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I need suggestions for how to deal with sibling jealousy. As you know, the school has cleared dd#2 to attend community college in the fall. However, we learned today that she has to take the ACT on Saturday (without prep time.......which puts 3-5 points on your score). The principal expects she'll score in the upper 20's (not an issue as she gets to take the test again when she's a junior in two years WITH prep time and those are the scores she'll use to apply for college). The problem is dd#1 didn't do that well on the test. She refused to do prep, saying that we must think she's stupid if she needs it (she has a problem with preferring to not try and fail than to actually try...so she can blame the failure on not trying). Anyway, she's already copping an attitude because dd#2 is taking the test (had to tell her because we need her to bring her TI-83 home tomorrow for her to use on the test). I'm worried about the fallout when the test scores get here. I'm hoping dd#2 does well enough to get into the CC but not as well as the principal thinks she will for dd#1's sake.
How would you handle this? In general we have an issue with dd#1 because her sister is advanced. She's jealous of how easily things come to her. Dd's counselor is blunt here. She tells her "So what if your sister has 10 points on your IQ, that doesn't make you less capable".
I've come to the conclusion that the only thing worse than having an older sibling who is a star player is having a younger one who is.
I'm going to be very honest here Ivory. You've spent years on this board posting glowing things about DD2. She does nothing wrong apparently. About DD1 on the other hand, you have nothing good to say. Perhaps you're unaware as how blatant it is. I can't help but feel if it's that obvious here, DD1 must be getting at least some of that at home. I hope you can find it in yourself to find some redeeming qualities about DD1 and share them with her. For both your sakes.
My mom was a teacher and told me long ago that kids give you what you expect. Perhaps if you built dd#1 up instead of tearing her down, this wouldn't be such an issue.
I know first hand how different kids can be. I have started early, and dedicated a lot of time and energy (not to mention money) into finding something my older son is good at because I can already tell things will not come as easy for him as for my younger son. I hope to avoid the problem you seem to be having. My only advice to you at this point is to find something dd#1 is good at and encourage her.
I hope this does not offend. You overall tone wrt your DD1 comes across as highly negative. Whether or not that is true, her self esteem cannot be strong if she is so afraid of failure that she will not try. In my opinion, you all could use family counseling but not sold as a means of "fixing" DD1.
My mom was a teacher and told me long ago that kids give you what you expect. Perhaps if you built dd#1 up instead of tearing her down, this wouldn't be such an issue.
I know first hand how different kids can be. I have started early, and dedicated a lot of time and energy (not to mention money) into finding something my older son is good at because I can already tell things will not come as easy for him as for my younger son. I hope to avoid the problem you seem to be having. My only advice to you at this point is to find something dd#1 is good at and encourage her.
Maybe one thing to try is not finding something she is "good at" as a natural talent but focus on her tenacious effort and demonstrable progress? Just a thought.
I don't think that this is a problem that can be easily fixed with simple conversation however when the test score comes back and this issue comes up, I would try and point out some positive qualities that are unique to dd #1 and let her know how much you love her.
I'm going to be very honest here Ivory. You've spent years on this board posting glowing things about DD2. She does nothing wrong apparently. About DD1 on the other hand, you have nothing good to say. Perhaps you're unaware as how blatant it is. I can't help but feel if it's that obvious here, DD1 must be getting at least some of that at home. I hope you can find it in yourself to find some redeeming qualities about DD1 and share them with her. For both your sakes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
I hope this does not offend. You overall tone wrt your DD1 comes across as highly negative. Whether or not that is true, her self esteem cannot be strong if she is so afraid of failure that she will not try. In my opinion, you all could use family counseling but not sold as a means of "fixing" DD1.
Both of these posts pretty much sum up my feelings. Why should DD1 try, you are always stating here that she is going to fail, so it's not that she thinks she's going to fail, but that you anticipate she's going to fail.
I need suggestions for how to deal with sibling jealousy. As you know, the school has cleared dd#2 to attend community college in the fall. However, we learned today that she has to take the ACT on Saturday (without prep time.......which puts 3-5 points on your score). The principal expects she'll score in the upper 20's (not an issue as she gets to take the test again when she's a junior in two years WITH prep time and those are the scores she'll use to apply for college). The problem is dd#1 didn't do that well on the test. She refused to do prep, saying that we must think she's stupid if she needs it (she has a problem with preferring to not try and fail than to actually try...so she can blame the failure on not trying). Anyway, she's already copping an attitude because dd#2 is taking the test (had to tell her because we need her to bring her TI-83 home tomorrow for her to use on the test). I'm worried about the fallout when the test scores get here. I'm hoping dd#2 does well enough to get into the CC but not as well as the principal thinks she will for dd#1's sake.
How would you handle this? In general we have an issue with dd#1 because her sister is advanced. She's jealous of how easily things come to her. Dd's counselor is blunt here. She tells her "So what if your sister has 10 points on your IQ, that doesn't make you less capable".
I've come to the conclusion that the only thing worse than having an older sibling who is a star player is having a younger one who is.
I need serious suggestions here please.
Suggestions on what? One kid took the ACT. Now the other has to take it. It sounds like you are manufacturing a problem. All college bound kids take college entrance exams regardless of when they take them.
Both of these posts pretty much sum up my feelings. Why should DD1 try, you are always stating here that she is going to fail, so it's not that she thinks she's going to fail, but that you anticipate she's going to fail.
Like the posters above me, I'll be honest- from the posts I read, you seem to have a lot of disdain for DD1, while DD2 is a child sent straight from heaven above. Professional help can be really beneficial, as well as changing your own attitudes about DD1. What are the GOOD things about her?? That's what I'm wondering. We've never heard about them here.
Why not just tell dd2 that her scores and grades reflect the effort she puts in and that she would likely achieve results more to her liking if she tried harder?
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...which puts 3-5 points on your score). The principal expects she'll score in the upper 20's (not an issue as she gets to take the test again when she's a junior in two years WITH prep time and those are the scores she'll use to apply for college). The problem is dd#1 didn't do that well on the test. She refused to do prep, saying that we must think she's stupid if she needs it (she has a problem with preferring to not try and fail than to actually try...so she can blame the failure on not trying). Anyway, she's already copping an attitude because dd#2 is taking the test (had to tell her because we need her to bring her TI-83 home tomorrow for her to use on the test). I'm worried about the fallout when the test scores get here. I'm hoping dd#2 does well enough to get into the CC but not as well as the principal thinks she will for dd#1's sake. 
