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I've come to the conclusion that the only thing worse than having an older sibling who is a star player is having a younger one who is.
I need serious suggestions here please.
Siblings are only "star players" if the parents makes them such.
Children should be raised knowing that they have strengths that are unique to them and are loved for who and what they are.
Just because one child outshines the other academically it does NOT make her the "star player". You've labeled her that.
I notice not one mention of what the other child does well. Find that and emphasize it. Problem is you should have been doing this from the time they were kindergartners.
Excuse me? I don't like my daughter? THAT is a load of crap. She has her issues, and we're dealing with them, as we should. That, does not, however, mean we don't like her.
You seem to be saying it over and over and over and over in here.
Quote:
I should have known this would not yeild anything useful. Just another bashing session....
<Shrug> We are all such meanies. It is too bad. Because people are only trying to get through.
Have you looked into personality types to try and understand your daughter better? Standing back and watching before doing is typical for certain personalities. It can be tied to perfectionism in that a person is not even willing to try something for fear that they will not be able to do it perfectly.
I also agree that researching INJ personality traits would be a good idea if you want to understand your daughter better. My son also has a very hard time moving out of his comfort zone and would rather fail due to lack of effort than to try his best and come up short of what he thinks he is capable of. I don't have any problem understanding where he is coming from because I have a very strong INTJ personality.
I think it is important to try and understand your child's personality, so you can help them develop the tools they will need. Each child has their own strengths and weakness, and it is important for them to recognize both.
My children have some cousins on their dad's side that have a very unhealthy sibling rivalry. The oldest daughter has a learning disability and is very high needs. Her younger sister is more easy going and her mother identifies very strongly with her.
Unfortunately this has developed into a golden child/black sheep dynamic. The younger daughter is very eager to please her mother and the older daughter is much more independent and they constantly butt heads. As a result, the younger one gets nothing but positive attention and most of her mother's time and energy. The older one gets mostly negative attention and takes out her frustration on her sister, which further compounds the problem.
Is it really possible that she hasn't mastered any skills at all for which she can be legitimately praised? It seems a stretch to infer that you actually dislike her (I've seen posts from moms who display dislike for their children and the tone of your posts is different, it seems more like exasperation and misunderstanding), but it does seem odd that you can find nothing positive at all to say about her. Is it possible that you're so focused on the things she hasn't mastered that you can't see the abilities and positive attributes she has? Most people can do something well.
I wish I was. Dd#1 goes off the deep end every time her sister accomplishes something. She's been pouting all day just because she was asked to bring her calculator home tomorrow for her sister to use on the test. According to her, she's going to fail her finals now because she won't have her calulator for 4 hours on Saturday to practice. We're putting her sister first....We're not seeing her need to study for her finals. Seriously, the problems have already started just because she was asked to loan dd#2 her calculator (which is actually my calculator). Now, mind you, the calculator hasn't come home in months. She uses it at school not at home and then I'm pretty sure it's just a status symbol as most kids don't have one of their own and have to use one belonging to the school, which is fine but it's not the end of the world if her sister has it for 4 hours on Saturday. If I hadn't asked her for it for Saturday, it would have sat in her locker all weekend like it always does. It would be, seriously, out of character for her to actually study for a final. That's not her MO. She'll take them, do ok, and then say she could have done better but this, that or the other thing (I guess her sister having the calculator) stood in her way.
The problem is dd#1 did not do as well as she could have on the test. She, basically, refused to do any prep. Most likely, she didn't try. That's her normal MO. If her sister goes in, with zero prep time, at the ripe old age of 14, not even having had chemistry, and tops her score (which is highly likely), it's going to set dd#1 off. I just don't know how to head this off at the pass.
Taking the ACT is not an accomplishment. Anyone who pays the fee can take the test. If would ignore the pouting if I were you. Why do they know each other's scores?
BTW-the science portion of the ACT is a science reasoning test. There isn't much in the way of real content. So not having science won't hurt your DD much.
These days, the standard is to prep. When everyone's doing it, you don't have much choice if you want to compete. I couldn't get dd#1 to see that. I offered to send her to the same prep courses her friends went to but she wasn't having any part of that. Prepping would take away her excuse if her scores were not as high as she wanted. She ended up 3 points shy of the requirement for the college of her choice. I've told her she can prep and take the test again but she's not biting on that either. While her excuse for getting the score she did was that she didn't prep like the other kids, she's certain she wouldn't get a better score if she prepped and retook the test.
Dd#1 will want to know her sister's score so I'm not sure we'll be able to keep it from her but you're right that she doesn't need to know. I just hope we can keep dd#2 quiet about it. I don't think she's going to take kindly to being told it's none of her business. When we've tried that in the past, she then tells us that we're treating her like she's not part of the family.
In my part of the country the SAT is more universal than the ACT. My son took the ACT on the recommendation of his school counselor. He wound up doing better on the ACT than the SAT.
He said it was just as good at preparing him for the ACT as his prep course was for the SAT. I would also suggest that your DD1 take the SAT. Even though the ACT is more common in the midwest most schools accept either the SAT or the ACT and kids can have divergent results on the exams. She might have better results on the SAT.
Last edited by Momma_bear; 06-08-2012 at 07:05 AM..
I don't understand.
Why is she going to pout if her sister rocks the test?
If my little brother rocked a test, I would be like, "Yo! You're awesome, little bro!"
If he scores 50 goals in basketball, I would be like, "Wow! That's my brother!"
It's a test for school. Not some contest for our parents' love or something.
If your daughter's going to a community college, why is the test even needed?
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