair of the heating furnace.
The only exception was automotive- probably because nobody in my family knew anything about it, either. This was made clear when my father noticed his car's gas tank was leaking and tried to fix it by pouring Elmer's glue into it.
Age- well, I was born shortly before before JFK got elected.
In every way possible...YES! I was born in the 50's. I will say this...for the most part my parents did not show us step by step 'how' to do some things but rather told us and let us figure it out on our own.
When we were about eight and seven years old my sister and I (we are two of the older children of four; # four being a newborn at that time in our lives) besides helping with the baby (making bottles with homemade formula, cloth diapers, and keeping the baby from crying) were started out in 'beginners class' dusting, vacuuming, sweeping and mopping. Initially it did not matter how 'perfectly' we did the work, only that we made a conscientious effort and in an efficient and speedy manner; no dilly-dallying as my father would say.
By ages twelve and eleven we had the additional responsibilities of laundry (wringer washer and a clothesline with bamboo poles in the summer and a wire clothesline in the basement in the winter) and everything HAD to be ironed in those days (no such thing as 'perma-press').
We also had paper routes (at 5 in the morning) and shoe shining (my dad bought us a kit for Christmas) and believe it or not babysitting for the neighborhood kids when time allowed.
By fourteen and thirteen we moved up the ladder to assisting the two top chefs in the kitchen; it began with weekend breakfasts of eggs (sometimes fried/sometimes scrambled) bacon, sausage, along with biscuits and gravy (homemade of course from scratch). I recall my first attempt at gravy (with bacon grease not sausage) I received such a burn from stirring the gravy I never did it wrong again. Shortly thereafter we were doing weekday and Sunday dinners. I will admit that while making the chicken every Sunday we would sit the chicken up on the edge of the table and cross its legs and arms and put on a brief show for our younger siblings, we never got caught. Of course we had to sanitize the table with bleach and a good washing afterwards, but it was worth the theater time with the chicken.
During these formative years we were also helping my father with his manly chores; shoveling snow, raking leaves, sweeping outside stairs, walks and our small concrete patio of snow and debris. Assisting my dad when he did his bi-annual chore of installing/removing storm windows and screens. Outside in the spring and summer the flowers, the vegetable garden, and the lawn needed planting and attention of water as well. We were not allowed to mow the lawn (TG; regular push lawn mower) as my dad actually had a strict preference on how it should be done (perfect edging) and how it should look.
Under my mother's supervision, we wrote out checks for utilities (the mortgage was paid in person at the bank every month by my mother or father), and addressed various greeting and Christmas cards.
By ages fourteen and fifteen, enter sibling number five and all that entails. We adored our new baby and as he got older he and number four sibling went everywhere conceivably possible with us, in buggies, in strollers and walking.
We were always busy and never, ever did we think that there was extra time to be 'bored'. I don't know how we did it all...never mind, I do know, we did it as a well oiled and run family unit.
Whatever we did not learn at home we learned how to do on our own by asking other people who knew or by trial and error.
When I moved out and finally bought my first car at 19 (three year old used Ford Torino) I went to the library and read a book on how to do oil changes (bought a strap wrench at the hardware store), change a flat tire, and jump a dead battery, etc.
I truly loved my/our parents, siblings, and childhood. All the things we were taught were never due to a mean spirited or vindictive manner but merely a matter of it being a big family with many jobs which were accomplished with the hands of the many family members, everyone worked hard.
Thank you for the memories.
P.S. I hope you weren't looking for a simple yes or no answer.
Yes, I was pretty competent by the time I left home. I could cook, clean, sew, shop, balance a checkbook. The rest I learned as it went along. I don't remember any electricity getting cut off, etc as I learned to be organized about the bill paying, or any uber disastrous meals. I do remember my mom used to cook her turkeys in a paper bag in a gas oven; I tried that in an electric oven and the bag touched the heating element and burned up!
My parents taught me some things. I could cook, clean, do the laundry etc. They didn't teach me anything about managing finances and bill-paying but I suppose they thought that it was pretty obvious how to do things like that, but I have had trouble with paying bills late. They didn't teach me about any car stuff because they didn't know that stuff either, just take the car to a mechanic (we lived next door to a mechanic for many years)
I'm interested in hearing from adults . . .if THEIR parents taught them basic survival skills . . .defined as learning to cook, clean, pay bills, service a car, exist in the real world.
Please note your age, and what your skill level was when you left home . . .
Did your parents teach you how to do the things you needed to do?
IF NOT . . .how did you learn and how long did it take you to learn?
No. They didn't teach me anything about cooking, washing clothes, paying bills, etc. That stuff is pretty trivial. I moved out at 18. I ate a lot of canned and frozen food at first, but that was because I picked up horrific nutritional ideas from my parents.
Running a stove or going to the laundromat isn't exactly rocket science. Nor is changing the oil. Just read the directions, follow them, and improvise/jury-rig/duct-tape if you don't have the proper tools.
One thing I came to realize, was that I do not tend to be overweight/obese. I simply learned bad eating and exercise habits growing up amidst the poison fields of flyover country. Now that I've gotten over my fear of raw vegetables (wtf do I do with these?) and have moved to an area where I can do the work and sports I love, I'm actually normal-sized!
Don't get me wrong; my parents did a good job raising me. However, I think I might be able to do a little better for my young'uns, based on my experience. Hopefully they'll say the same thing when they're my age...
I am in my early fifties. I grew up in a middle class home with two parents.
My mother taught me how to cook, clean, sew, paint, and do simple maintenance on the home and yard. My mother was very good at teaching me about a healthy lifestyle - organic and natural foods, exercise, etc.
My father taught me how to balance a checking account, basic banking skills in general, and budget skills.
Weirdly, neither parent taught me how to drive or anything about the maintenance of vehicles. They also did not stress job skills or college - they expected me to get married and be a stay at home mom. However, they did stress the importance of a strong work ethic and they also modeled that well.
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