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Because it was the Right thing to do or they FEARED YOU? How were they when you weren't around to INTIMIDATE them?
It's the same thing over and over - STUPID parenting is the bottom line issue - not hitting or laziness, etc.
It just makes me sick when I see Abusers saying mindless crap like this! How do you know what "barely" hurts anyone?
So how does inflicting pain on your kid stop them from running away from you in carparks? Seems like all that teaches is a dread FEAR of you - not any cars!
Now that's comical coming from a Spanker!
Get some therapy. ....you obviously had a horrible childhood and I don't blame you for being bitter...but get help...derailing thread after thread will not help you overcome things.
Advice from one adult to another cannot possibly make things worse on its own. Even bad advice must be heeded or reacted to in a hostile way for it to do any harm. It falls on the parent to discern the difference between good advice and bad, so they'll know what to heed (and yes, I believe not heeding good advice is characteristic of a bad parent no more/no less than heeding the bad). As for the implied intolerance for advice, this would only suggest that parents who spank are simply not patient people and/or in control of their emotions. Socially competent, disciplined people can hear other people talk without pulling their hair out.
You can be quickly BANNED from many forums for daring to suggest that parenting is NOT perfect so I find this string remarkably tolerant and informative, good advise or bad, friendly comments or not. For me, open and intelligent discussions are very important but it's not that way in many forums where the moderators staunchly protect the forum Pets and come down to anyone who dares disagree with a forum Pet on anything while the Pet can say virtually anything to the Outsiders. I sure hope this forum is not that way..... we'll see............
Your story is so extremely sad and disturbing that I just have to make a comment.......
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Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
I spanked my son twice in his life for tantrums. He never came close to being anything like that perfume kid. Maybe it was the spankings, maybe it was the other forms of discipline I used.....maybe both. He wasn't damaged, he never equated the spankings to mean it was OK to hit someone you love (I saw that in another thread and laughed) but, even as an adult, he is very hesitant to anger me.
If he is so happy with how you raised him I'd say that you bonded well with him and helped him keep his love for you despite how you abused him. It's called Caregiver Acceptance, coined by //www.city-data.com/forum/membe...m8-392892.html in a post in this string. Was he "hesitant" to "anger" you out of FEAR or out of love?
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My parents have spanked him a couple of times for tantrums. I had no problem with it. He was in their care when it happened. My uncles and aunts were free to spank me if I was in their care. And a couple have.
So "tantrums" is the key and spanking, not better parenting is the solution? How sad! And how sad that you would allow other adults to SPANK your own kid!
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My mom was always griping about something. I didn't respect her authority much. It lost its effect. My dad might have spanked me 2 or 3 times growing up. But he was really laid back, didn't complain much, a man of few words. So, when he got angry, he had my attention. I didn't jack with my dad. But it wasn't a fear for my life. It was respect for my father and for authority.
I wish I could say that I obeyed my dad out of some kind of respect but it was always from DEATHLY FEAR of him - I was not allowed to develop Caregiver Acceptance but had Caregiver Rejection - BY THEM!
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You'll hear it a lot among people my age. "I was afraid of my dad.", "I didn't mess with mom.". Grown men, 6 feet tall, successful, take-charge say "Yes ma'am." when mom tells him to watch his mouth. Among the people I have met, most will say it is about respect, not fear.
I wish I could say that but I have to be HONEST about my parents and childhood and I've learned that many adults simply are NOT HONEST about a shameful or disturbing past.
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I went to parochial school where Sister Ann would slap you if you were out of line. I think she over did it. I don't agree with that.
But it was OK for you and others to HIT your own kid!?!
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I came from a time where spanking was a part of growing up. I think that time produced more respectful and responsible human beings.
LOL, I think that time produced more sick and psychopathic people like in my family and Adolph Hitler, Stalin and a few other shining examples of what corporal punishment has done to the world!
It seems to me that kids know when to torment their parents and it is normally in public where they know Mom won't flip out and hit them because they can or someone will call CPS. Not good. Trust me, if this kid was a brat in public, he is a brat in private. If it had been me with my son, I would have walked him into the store where he broke the perfume, make him apologize to the store manager and offer to help clean up the mess. Then of course the perfume would have to be paid for. He needed at least some form of embarassment for his behavior. After doing this, I would have walked his tail end out of the store and taken him home, got a sitter then go back and finish my shopping..MINUS this brat. Oh, one last thing...if I had to pay for what this child broke you can bet the child would have paid me back! Consequences!!
I'd be more inclined to figure out WERE I WENT WRONG before things got so bad!
But a reminder, for all: Kids are not always trying to test you when they misbehave in public.
That would be the defensive, suspicious and NEUROTIC attitude of a very disturbed parent which CONVENIENTLY dumps all the responsibility on the kid instead of where it belongs - on the horribly inadequate parent who is promoting or even encouraging the kid to "act up"!
I agree. Kids do know what they can get away with and, in most cases like this, there is little to no consequence at home.
Yes, I always knew what I could "get away with" thanks to the foolish and unwitting ways my parents TAUGHT ME to know! They, not I, set up all the conditions for my "misbehaviors" and I often got away with it by using some sly stunts that came from THEM in the beginning!
Yes, I always knew what I could "get away with" thanks to the foolish and unwitting ways my parents TAUGHT ME to know! They, not I, set up all the conditions for my "misbehaviors" and I often got away with it by using some sly stunts that came from THEM in the beginning!
MY PARENTS WERE THE PROBLEM! NOT US KIDS!
Imagine that. Parents who were wrong. Its an amazing thing that can lead to great growth if only more parents would admit it.
As far as physical discipline, I don't have an issue with a swat on the behind or a smack on the wrist. However beating the **** out of a kid (like what Adrian Peterson did) to where you're leaving bruises and marks is abusive.
It's absolutely incredible how ABUSERS draw their fine lines between what is and is not abuse as though they actually can feel what their helpless victims feel! IT'S PATHETIC!
It's absolutely incredible how ABUSERS draw their fine lines between what is and is not abuse as though they actually can feel what their helpless victims feel! IT'S PATHETIC!
I agree. " im sorry CPS worker, i was only trying to show her it was wrong to steal but i accidentally smacked her hand too hard".
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