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We were not allowed to do anything - no cooking, no cleaning, etc. We couldn't decorate our own rooms and we were not allowed to do anything "messy".
I am in my early 30s. I agree with Jasper that teens like us usually end up parenting ourselves through our 20s. Lots of lost time and resentment, at least for me.
My siblings and I learned much more than the average kid. MUCH more. We were always included (many times against our will) in car repairs, cleaning, cooking, gardening.
If someone asks me for a wrench I ask, "Box end, ratcheting, pipe, flare-nut, socket?" By college I could wire a lamp, lay floor tile, cook your eggs any way you like them, balance a check book and mow and edge a lawn. I can also mix cement so it doesn't crack. (My parents' idea of a really great morning was going to the lumber yard - which was 30 miles away so we'd learn how to read a map - and buying wood that didn't have any knots in it then coming home and building something. Measure twice, cut once. Woo hoo!)
Our kids were raised the same way. Self sufficiency is big in our family.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 05-26-2012 at 07:48 PM..
Some things I learned early and some I didn't. While I always had to clean up after myself, do dishes, keep my room clean, most of the laundry and major cleaning was done by my older siblings and mom. Yardwork I have never done to this day. My mother's husband did the yardwork when we lived in a house, and as an adult I either had a man to do it, or lived in a apartment. I never cared much about cooking, so I never had to. My mom loved to cook, and I was more than happy to let her. When I moved out on my own is when I finally learned, with a lot of trial and error and phone calls to mom. I was the baby of the family, so I was a late learner with a lot of things.
I did know about budgeting money early though. My mom got me my own checking account at 16, and I was responsible for balancing it. I learned about interest, overdraft fees, and credit. Servicing a car, forget it. I come from a family full of women...I know how to find a mechanic for that.
I think most basic life skills I just wasn't interested in learning as a child, and was never forced to. When I had to learn, I did. And I found a lot of things I knew just from watching, even if I hadn't been actually "taught." With my own dd, I have her pick up her room, let her help with dishes (or play in the water really) or help a little in the kitchen, and give her simple chores like feeding the cats or watering plants, but I don't specifically drill lessons into her. I figure she'll pick it up along the way when the time comes. However, I do plan on getting her a checking account early like my mom did, and teaching her to manage money. That is possibly the most important lesson a young adult needs to know.
My siblings and I learned much more than the average kid. MUCH more. We were always included (many times against our will) in car repairs, cleaning, cooking, gardening.
If someone asks me for a wrench I ask, "Box end, ratcheting, pipe, flare-nut, socket?" By college I could wire a lamp, lay floor tile, cook your eggs any way you like them, balance a check book and mow and edge a lawn. I can also mix cement so it doesn't crack. (My parents' idea of a really great morning was going to the lumber yard - which was 30 miles away so we'd learn how to read a map - and buying wood that didn't have any knots in it then coming home and building something. Measure twice, cut once. Woo hoo!)
Our kids were raised the same way. Self sufficiency is big in our family.
Some things I learned early and some I didn't. While I always had to clean up after myself, do dishes, keep my room clean, most of the laundry and major cleaning was done by my older siblings and mom. Yardwork I have never done to this day. My mother's husband did the yardwork when we lived in a house, and as an adult I either had a man to do it, or lived in a apartment. I never cared much about cooking, so I never had to. My mom loved to cook, and I was more than happy to let her. When I moved out on my own is when I finally learned, with a lot of trial and error and phone calls to mom. I was the baby of the family, so I was a late learner with a lot of things.
I did know about budgeting money early though. My mom got me my own checking account at 16, and I was responsible for balancing it. I learned about interest, overdraft fees, and credit. Servicing a car, forget it. I come from a family full of women...I know how to find a mechanic for that.
I think most basic life skills I just wasn't interested in learning as a child, and was never forced to. When I had to learn, I did. And I found a lot of things I knew just from watching, even if I hadn't been actually "taught." With my own dd, I have her pick up her room, let her help with dishes (or play in the water really) or help a little in the kitchen, and give her simple chores like feeding the cats or watering plants, but I don't specifically drill lessons into her. I figure she'll pick it up along the way when the time comes. However, I do plan on getting her a checking account early like my mom did, and teaching her to manage money. That is possibly the most important lesson a young adult needs to know.
If I could give parents any advice it would be "Don't assume your kid is going to learn anything through osmosis - including values, common sense, chores, anything" - teach them everything you want them to know and don't leave anything to chance.
I got my first cookbook when I was about 13. I came from a large family though, and was never required to help with the meals. My mother had it down to a science. She didn't mind if I experimented around in the kitchen, and I used to do a lot of baking.
We all had regular chores, but they were definitely divided by the sexes. I had to dust and vacuum, and iron my father's handkerchiefs every Saturday before I could go out. I kept my room reasonably neat, because that's the way I liked it. I don't recall ever having to scrub a bathroom. I had no responsibility for yardwork.
I still know almost nothing about cars. My husband handles all the maintenance. I used to know how to change a tire, I think it was taught in driver's ed, but haven't done it in years and years.
I had a savings account at a young age, but I don't recall finances being discussed much either.
I think my kids know a lot more about how a house works, both inside and out, than I ever did. I would love to be able to do repairs on my own, rather than waiting for my DH to get around to them, or hiring somebody.
If I could give parents any advice it would be "Don't assume your kid is going to learn anything through osmosis - including values, common sense, chores, anything" - teach them everything you want them to know and don't leave anything to chance.
Actually, I believe the opposite. I think kids learn by example more than they do lessons and lectures. Maybe specific things like cooking would need actual steps, but values, common sense, and the way we live are things our kids can either take or leave as adults. The way I live, keep my house, etc, may not be what she chooses. She's free to make that choice. She has me as an example, that's all.
My mother didnt cook much nor clean. I learned to clean and do laundry at a very young age because I didnt want to get teased at school. I was self taught. As far as cooking goes, I learned the hard way that metal doesn't go in the microwave unless you like in home fireworks. I learned that water on a grease fire is bad news. I learned a lot by mishaps. What age? Im unsure. I know that I had to push a chair up to the front of the washer as I wasn't tall enough to reach the dials on the machine. I didnt learn until much later that I had been using astronomical amounts of soap. My mother lives alone now and her house is always a wreck, boarder line hoarder. I realized just how much picking up I did as a child. She no longer has anyone cleaning up after her and it shows. I moved out at 18 and briefly lived with her a few years ago when my husband was relocating for his job. I lived with my mother so my son could finish out the school year. I spent 3 months cleaning her disgusting house. It took me that long to get it organized. I am a bit OCD with a clean house and I am showing my son how to use the washing machine and so forth. Although I didnt agree with how my mother managed the house, I don't want to go to the extreme of not showing my son how to care for himself either. Its all about balance I suppose.
Nope. I had a perfectionist OCD Mother...anything I did was not good enough. I learned to do nothing. If I did anything, it was re done by her...so it would be, "perfect". I rebelled from this perfection standard....failed school, and basically left her...and her psychosis.
I have a theory....people with normal parents develop and mature normally. People with dysfunctional parents just survive being a teen....and then "parent" themselves in their 20's. You are always behind those who had a normal family experience because of this delay.
Yeah, I had this kind of mother too. It's exactly why I was DETERMINED to have a career ~ Mom had me convinced that she had a terrible, hard life. I could never do anything to suit her when I was younger.
AND I was the only child of older parents who had lost one little boy in a car accident. They did EVERYTHING for me.
Really, I don't know how I learned to do anything. I am a good cook and not sure how that happened since my Mother and I could never work in the kitchen together without fighting. I must have learned that one by osmosis! In our later years and after my son was born - we did much better.
I still am terrible at fixing things around the house - have no idea how to hang mini blinds or measure curtains . . . . I'm stressing out at the thought of putting up a towel rack tomorrow and hanging a picture! (But it is a BIG picture).
They should have made me do more and criticized it less. Hmmm. I need to listen to my own advice because my son does very little around this house.
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